Define Sanity
by Karinka-ten
Summary: Hve you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't only because they are good 4 u and ure a bad 4 them? Sakura is a perfect student who seems to live a perfect life, only one person knows that 'little miss perfect aint
1. A strange encounter

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clam does or the lyrics of the song Boston, Augustana does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 1

**Strange encounter**

Any time she was alone and all her daily targets had been met, she thought of humming birds. When she was a little girl, she used to go for walks every single Sunday afternoon with her mother. There was not much she remembered of those days. It felt like they did not exist or she made portions of them up. They seemed too good to be true and too far away to revisit. She could only remember humming birds. A faint smile touched her rosy lips which shimmered with strawberry lip gloss.

"Sakura, are you listening?" A girl waved her hand across her face.

She was sitting in the company of warriors; high school overachiever was the appropriate term. A label she wore with honor and humility. The high school overachiever was easy to target. She can be spotted in a crowd. Her uniform was always neat and tidy. She always remembered to say 'please' and 'thank you' in the presence of adults of course. She was beautiful and took part in every school event, no matter how grueling. She was usually a cheerleader, captain of some after school activity and her grades were so perfect that one had to wonder when she found the time to study. She was multitalented—could do just about anything. The high school over achiever made everyone else feel exceedingly insecure, without knowing it.

"Of course I am." Sakura said suddenly.

"Good. It's final; the fair is next week Saturday. Chiharu you are in charge of the entertainment. Sakura you are in charge of the food. Naoko the decorations and I'll take care of everything else." Tomoyo the girl with the raven hair said standing up and pushing her chair in.

Chiharu another girl narrowed her eyes "Why do I have to arrange for entertainment. I told you already Tomoyo; I want to be in charge of the food."

Tomoyo rolled her eyes "Sakura is in charge of that."

Chiharu and Tomoyo looked at Sakura at the same time.

"Don't worry about it." Sakura said kindly "I'll take care of the entertainment. You can take care of the food Chiharu."

Both of the girls smiled and nodded.

"We'll meet again tomorrow after school. Same time as today." Chiharu said now getting out of her seat.

All the girls left the library except for Sakura and Tomoyo who stood close to the door.

"Are you walking home?" Tomoyo asked "I can give you a lift…if you need one."

Sakura half smiled "I'll walk, it's not that far. Thanks anyway."

Tomoyo smirked "Okay. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She rushed out through the door.

Sakura sighed. Now she was alone. She walked carefully through the hallway. She did not want to disturb detention which was still in session. It was nearly 4:30. The school was deserted and quiet. Each step she took reminded her of the blue envelop that was in her bag. It was the only thing that would determine her happiness. That was what made her so terrified of it. Her heart beat faster and faster. Suddenly she stopped walking…she paused and looked up…

"Wet floor, use the back door." The janitor said looking directly at her.

_The horror,_ Sakura thought. _The back door?_ She knew it existed but hadn't actually been there. The back door was no place for the 'high school overachiever'. Who knew what was lurking behind those graffiti walls and filthy dust bins. Everything humanly sick lurked in those corners.

Sakura then giggled at the thought of how hysterical she was being. It was no big deal really. She smiled at the short stumpy woman then walked the opposite direction.

Once again the thought of the blue envelop crossed her mind. With it came an overbearing sadness. As she approached the back door, she bit her lower lip. Her heart went up to her mouth. She could no longer restrain herself 'I wish I just died that day.' She whispered angrily. Tears came streaming down her face.

The minute she pushed the door open and stepped out of the school building she took a deep breath. She felt more tears sting her eyes.

The cold wind blew on her as she felt the long shadows of evening fall upon her. The sky was orange and there was not a single person in sight.

She took a left turn then stopped in her tracks. _A person…there is someone here_. She thought first noticing the movement of a figure on the pavement. _I can't let anyone see me like this. _She said roughly mopping the tears away.

She took two steps ahead when she saw him. He was standing at a corner behind the school building. He leaned comfortably against the wall with his legs crossed. One of his hands was in his pocket and the other held a cigarette between his fingers. His eyes were brown, amber to be more specific. His hair was chestnut and fell dramatically over his face. His hair was muddled and went well with the image he was appeared to want to live up to. He was a fatal image of male exquisiteness.

The second she took in his image she thought _'I wish I was like him.'_

He put the cigarette in his mouth and breathed in the smoke several times then stubbed it out.

Suddenly his head turned to her. Sakura wanted to run and hide. There was something awfully terrifying and dangerous about him.

He looked at her then turned his head away. He placed the cigarette between his lips again then breathed out the smoke.

Sakura watched him for more than a minute. It never hit her that she was staring until he spoke.

"What is it?" he spoke with a hoarse voice that softened as he neared the end of his question.

Her eyebrows shot up. Her heart beat was slower.

"Can I have one?"

His eyebrows descended. "You smoke?"

Sakura cleared her throat and summon the courage to look him in the eye "Of course."

He fumbled in his pocket and took out packet of cigarette. He handed her the packet. Sakura drew out one cigarette.

He gave her a lighter and Sakura took it dropping her gaze.

At first she struggled to light her cigarette. When she finally managed to, she placed the cigarette between her lips, exhaled, then coughed immediately after that.

He chuckled inwardly "You've never done this before. Figures."

She looked at him then back at the pavement "How do you know."

"You made it obvious…"

One thing that was obvious was that he did not look like the talking type. He's label would be strong silent type, Sakura thought.

He grabbed the hand which she was holding the cigarette in. Sakura gasped, a rush of blood flowing quickly through her body. He stroked his firm fingers across hers then gently slid the cigarette between her fingers. He threw the cigarette on the ground then stepped on it.

"You don't want to start." He said leaning on the wall again.

After a moment of awkward silence, Sakura looked at him again. "My name is Kinomoto Sakura."

"I know who you are."

"You do? Well I've never seen you around and I know almost everyone on the student body."

"Almost." He kept his eyes away from hers.

"I sound stupid, don't I?"

He was silent.

"It might look like I like school but I hate it." She said sadly out of nowhere.

He blinked hard "Yeah. The rules are fucked up."

For some reason, Sakura felt the urge to be like him "Yeah, they are pretty Fu….fu…cked up."

He looked at her with intensity; his eyes looked like they were on fire. He shook his head "When you curse it sounds so wrong."

She frowned "You don't even know me."

"Let's leave it at that." He said simply and rather rudely.

"You look like you're trying to escape detention. I don't want to sound like I'm pointing…" Sakura paused when she realized that he wasn't paying attention.

There was another still moment between them. A moment so still that Sakura began to feel lonely again. She tried to co-ordinate her thoughts but she could no stop thinking about that day. There was a pain that beat inside of her. No one had ever seen it.

Tears spilled down her cheeks. She sniffled. He turned and looked at her. He was quiet at first. He was not used to being around crying women. He wished he was in any other situation but this one. He didn't know what to do or say.

"You're crying?" Was all that came out. '_of course she's crying you idiot.' He told himself._

Sakura nodded.

"Why?"

"I'm crying because I'm lonely. I try so hard to be perfect, the truth is, I'm worthless" — _true _"I'm crying because I'm scared of being alone" Sakura tried to control her voice. "I'm afraid no one will ever love me…for me." —_All true_. "My mother passed away years ago and I'm not over it and…my father is leaving; he's such a great Dad."—All _Lies._

"_Why is she telling me this? What does she expect me to do? I just met her." _Syaoran thought.

He looked at her. Her bright eyes glistened _'Is that hazel… emerald?' _he couldn't tell but they were beautiful. He had never seen anything like them.

She was the most delicate thing he had ever come across; the most beautiful too. Something inside him erupted. It was an element of fear and curiosity. With him, everything in life was straight forward. Everything was what it seemed to be. Not her. He had an overwhelming urge to hold her.

_In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...  
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,  
This world you must've crossed... you said...  
_

He wrapped his hands around her. She was a head shorter than he was. He took in the smell of her perfume and her shampoo. Her scent was compelling. Her soft auburn hair brushed gently against his cheek. It was softer than feathers. He could barely breathe.

_You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,  
You said  
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah_

She was limp in his arms. It's not that she didn't want move. She literally couldn't. His arms were strong but he held her so gently.

_Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across  
An open field,  
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry  
When they see you  
You said..._

She hid her face in his chest thus soaking his school shirt with her tears.

_You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,  
You said  
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,_

"_Should I say something…is this enough? Why do I care? No I don't…I just…need to make her feel better."_

They stayed on the same spot in the same position for five minutes. She couldn't stop crying.

"Hey Syaoran! Mr. Nagasaki is looking for you; he wants you back in detention immediately." A ninth grade boy interrupted.

Sakura automatically drew her head from his chest.

"I'll be there in a second." He said to the boy who had already disappeared by then.

Sakura took one step back as though suddenly afraid of him. Her lower lip trembled.

"I'm sorry…I just."

"…needed a shoulder to cry on?" he said looking adoringly at her.

"Uh…I don't know what came over me." She took another step back "I don't do this…" she took another step back "I don't even know you." She whispered.

"…………It's alright."

She shook her head "No it's not."

She quickly walked away with her hands folded across her chest and her head staring at the ground.

As he watched her he thought _"That was weird."_

……………………….

**A/N. thanks for reading. If you want the story to go on or have some constructive advice pls let me know by dropping a review. Don't know if the song (Augustana, Boston) served it's purpose, it's my first time to use a song in a fan fiction. Anyways, thanks again.**


	2. Less than a feeling more than a thought

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp

DefineSanity  
Chapter 2

**Less than a feeling more than a thought**

Now look what happened, that fully untroubled attitude to everything had fallen to pieces. Sakura…she always appeared self-absorbed and one would think she lived the perfect life. He would have to see her again. Make sure she was alright—of course if he saw her again, it would have to be an accident. He imagined that she would vanish once the real world broke in—he would be disappointed.

"What's wrong with me." He whispered. "It was only a stupid…a stupid…" he couldn't call it 'stupid'. It was far from that.

He was lying on his bed and falling asleep when the one truly remarkable aspect of their meeting at last got through him. She told him her deepest and darkest secrets. He knew things about her that no one else did.

At school the next morning as he shut his locker, he found her standing next to him. She held her books to her chest and looked at him. She had filled his dreams all night and his thoughts all morning.

"_Those eyes…dammit stop looking at me!"_ He thought. She refused to drop her gaze. This was definitely no accident.

"Hello, good morning." She said politely.

He took one quick look at her delicate frame.

"What is it?" _where did that come from_, he asked himself. How could he be so rude and so damn arrogant?

She smiled "I just want to clear up something. It's been on my mind well since…sine yesterday." She thought for a second then slipped a short fake giggle "It's about yesterday."

"Oh right, yesterday." He smirked to indicate that he was taking all this as a joke.

She was hardly smiling now "I'm not crazy…if that's what you think."

"Now why would I think you that?"

Sakura sighed "Er…the crying. The sudden urge to want to smoke and curse, which is totally not like me."

"Oh, right that." He couldn't do it. He couldn't be nice to her, he was trying.

"I've never told anyone the things I told you." She whispered "They are kind of—secrets. Do you understand?"

He was silent.

"I don't even remember them." She faked another short giggle "Yesterday was just hilarious wasn't it? I was mad about something."

His eyebrows descended "Are you always this talkative."

"Honestly—no. Syaoran…its Syaoran isn't it?"

He nodded without saying anything. Oh how he loved the way she said his name.

She took a second to think "Little wolf; how adorable."

Syaoran blushed a little. Most people would ask him the meaning of his name but she already knew; he had to admit, he was impressed. He turned away shyly from her so that she would not see.

"Anyway er…little wolf, can we keep what happened yesterday on the DL? You see, I have a reputation…"

As soon as he took a deep breath he interrupted her "Wait, you didn't just call me little wolf, did you?" He made a face.

She shrugged. She looked like she was restraining herself from bursting into laughter. She obviously knew that it annoyed him.

"Never mind that, the point is. If people found out, they'd feel sorry for me. I hate sympathy."

Syaoran started to walk way. She rushed alongside him and walked at the same pace as he did.

"Half of that stuff was not true anyway…" her eyes were bright on her delicate face.

He croaked his head and looked at her. "You are so annoying. At first it was cute but now…now you're just scaring me."

"_Cute?"_ Sakura thought as a smile automatically found its way to her lips. "Wait a minute, is that a complement or an insult."

He looked away for a second "Uh, let me think…an insult."

Sakura's shoulders drooped but she was still smiling. Though she was terrified that he would tell everyone her secrets, she was not showing it. She was used to pretence. It came naturally.

"The way I see it, you're afraid that people will know how insecure you really are. What a hypocrite. If you keep this up…you really are going to end up alone. So get a life and do me a favor. Leave me the hell alone."

Sakura sighed and stopped walking "That's your opinion. Tell me you won't tell."

He shook his head and left her. He did not intend to be so mean. For him, cruelty came naturally.

His reasons for being so cold were understandable—that's just the way he was. He did not believe in love at first side, across a crowed room as the song said; love at first hug in an empty alley in this case. He did not believe in love at all. He better stay away from that strange girl before his feelings become something worth taking seriously. That made perfect sense.

Ever since the 'incident' Sakura saw him everywhere. He was in her math class, Modern Japanese and now her history class. In every class he sat at the back and he was always punctual; she was always one of the last people in class. No wonder she never noticed him before.

Her desk was next to Tomoyo's at the front of the class. She turned her head to look back at Syaoran.

"Will you concentrate?" Tomoyo asked annoyed.

"What do you mean?"

Tomoyo stopped looking at the board. She had been copying notes but Sakura quickly became a destruction. She kept on turning her head and looking to the back of the class. She clearly thought she went unnoticed. Tomoyo stopped writing and looked at her.

"Who are you looking at?"

Sakura's eyebrows rose then she smiled "No one." She held her pen tightly in her hands then looked at the board.

After a few minutes, she tapped Tomoyo's shoulder "Hey, sorry but do you know who Syaoran is?"

Tomoyo nodded without saying anything.

'_wow, there must be something wrong with me.'_ Sakura thought.

"Why the sudden interest?" Tomoyo asked with a naughty grin.

Sakura blushed "Interest? Who mentioned anything about interest? He's such a mean guy. This morning, he told me to get a life."

Tomoyo pretended to be surprised "I don't know the guy personally but he's probably not one of the nicest people you will ever meet." Tomoyo giggled "But he is really hot, don't you think."

Sakura frowned "No—I never noticed." –Lie.

"Do you like him?" Tomoyo looked at Sakura.

Sakura turned her face away "Of course not?" He was not her type—did she even have a type.

"Good, he's just one of those guys you shouldn't fall in love with." Tomoyo warned.

Sakura scribbled in her text book and snorted "I know that."

…………………

At lunch time in the cafeteria, Syaoran found that once again, he encountered her. They were in a line, waiting to be served. She stood in front of him with a brown tray in he hands. Holding it tightly as though afraid to lose it. He turned his head away and pretended not to notice her.

She kept her vision on the person ahead of her and pretended not to notice him. He's nothing but bad news. She convinced herself.

She tried not to, but she found herself staring at him from the corner of her eye. A strange look passed over her face "_He probably thinks he's all that right now—not bothering to put on his school tie_." And the expression slid away; though it didn't go unnoticed.

He frowned but thought _"scary but still very hot." _

The lunch lady was defiantly not a sight for soar eyes. Her face was red with what looked like boils. The veins on her face were visible. She sweated so much that it looked like if someone put an egg on her head, it would cook immediately. She poured liver and chicken soup on Sakura's tray.

"Thank you." Sakura said politely swallowing a look of distaste.

When Syaoran was ready to hand his tray in, a boy walked past him and pushed him to the side. Nearly losing his balance he bumped Sakura and caused her to drop her tray.

Sakura glared at him.

"I'm so—"his words failed "…some guy pushed me. Don't look at me like that." He meant it.

All eyes peered on them. Sakura decided to pick up her tray and walk away. When she took a step ahead she couldn't move. She turned around and saw that the button of his blazer was caught on his belt.

"Oh gosh…how embarrassing." She muttered.

"Just stay still, I'll fix it." He said in his normal callous tone.

Sakura rolled her eyes "Like I have a choice."

A few seconds later Syaoran was still struggling with the button and the belt.

"Will you hurry up!" Sakura said impatiently.

"Will you shut up. It's not as easy as it looks." He shot back.

Sakura stomped her foot like a little child. "You're so…MEAN!"

Syaoran sighed. "There is only one way out of this—you take off your blazer or…" he paused then blushed at the thought "I take off my belt." The pair of pants we was wearing barely fitted him. He had been too lazy to wash his other pair. They were bound to fall if he took his belt off.

"I'll take off my blazer." Sakura did exactly that.

Now she was free but her blazer was still stuck on his belt.

"I'll go to bathroom and fix this." He said a little less tense.

"When can I get my blazer back?"

"Uh, in art class." He sounded uncertain.

……………………

Art class, Sakura walked to the back of the class where she assumed he was sitting. She caught him staring outside with a sketch pad and a pencil in his hands.

"Ehem…" she cleared her throat.

He turned around startled "Oh it's you."

"My blazer please."

He handed it to her then immediately turned away.

Sakura took one step ahead then paused. She turned around and said "I'm sorry for being so impatient this afternoon."

He was quiet. She wanted him to apologies for being so rude and stubborn. He had a delicious look on his face that said "I deserve that sorry."

Sakura frowned then turned around.

"That's not very nice. I can't believe you! You know what I take that sorry back." She pouted.

He made a face then looked at his art work. It was only a line.

"I don't know why I bother. You are clearly not listening. And you…" Sakura yelled.

"Will you just shut the up?!"

Everyone stopped doing their work and looked at Syaoran.

Syaoran wanted to kick himself. This was a detention for sure. He didn't mean it; she was being utterly irritating he lost control of his words.

"Mrs. Kinomoto, Mr. Li… I want to see you in my class after school." The teacher, Mr. Kamiya said.

Sakura and Syaoran gave each other long meaningful glares.

……………………

After school the Mr. Kamiya made them clean the class. They had to mop the floors, wash the paint brushes, sweep and empty the bins. He left them alone while he went to the teachers lounge for a cup of coffee.

Sakura picked up a piece of paper. She took a quick look at Syaoran. How was he coping? He deserved it but why was she being punished. It was not her fault he had no control over his words. He needed serious anger management therapy. She was merely a victim in this mishap.

Syaoran put away the paint brushes and sneaked a short glance at her. What a wreck that girl is and she has no idea. When will she decide to get over herself?—was that what he really thought of her. A "wreck"…maybe a little bit of nuisance. He raised his eyes and looked at her again.

"_Maybe I'm not in love with her. It's just sympathy at some extent." _

She walked over to him with a broom in her hands and stopped at what she felt was a safe distance. He raised his head and looked at her innocently.

"I guess we're done." She said kindly.

He nodded.

She smiled at him and he simply blinked. She left the broom at a corner then placed her hands in the pockets of her navy blue blazer. She searched her pockets for a second then immediately looked at him.

"Little wolf, have you—"

Syaoran clenched his teeth furiously "I told you not to call me that." He interrupted.

Sakura sighed and gazed at him worriedly. "Have you seen my wallet?"

He shook his head "No."

Sakura looked down for a second then back at him "It's pink, pretty and it's very important. It was in the pocket of my blazer."

"I never saw it. Maybe you lost it before then."

"Maybe." She said with sadness in her tone. "My bus pass is in it and some money. I'm now living with my brother. He just moved into a new house with his wife. I have to take the bus there…I don't even remember where it is."

Syaoran nodded then walked past her "Good luck with getting home."

Sakura stood still. She was not expecting him to help, was she? He wants nothing to do with her.

As Syaoran walked the hallways he paused. He looked across his shoulder and saw her standing by door next to the Art class. She crouched and gazed at her clasped hands wretchedly. She pulled her pleated tartan skirt over her thighs then played with her fingers.

There it was again, that look on her face; the look of abundance and loneliness. He sighed and turned around.

He slowly approached her and stood next to her.

She looked up at him "Did you forget something?"

"Stand up." He ordered.

Sakura quickly got up. She looked at him desperately. His eyes were dark and his face was pale.

"Where does your brother live?"

"Um…Na…Natsumi Avenue." She hesitated.

Syaoran gazed at her with visible intensity "It's your lucky day. That is where I live."

Sakura leered "So you'll help me."

"I'll get you home, I promise."

He was being nice; too nice. Sakura's face glowed with gratitude.

When they were out of the school premises, Sakura had so many questions to ask him. She did not want to scare him away but she had to know. She had always been a curious girl.

He was looking ahead. He dared not to look at her. He was afraid on many levels to get her started.

"So I guess we live in the same neighborhood now." She started. "Neighbor." She giggled lightly punching him on the shoulder.

Syaoran stopped walking and looked at her "Don't…don't do that. Do you understand?"

Sakura shrugged then giggled. "Lighten up."

He started walking again. There was a silence which once again Sakura broke when another question popped her mind. She gazed at his lips and his eyes; the structure of his face. _"Does he have any idea how_ _handsome he is?"_ she thought.

"How come I've never seen you smile? She said cleverly.

"You only met me yesterday." He reminded her.

"I know." She paused then looked at him "I can tell you have a great smile."

"Oh really." He said dragging his tone.

She nodded "Yeah. The way you're lips are and your eyes. I bet I can get you to smile."

He shook his head "What are you, twelve?"

"Come on. It's fun. I know a couple of great jokes." She smiled. "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?"

Syaoran shrugged.

"Because it didn't have the guts." Sakura burst into laughter.

Syaoran smiled "That is the cheesiest joke I have ever heard."

Sakura's eyes lightened and her laughter died "But you're smiling. I was right; you do have a great smile."

Syaoran blushed. He started to feel butterflies in his stomach.

"_Pathetic; get a hold of yourself. What a Friday this is going to be—you're going to be babysitting and eighteen year old you just can't save yourself from."_ A voice in his head yelled.

"I think I'm going to be sick." He told her.

……………………….

**A/N. Hi everyone. Thanks for readying this chapter and all the awesome reviews. Plz review this one. In the last chapter on the disclaimer I wrote clam instead of clamp. Sorry for that. **


	3. Night of the firsts

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 3

**Night of the firsts **

This was different; she often never had to try so hard to get someone to like her. People often found her fascinating, witty and interesting. Not him. He made it clear that he wasn't "people".

They were standing at the bus stop, a distance apart. The streets were as empty as ever. Sakura rocked on her feet for a short while. She looked at him, turned away, and then started to play with her fingers. She fidgeted with her blazer fixing it neatly then looked at him again.

Syaoran had dying cigarette between his lips. He tossed it on the ground then stepped on. His hands thrust in his pockets as he looked out into the street.

As the sun disappeared behind the clouds, the streets seemed to sink and become narrower as though the sidewalks had drawn closer.

All of a sudden they saw a big blue bus coming to their direction. Sakura's eyebrows shot up. A relieved expression crossed her features.

The bus pulled over in front of them. Syaoran was the first to walk in and Sakura followed. They sat somewhere in the middle of the bus. He sat close by the window, rested his hands on the brown leather seat and stared outside.

Sakura's eyes peered around the bus. There were only three people in it. A mother and her child, A old lady, A young man who appeared in his twenties.

"Are you sure this is the bus to Natsumi."

He croaked his head in slow motion then nodded "Yeah I'm sure." His voice was heavy, alluring and tired. He sounded like each thought was a weight to be contemplated before it was lifted.

Sakura moved a little closer to him. The big bus braked and panted at the traffic lights. It soon stopped at another bus stop.

A man dark haired man with tattoos on his arm walked in. He took a long look at Sakura before he settled at the seat behind Syaoran and Sakura's.

Sakura could feel him staring at her. He heart began to pound very fast and beads of sweet tumbled down her face. She felt uncomfortable and nervous.

After a few minutes she felt the man touch her hair with her his finger tips. She shuddered and grabbed Syaorans hand.

Syaoran was surprise. Her hand was securely clasped over his. They were soft but sweaty at the same time.

He looked at her and shrugged as though the simple action meant nothing to him "What's wrong."

Sakura motioned her head to his direction for a near whisper "The guy behind us touched my hair."

Syaoran looked at the man from the corner of his eye "That's all; tell him to stop it."

Sakura's face turned pale, she had an impulse to hide her face "No; I can't do that. Can you tell him for me?" She tightened her grip around his hand.

Syaoran sighed "Fine." he turned around "Dude will you quit that. You're scaring her."

The man smirked apologetically "Uh…sorry."

Sakura peered at Syaoran with staggered eyes "Thank you."

Syaoran looked out the window again. Sakura was still holding his hand. He wondered if she knew that she was still doing it. The feeling was surreal. He did not hold her hand though. He was scared to…it was all happening too fast.

When the bus reached their stop, Sakura casually released his hand as though it was nothing.

They reached Sakura's house at 5:00. Sakura stood on the pathway and stared dreadfully ahead. Her brother's house was small compare to her father's house. There was nothing special about it. There were no flowers and it sill needed a little fixing. Despite that, the neighborhood was outstanding.

"This is it. I think you can take care of yourself from here."

"I forgot…" Sakura gave him a face appealing for mercy and with the promise of tears.

Syaoran had a fearful look on his face "Forgot what?"

Sakura lightly hit herself on the head "Well you see my brother and his wife are at work and they won't be back till sometime late at night. They are probably going out too."

"So." He asked briskly.

"The keys were also in my wallet and I won't be able to get in till then."

Syaoran exhaled nosily. He didn't understand why all this was happening.

He croaked his head to the side "Come on. Let's go."

Sakura pulled her bag over her shoulder. "Go where?" She said following him.

"My house is only a few blocks from here. You can wait there."

Sakura smiled. She felt like giving him a hug but that would probably upset him, she thought.

They reached his house in less than ten minutes. He opened the door and let her in. To Sakura's surprise, it was a huge and beautiful house. Everything had expensive written on it.

"This is where you live?" she asked still looking around.

His eyes swept the room "Um….I think so." He pretended to be confused.

Sakura lightly hit his shoulder "Very funny."

"Why don't you make yourself at home, put your bag down—whatever and I'll be right back."

Before he could walk away Sakura asked "Is anyone home?"

He shook his head "Just me. My mother is on vacation for three weeks."

"And father?"

"He doesn't live here."

"So you have the whole house to yourself for three whole weeks?" Sakura asked astonished.

He nodded and walked away.

'He's so cool' Sakura thought looking around. He must be mature for his parents to trust him so much. He was not proud; she would have guessed that he was from some shabby apartment down town.

She walked into the lounge looking around like a kid in a candy store. There was a large portrait of a woman on the chimney breast. Sakura looked at it for a second before she rushed to look at the picture frames on the mantle piece. Most of them had girls on them. One of them particularly caught her eye; it was of Syaoran as a little boy. He looked five or six. He was in the tub playing with a rubber ducky. Sakura smirked.

"What do you think you are doing?" Syaoran startled her.

A short gasp escaped Sakura's lips as she quickly turned around. "You scared me."

He looked at her "You're not…are you looking…" the right words escaped him.

"I just saw you naked." Sakura giggled.

Syaoran blushed "Uh…" his mouth was still dry. He could barely construct a complete sentence.

"It's cute." She said showing him the picture.

Syaoran took the picture from her hands "Stop it. I'm not—cute" He said with a look of distaste for the word itself "…I'm manly, rugged and empowering…not cute. Damn it, I told my mom to get rid that…I can't believe it."

"I can't believe it's you?" Sakura giggled before adding "I guess you're not as modest as I thought you were. That's the most words I've ever heard you use in a sentence."

Syaoran sneered.

Sakura looked at the rest of the picture "Who are all these girls. You pimp!"

"My sisters." Syaoran said sounding rather annoyed.

Sakura clasped her hand over her mouth "Oops." She laughed nervously. "You…you have many sisters." She made sure her face made no contact with his. She saw another picture of a beautiful woman.

"Is this one of you're sisters and who's the old guy. Your grandfather?"

Syaoran released a genuine chuckle then shook his head "No. That's my mother and my father."

Sakura half smiled "I better stop looking at these."

"Good idea." He said supportively.

Sakura turned around and looked at him "So you live with you're mother why not with your father or sisters."

"Uh…my parents a divorced. My sisters have stuff going on in Hong Kong." He said intone " They say they're good friends, just to make us happy." He said in a carefree manner. As though none of it concerned or mattered to him.

"Oh. Sorry."

He faked a smile "Sorry? It was bound to happen. I don't give a shit."

"I figured. You just live with your mum?"

"I wish. It's Yelan, me and that bastard Anthony."

Sakura had a quizzical look on her face "Yelan? You call your mother by her first name? And who's Anthony?"

Syaoran slowly sat on the couch "Anthony is my mother's husband. He lives here now."

"So he's your step dad."

Syaoran had a look of aversion on his face "I wouldn't exactly call someone who loves video games, beer and women as much as I do my father."

Sakura looked at him intently. She became captivated by his life. She adored it at some extent. It sounded fictional and exciting. She wished she was as carefree as he was. She had so many secrets in her past; she wouldn't dare tell him about her family. "Your life is like some teen soap."

He stood up and tucked his hands in his pocket "Are you hungry."

Sakura's stomach growled at the mention of the word 'hungry', she blushed and looked at him "Just a little."

…………………………..

She sat in the study room after having eaten. She felt like it was the perfect time to do her home work. She always vowed to get her work done on Friday. He was in the other room at first then he walked into the study room. Sakura took one short look at him then she looked at her book again.

He opened a cabinet with a key. In the cabinet there were about ten bottles of wine and other alcohol beverages. Sakura looked up and her eyes remained fixed on him. He took out two bottles at a time then placed them on a nearby desk.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

He grabbed two more bottles "Do you want some."

Sakura gasped "I don't…I've never…" she stuttered.

He placed his hands on the table then looked at her "What is it Sakura; you've never had alcohol or you don't drink alcohol."

Sakura faked a cough "Never."

Syaoran laughed. She was the cutest thing ever. Anyone can see in her eyes that she was attracted to defiance. She was innocent beyond his belief yet more dangerous than he could have ever imagined. He raised an eyebrow. "You're a great kid." He teased.

"Kid? How old are you?"

His eyes gleamed with personal triumph "27."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "That's funny. All along I thought you were thirteen."

He grinned then decided to remind her why they were having the conversation "You've never had a tiny sip of alcohol in you're hole life?"

Sakura frowned "Does it have to be a big deal? Besides it's illegal."

He did not believe her. He mused a saucy chuckle.

He swiftly opened a bottle, like professionals do and handed it to her. Sakura read the seal on the bottle.

"Vodka?"

"Come on. Don't tell me your scared to take a sip now."

She gave him a weak smile. She grasped the bottle and took a sip. She wrinkled her face and curled her bottom lip.

Once again Syaoran couldn't help bad smile. He was living up to his reputation "Bad influence".

"All of this wine belongs to Anthony. He values it more than anything, more than my mother I think. This stuff is supposed to cost thousands." He said casually.

"How come you know so much about this wine and…alcohol?"

"Since I was thirteen my father always had theses bashes on weekends. My friends and I would sneak some of the beer." He said with dreamy eyes.

"_thirteen?"_ she thought.

"At least when I die; I'll be remembered for something."

"Remembered for what?"

"I'm the first guy that ever offered you alcohol."

Sakura took another sip then giggled "I feel so—bad."

His eyebrows rose as he watched her gobble down more vodka. Maybe he should have given her something not so heavy. He carried two bottles of wine and started to walk away.

Sakura looked at him "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to empty these bottles. I'll just throw the wine away then but the bottles back in the cabinet."

"That's so mean."

"I know." He said walking away.

……………………….

**1 hour later**

Syaoran found Sakura in the living room. She was staring at the portrait on the chimney breast again. He slouched in a corner next to the archway that separate the kitchen from the lounge.

"Are you done with your homework?" he asked coyly. For some reason he often found himself feeling rather shy around her.

"Uh…I gave up. Math sucks!" She said in an excited tone. "You're mother is real pretty."

"Yeah, she used be a model." He said casually. His eyebrows shot up when he saw what she was carrying in her right hand; bottle of clear liquor. Syaoran bit his lower lip.

"Oh no Sakura. Please you didn't?"

Sakura curled her hair around her finger "Didn't do what?"

"Give me that?" he said pointing at the bottle in her hand.

Sakura smiled like an idiot "I'm not done yet."

"When I asked you to try the vodka I didn't mean get drunk."

Sakura had an innocent look on her face. She shrugged then giggled "Oppsy daisy."

"Come on. You're scaring me." He grabbed the bottle from her hand.

Like a little child Sakura frowned then immediately smiled again "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's listen to music." She hopped in one spot excited. "I'm feeling a little too hot." She took off her blazer and threw it on the floor. She took off her navy blue knee length socks and threw one on the sofa and the other on the couch.

Syaoran heaved a sigh.

"I noticed you had a karaoke machine. Can I…" she said walking towards it and fidgeting with the buttons.

She finally managed to turn it on. "WOW! I know this song."

She grabbed the microphone and started snapping her fingers and tapping her feet. "Ohh Ohh…I love this song." She said bubbly.

Syaoran chuckled inwardly and thought "This is going to be good."

He sat on the couch and waited for the entertainment portion of his day. He recognized the beat of the song "No…not this song."

His parents always called that particular son "their song."

Sakura put the microphone down then rushed to Syaoran.

"Come on, sing with me." She said happily pulling his hand.

"I don't think so."

Sakura curled her lower lip "please." She blinked "You can be Sunny, I'll be Cher. Oh pleas Syaoran; Just once."

"No, please go right ahead." He insisted.

Sakura grabbed the microphone. "They say our love won't pay the rent…." She wasn't a great singer but she had rhythm. When it came to the chorus she sang even louder "Babe….I've got you babe….I've got you babe…I've got tomorrow."

During the rest of the song she danced. Syaoran just kept laughing until a moment came where time stood still as he watched her twirl and dance. Her movements were now in slow motion. He noticed the way her feet moved, the way her hair twirled. Her eyes were bright and she had a fix smile on her face. She was amazing.

He was mesmerized; he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was like a fairy…no an angel. She was inhuman. His lips slowly parted as he attempted to restrain himself.

She stopped dancing and placed her hands on her hips "Why are you looking at me so funny…peek a boo, I see you."

Her voice brought him back to reality like a wake up call. He blinked then grinned "You look…." He paused. Oh how he wished she was sober.

She threw herself next to him; and wrapped a hand around his neck like they were buddies.

"I love you're house. I can live here…forever." She said lightly

He kept his eyes on her.

"Hey…I know we just met." She giggled and poked his cheek. "Do you think I'm pretty?" She sounded unintelligible while she fumbled with her hair.

He looked at his wrist watch. It was nearly seven o'clock. There was no way he was going to take her home in that state. "Sure." He said rather destructed by his thoughts.

"I mean seriously. Am I like pretty?" She said shaking him.

"Yes…you are pretty."

She scowled "Then how come no one likes me?"

"What do you mean no one likes you? Sakura, I can't name one person on the planet who doesn't like you."

She beamed again "I mean like like me."

Syaoran's eyebrows shot up and a tinge of red appeared on cheeks. "Come on; you? Tons of guys like you." Since she was drunk, being nice to her came naturally.

"No they don't"

"That doesn't make sense."

"You're telling me. I mean; I'm smart, pretty and awesome. What guy wouldn't want me?" she said consoling herself.

Syaoran shrugged.

"You know, I've never had a boyfriend."

"No way." He said huskily.

She nodded hard "Yep and I think I know why." She stood up "Guys are intimidated by me because I'm such a perfectionist. I've never felt love but I strongly believe in it. Do you understand?"

Syaoran slightly nodded.

"I just wish I had someone to talk to. Maybe I don't need a boyfriend. I just need someone to listen to me." She giggled hysterically after that.

"If it makes you feel any better." He stared in a stern tone "I don't find you intimidating; maybe a little annoying and scary sometimes, but no…intimidating."

She turned rose one of her shoulders and leaned on them "What do you know about me—nothing."

"Don't you have parents, friends."

She nodded and tried to catch her balance "Nope. Hugging you is the closest I've been to anyone in years."

She found herself sliding and unable to keep steady. A strong pair of arms caught her before she could fall. He held one of her with one of his and his other arm was around her waist. He was standing behind her. Sakura turned her head and looked at him.

He looked into her eyes. He still didn't understand. Feelings came over him, feeling he predicted he would no longer be able to control. It was agony and suspense. He wondered what would happen next.

She chuckled like a coward "Wow! That was close."

He lowered his eyebrows and tried to hold on to what was still left of his pride.

"My hero." Sakura said lightly "You're always there when I'm in trouble. Isn't that crazy?"

He kept a still face as he released her.

The minute she was on her feet again, she turned around to face him. There was barely any space between them now. Syaoran swallowed hard and an odd sound came out from his throat. His hands began to tremble.

"You're shaking…" she noticed "Am I scaring you?"

He shook his head "Not even close."

She could barely see him now. Her vision was blurry. All she knew was that she was looking at his face. Her head felt light and she felt like she could fly.

"You know." She grinned flirtatiously "I've never had my first kiss."

He knew that it was the alcohol that was talking but he wanted to hear more.

She put her hand on his cheek and lightly pressed her fingers on it. She then touched his lips with her fingertips. His heart was thumping; there was no other way to describe what he was feeling.

She stood on her toes and pressed her lips against his. Her lips grazed his but Syaoran refused to kiss her back. He wanted to, but resisting that kiss was the only control he had in that situation. He reluctantly and slowly closed his eyes. He took in the scent of her hair, it was strawberries. Her lips were smooth. Her breath was warm and smelled of vodka. The smell that escaped her lips was what led him to push her away. He grabbed her shoulder and told her to stop.

She looked at him disappointedly "Why? Why aren't you kissing me back?"

"This is not you. You'll probably regret it in the morning. You don't know what you are doing."

Sakura tried to reason but failed.

He released her shoulders "We'll pretend this never happened." He tried to convince her but she seemed too out of it to understand. "You can spend the night here. Just send you're brother a message and tell him you're at your friends' house."

……………………

A/N: Thank once again for the reviews. I tried to make this chapter longer since the last two were quiet short. Please tell me what you make of it.


	4. Beautiful disaster

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 4

**Beautiful Disaster**

Six in the morning, Syaoran stared at the distressed image of perfection as she slept quietly on the living room couch. She turned over a few times finding it difficult to find comfort. He moved closer to her and slowly crept one his arms under her back.

He managed to carry her to the guestroom downstairs without disturbing her. He gently placed her on the bed.

He noticed that the first button on her shirt was still buttoned. She looked uncomfortable, like she was having a nightmare or suffocating. She was drenched in sweat and she was shaking.

He nervously placed his hand on her forehead in order to see if her body temperature was high—just as he had expected it was. In an attempt to cool her off, he started to unbutton the top button of her shirt.

Sakura slowly opened one of her eyes. The first thing she saw was his face then she felt his arms brush against her neck. Her heart started beating as all sorts of thoughts crossed her mind.

"Get off of me!!" she yelled sitting up and pushing him away.

Syaoran gave her a long hard stare before he shrugged "I'm trying to help you. You're unbelievably hot."

Sakura's jaw dropped as she covered her chest area with her hands "Help me or help yourself. Listen **you**, me getting drunk was not an invite for you to take advantage of me."

Syaoran purposely slapped his forehead "I was not trying to take advantage of you! I could never do that…you were trying to take advantage of me. Don't you remember?"

Sakura put her hand on her aching head "Huh?...no I didn't…" she paused "I feel so sick."

"You don't remember last night?"

She looked at him "I remember getting drunk and dancing." She paused and looked at him intently "Did I do something humiliating?"

Syaoran thought for a second before he shook his head "Uh, no…" He felt too shy to tell her that she kissed him, '_but how could she not remember'_, he asked himself.

She lay back and moaned "I feel like I was flattened by a steam roller, and I lived through it."

He moved further from her "Stay here…I know how to make you feel better. The bathroom is there if you need to puke." He said pointing at it.

Sakura looked at him nervously before giving him a weak pensive smirk.

Syaoran sighed "Will you get over it. I think you might be coming across a fever, I was only trying to loosen your button so that you won't feel so hot and uncomfortable."

She didn't look the slightest bit convinced at first then she sighed.

Syaoran came back with a tray in his hands. He looked up and Sakura was no longer in bed. He placed it on the bed side table when the bathroom door swung open.

She slouched and wrinkled her face "I can't take this."

He slightly smirked "Your first hangover, there is nothing like it."

She ambled towards him and sat at the edge of the bed "I'm glad you're finding all this amusing."

He stared at her with those sardonic amber eyes then gave her a boyish grin "Oh, now come on Sakura, you always expect the worst from me. Last night we were practically buddies…I think I like you better when you're drunk." He teased.

Sakura turned her face to look at the tray "What's all this?"

"Oh yeah…" he picked up a thermometer "First I'm going to check if you have a fever. The banana, aspirin and the water is for your hangover."

"When did you become a certified doctor?"

He shrugged and handed her the thermometer. After a few minutes it was official, she had a fever. He advised her to stay in bed while he found her something more comfortable to wear. She was not up to the idea. She got out of bed and stood in front of the mirror.

She started to brush her disheveled auburn hair.

"Why won't you listen?" Syaoran stood behind her with a black t-shirt in his hands.

She looked at him for a second "I can't stay here; my brother is going to kill me!"

"I told him you were at a friends' house."

She sighed "What if he calls Tomoyo, you don't understand. You don't have someone constantly breathing down your neck."

"Look at you, you're all sweaty and you can barely walk without feeling dizzy. Do you really want your brother to see you like this?"

Sakura pondered, she turned around and folded her arms across her chest "Since when did you care about my wellbeing."

He chucked "You might not remember but we did some major bonding last night."

Sakura frowned, she couldn't tell if he was making fun of her again or being honest. She eventually gave in and took a nap.

Sakura slept dreamlessly, unless the whole experience was a nightmare, and woke up sometime in the afternoon. She checked the time and decided not to risk falling asleep again, and went to take a cold bath then came back to dress. He left her with a black vintage t-shirt and some clean towels.

Sakura imagined how it would be like to walk back home in his t-shirt. She hesitated before putting it on.

"How are you feeling?" he asked when she first walked into the kitchen.

"Uh…a little better." She replied coyly.

He walked over to her and placed his hand on his forehead and the other one on hers. Sakura flushed coyly as she thought of where she could have been if it hadn't been for him.

As he withdrew his hand he smirked "Much better, are you hungry?"

She nodded patiently though she barely had an appetite. She found herself trying to categories Syaoran; he had been so kind to her that she was finding it difficult to see who he really was. Did he really hate her or was it all just an act to look tough. He was defiantly very smart, he took care of her so well…maybe smart was an overstatement; maybe he was just experienced—too experienced.

"Aren't you hungry anymore?" he suddenly asked breaking her string of thoughts.

Sakura shuddered and looked up "Oh, yeah…sure."

The more she forced the food down, the more her appetite returned. He was quiet, awfully quiet.

"Are you going to the fair next week? It's to raise funds for prom."

He shook his head then took a sip of his drink "No."

Sakura stared at him in silent dismay before sitting up "Why not, aren't you going to prom?"

He shook his head again.

She smiled "It's going to be awesome; the theme this year is famous couples throughout history. We don't want to have just an ordinary prom."

One of his eyebrows rose, he had an artificial smile that said "I-clearly-cannot-be-bothered."

After the meal, Syaoran was ready to take her home. They walked cautiously alongside each other as though too afraid to say anything. When they were in front of Sakura's house, she stopped walking and turned to him.

"You can drop me off here." She told him.

He stopped walking; he was carrying her school bag because he didn't feel like she was fit to carry such a heavy thing.

He nodded looking back at her "So is this goodbye?"

He was adorable; he was like a puppy afraid to be left alone in the rain.

Sakura beamed at him loving the innocent look on his face "We go to the same school remember."

"It doesn't make a difference. When Monday comes, everything will go back to normal. This will be like some horrible dream or a strange visit to the twilight zone…"

"….where normal things don't happen." They spoke at the same time.

"Precisely, you're going back to your life and I mine. Who would have known that you are a speeding train off tracks?" He released a genuine smile.

"You bring out the worst in me." She smiled back.

He fumbled in his pocket and took out a cigarette. He looked up at the pale blue sky and placed it between his lips. He squinted then looked at her again.

"Goodbye Sakura."

"When do you want your t-shirt back?"

He shrugged his shoulders and lit the cigarette "Keep it."

"I can't."

"Is that just some lousy excuse to see me again?"

"You wish." She said lightly.

When Sakura walked over to him to acquire her bag, she muttered "Will you get rid of that. What if my brother sees you smoking?" 

Syaoran sighed "Tell him you don't know me."

Sakura shot him a sardonic smile. She took a few steps back before she turned around and started walking away. Suddenly she turned her head across her shoulder and with a flirty smirk she said "I'll bring it tomorrow."

Syaoran sighed as he watched her walk away. He found his palms suddenly clammy and his heart was pounding uncontrollably. Fate did not give him enough time to prepare his heart for love.

…………………

Sakura opened the front door and took a deep breath _"if I can just make it upstairs I'll be home free."_

"Where have you been?" Touya's voice trailed from across the living room.

Sakura giggled "Hi big brother, long time no see." She said jokingly "I'd love to chat but I've got homework."

"I've been worrying about you all night, how could you lie to me. I called Tomoyo and she said she hadn't seen you since school knocked off!" he yelled.

Sakura glared at him then started her way upstairs.

"This is not like you…don't try to get away. We're going to talk about this whether you like it or not."

Sakura stopped to look at him. She folded her arms across her chest and crudely said "What do you want to know."

"Where have you been?" he said finally noticing the t-shirt she was wearing.

"At a friends." She said starting her way upstairs.

"A boy?" Touya speculated.

Sakura did not reply, instead she ran upstairs to her room.

A few minutes later, she heard a gentle knock on her bedroom door. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Nakuru."

"Come in." Sakura said burying her head in her pillow.

Nakuru sat on the edge of Sakura's bed, she and Touya were newly weds. She was beautiful and caring but when they first met Sakura found her obnoxious and outspoken. When she and Touya started dating, it was like by some miracle, she changed.

"What's wrong?" she asked in a calm voice.

"Nothing." Sakura said turning her head to face her "I just wish Touya would get off of my case."

"He was worried about you, we both were. You've only lived with us for a day; it was scary to think of what could have happened to you."

Sakura realized how right Nakuru was; she sat up and looked at her. "I didn't mean to."

"What happened to you; that is obviously a boy's t-shirt."

Sakura swallowed hard "He's only my friend. I got sick yesterday so I ended up spending the night. I thought Touya would be mad if he knew it was a boy. I messed up my clothes so he borrowed me his."

Nakuru nodded understandably.

……………………

Sunday afternoon, Chiharu appeared in her bedroom.

"It's much smaller than your old room." She commented. "Your closet is not even big enough.'

"This is the best my brother can afford right now." Sakura explained.

"I don't like the grey wallpaper; it reminds me of a public bathroom."

Sakura looked down at her fingers sorrowfully. Popularity was a demanding role, as long as that was her room; she swore never to have a slumber party ever again.

"I've got an idea, why don't you come live with me until we graduate."

"My father probably won't let me." She sighed.

"Your Dad is way too strict."

Sakura looked up at Chiharu and nodded agreeably.

"Are there any hot guys in this neighborhood?" Chiharu said shifting to the window.

Sakura shrugged her shoulders "None I know of."

As she watched Chiharu stare out of the window, she thought of how lame and shallow her friend really was. She started questioning her own priorities.

"You should have seen Hikari the other day, how dare she decide to make her skirt shorter. Did you see the size of her calves—gross?" Chiharu looked at Sakura then giggled.

Sakura had a weak smiled, she was not too into gossiping and making fun of other people. Of course for Chiharu it came naturally, she was the mean one of the group. She was always nice to people but never hesitated to say nasty things about them behind their back.

"Let's go see a movie at the mall." Chiharu suggested after making fun of two other people.

Sakura nodded "Sure."

As Sakura changed into other clothes, Chiharu saw the black t-shirt on her bed. She picked it up and looked at it "Yuk! Please don't tell me you own this."

Sakura looked at Chiharu from across her shoulder "No, it's not mine."

Chiharu held up to her nose "Smells like…boy, oh my gosh! Explain!"

Sakura shrugged "I can't believe you smell clothes and how do you know it's not my brothers."

Chiharu sighed "It smells like teenage boy. Come on Sakura, who is he."

Sakura took out a short denim skirt "I'm not saying anything."

"Are you really into him or is it just mild? Does he go to our school?" Chiharu squealed.

Sakura shrugged "I don't want to talk about this."

"Sakura, you are always shy about boys. You barely talk about your past relationships. Let me in on this one."

Sakura put on her skirt and looked in the mirror "I don't know what to call this thing I have with him. I can't call him a friend, that would be an overstatement but yet we are sort of friends. I just don't know."

……………………

**A/N: I finally found enough time to write a chapter for this fan fiction. It only took me two hours plus editing. I just hope you liked it and it doesn't look like something I quickly just wrote. Here are four reasons why you should review this chapter…**

**If you do, the next one won't take so long.**

**The next chapter has even cuter s+s moments.**

**Syaoran will be shirtless in the next chapter (I promise) -.-**

**There is a moral lesson to be learnt…think about it.—underage drinking will land you a very hot boyfriend…eventually (Yikes…I'm only kidding SERIOUSLY) it would probably do the opposite. O.o reality bites. **

**Anyway, plz review. PS—I'm not bribing. (Or am I?) **

……………………………………………..


	5. Beauty and the Rebel

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 5

**Beauty and the Rebel**

"Have you seen a black t-shirt?" Sakura said to Nakuru while rushing to the basement.

"You mean the one you were wearing on Saturday?" Nakuru asked from the kitchen.

Sakura nodded hastily.

"I think I saw it on top of the washing machine."

Sakura released a sigh of relief when she saw Syaoran's t-shirt on top of a pile of clothes next to the washing machine. She held it to her chest then checked if it was clean.

"Sakura! Hurry up…if you take any longer, I swear you're taking the bus!" Touya yelled from outside.

Sakura rushed to the car and got in. As she fastened her seat belt, Touya looked at her outlandishly. Sakura turned to him and shrugged her shoulders.

"What?"

His vision lingered on the t-shirt she was currently holding in her hands.

Sakura exhaled nosily "I promised I'd return it."

He turned on the ignition "You're awfully attached to it, it's driving me crazy."

"No I'm not…he's just an **associate**."

He gave her a sardonic smirk then shook his head.

Why did Touya have to bring him up, having his t-shirt was already too big of a reminder. She couldn't shake the thought of a reoccurring dream that made her shudder. In this dream, she had kissed Syaoran but he refused to kiss her back. So far, considering the number of times she slept, she had already kissed him 6 times. She knew for a fact that she was going to kiss him again in boring Math. At least it was a distraction from the blue envelop that she had been kept in her bag for nearly a month.

"Alright….he just so happens to be a guy friend. You've never minded any of my other male acquaintances."

"This one is suspiciously different."

Sakura laughed out loudly "You've never even met him."

Touya smiled at her and paid attention to road; though Sakura's behavior was odd, he chose not to take it too seriously. She had always been well behaved, nothing could change that.

…………………………………..

"Are you ready for the test?" Tomoyo asked looking at Sakura during math period.

Sakura took a deep breath before looking at her friend nervously "Huh, no…I'm going to flunk. I've been trying all weekend to get those stupid equations, I even asked my brother and he says he doesn't remember."

Tomoyo smiled at Sakura "You'll do just fine."

"I'll be lucky if I get a c." Sakura said disappointingly.

Sakura was depressed all day due to that nightmare of a test. After school, she changed into her cheerleading uniform and rushed to the football field. Not even cheerleading—her favorite thing, could make her happy. After practice, instead of having the usual conversations with her friends, she hurried back to her locker and decided to go straight home.

As she made her out of the hallway, she saw Syaoran standing by his locker. He started to walk away and she hurried after him.

"Syaoran!" she called up to him.

He stopped walking, turned around then purposely sighed when he saw her. The minute his eyes met her cheerleading uniform, his hormones came racing at the speed of light. Her hair fluffed around her head like a broken halo. He felt his feet tremble and his heart was beating much too fast. He was confused, why was his body reacting the way it was?

She looked amazing, much more than the other cheerleaders who were a disgrace next to her. Everything she wore suited her, she could wear rugs and she would still look sexy, he thought.

"Hi, good afternoon." She said posing a joyous tone.

He looked at her thoughtfully before he spoke "What's wrong with you?"

She released an artificial giggle "What do you mean? I just want to return your t-shirt." She opened her bag and pulled it out.

"Didn't I tell you to keep it?"

She shrugged and handed it to him "I told you, I can't."

She realized that she sounded stubborn but there was no way she was going to tell him that his t-shirt made her think of him. She thought of him in ways that were beyond her own understanding.

He looked into her compelling eyes before rotating away "Why do you look so sad this time?"

Sakura was taken aback; sometimes he was such a mind reader. "How do you know I'm not alright?"

He started to walk and she followed behind.

"That look in your eyes, you had it the first time we met. Though you are trying hard to smile, your eyes give away what you are feeling inside."

Sakura was impressed, he read her like a book and that frightened her; in fact just about everything about him frightened her.

"You know that math test we wrote?"

He nodded walking faster.

"I have a feeling I failed and I'm not the type of person who takes failure too well." The faster he walked, the faster she spoke "I've been trying so hard to pass; I was up all Saturday night."

Syaoran walked into the boy's bathroom and without realizing it, Sakura followed him there too.

"…I've been trying all semester to pass algebra and…" she paused when she saw where she was. She looked around then clasped her hand over her mouth.

"Why didn't you tell me you were entering the boys' bathroom?"

He shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly smiled "I didn't want to disturb you while you were talking."

Sakura looked at him then folded her arms over her chest "So...uh, how do those things work anyway?" she pointed at the toilets with her head.

Syaoran shook his head "Do you mind."

"Oh right." Sakura turned around. "Anyway, like I was saying, I've been horrible at math since the fifth grade…." She spoke louder so that she could not hear the sound of urine dripping.

After Syaoran washed his hands he looked at her "You're crazy." He said interrupting her.

Sakura stopped talking and looked at him "Were you even listening to me?"

He smirked "Well, you did follow me all the way to the lavatory. It would have been rude if I wasn't."

He started his way out and she followed.

"So what should I do?' she asked him despondently.

Syaoran could not believe it; she was asking him for advice. He grabbed both of her shoulders and looked into her eyes "I'm late for detention, right now I'm in a hurry."

"But—"

"I'm brilliant when it comes to algebra, come to my house this evening and I'll teach you everything there is to know."

And with those words, he walked away. Sakura felt herself drawn to him. He was a young man genuinely troubled by angst, by constant worries over personal questions. Just like he could tell that she was miserable by looking deep into her eyes, she could tell _that_ about him.

………………………………..

When Sakura rang the door bell to Syaoran's house, a beautiful woman opened it. Sakura immediately recognized her; she was the woman in the picture which meant that she was Syaoran's mother. She was more beautiful and taller in person.

"May I help you?" it was obvious that she did not speak Japanese frequently.

Sakura smiled holding a pile of books in her hands "Is Syaoran here? We're in the same class."

A wide smile spread across her delicate features, she looked as though she could not believe that Sakura was standing at her doorstep. She flipped her hair back and opened the door wide.

"Come in…" she insisted.

Sakura looked around the house, just as she did the first time she entered it. It looked the same but she still found it intriguing.

"I'm Syaoran's mother but you can just call me Yelan." She chuckled after that.

"I'm Sakura…Kinomoto. Syaoran said he'd tutor me this evening. Is he around?"

"He's still at kendo practice but he'll be back any minute from now. Would you like to wait for him?"

Sakura nodded; she expected Yelan to be callous and an utmost diva but she was nothing like that.

"Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?" she offered.

Sakura diligently accepted; she asked Sakura a couple of questions about her relationship with Syaoran—nothing that made her feel uncomfortable. She told her about her senior year and what she thought her future would be at the time.

"I'm so worried about Syaoran." She said suddenly.

"Why?"

She took a sip of her hot chocolate "He's never lasted more than a year in any of the schools he's attended. It would be horrible if he was kicked out in his last year of high school. I have four girls; none of them have ever given me trouble."

Sakura nodded attentively.

"He goes with his instinct; he doesn't want to be told what to do or who to be. Last year he attended Wally Range Academy for boys. It was such a nice school, his father and I thought he was going to last there. It was strict and the principle was good friends with Syaoran's father."

"What went wrong?" Sakura asked.

Suddenly the front door opened, in it walked Syaoran and a tall blonde man. Sakura looked at Syaoran then at the man. He had a rugged chin, beautiful piercing baby blue eyes and a killer body. He looked around twenty five and had a smile on his face the minute he turned to their direction.

"Mom…Sakura…" Syaoran said as though he didn't like what he was seeing.

"Good you're home. Sakura has been waiting for you." Yelan stood up.

Sakura stood up and Yelan introduce her to the blonde man. He was Anthony—Yelan's boyfriend.

"I didn't know Syaoran had such beautiful friends." Anthony smiled at her. It was statements like that that immediately went to her head.

Sakura blushed throughout their whole meeting while Syaoran stood unnoticeably in the background.

"Sakura, let's go." He finally spoke.

Sakura was reluctant to leave Anthony's presence so Syaoran grabbed her hand and pulled her with him.

"Anthony is nice, and your mother too." Sakura said when they reached his bedroom. She was too busy thinking about Anthony to take notice of Syaoran's incredible bedroom.

"Whatever." He said frustrated.

"How old is Anthony anyway?" she asked leaning on the wall dream fully. She just loved the way 'An-th-ony' rolled off her tongue.

He turned around to look at her "Who cares."

Sakura stopped daydreaming "You don't have to be angry, I'm not planning on stealing him from your mom."

He sighed, "That's not what I'm angry about. Yesterday my drivers' license was suspended, now **that** Anthony has to pick me up from Kendo and he was an hour late."

"Why would they take away your license?"

He shrugged his shoulders as though he was innocent.

"Can we start; I can't be late for dinner."

He nodded "Sure, just get your stuff ready. I need to get something to eat."

After an hour, Sakura started to understand the equations. He was a great tutor, he was very patient with her and he did not get mad when she did not understand. After another hour, Sakura felt like she understood everything.

"The next test is on Thursday." She told him.

"You know what your problem is Sakura, you're not confident. You underestimate your potential."

Sakura nodded agreeably as she grabbed her books. She looked around, and then it finally hit her…that she was in his room. A boy's bedroom, she's never been in a boys' bedroom. Suddenly she felt nervous. She managed a weak smile and lightly said.

"Thank you for everything. I promise to return the favor."

He moved closer to her and placed his hand on her shoulder "You really don't have to."

Sakura's head slowly averted to the warm hand he had on her shoulder and immediately, he pulled away. He blushed then ran his fingers through his messy of hair.

"Bye." He said quickly.

Before opening the door Sakura turned around "Syao…why did they suspend you from Wally Range Academy?"

"Who told you that?" he asked his eyebrows sliding.

"Your mother." She wished she took it back but it was too late.

He looked at her broodingly "Trust me, if I told you, you wouldn't want anything to do with me."

It was hoped that he would clarify his ambiguous statement but he spoke no further of the matter.

"Oh." She said nonchalant holding her books tightly to her chest "Goodbye then."

When Sakura reached down stairs, Yelan rushed to her side and grabbed her hand. "Are you busy Friday afternoon?" she asked.

"No."

Yelan smiled leading Sakura to the door "Well, Friday is Syaoran's eighteenth birthday. Anthony and I thought it would be a great idea if we threw him a surprise pool party in the yard. He doesn't have many friends, I know a few of his male friends from his old school but you should come and you can bring your friends."

Sakura smiled "Sure, I'd love to."

……………………..

Lunch time the next day, Sakura sat with her fellow overachievers and the minute she saw Syaoran enter the room, she looked at her friends.

"Are any of you busy on Friday afternoon?" she asked desperately.

They all shook their heads at the same time and said "No." as though they were programmed androids.

Sakura sighed in relief "A friend of mine is having a party and…"

"…since when did you have friends other than us?" Chiharu asked crossing her arms across her chest.

Sakura didn't know how to explain it, she choose to continue what she started instead "It's his birthday and his Mom wants to surprise him. She said I can bring whoever I want."

The girls looked at each other then Tomoyo asked "Who is 'he'?

Sakura smiled "Syaoran Li."

Tomoyo and Chiharu looked as though they had already disapproved of him.

"Isn't he that juvenile delinquent?" Chiharu snorted.

"I can't believe you're still hanging out with him." Tomoyo suddenly spoke.

Sakura couldn't remember the last time she felt so disappointed in her friends. She looked up and grinned "So, can you come anyway."

Naoko rolled her eyes "My Mum has this strict rule of always knowing the people I hang out with, I don't think she would approve."

"I heard he got expelled from his last school for nearly killing some kid." Chiharu added.

Sakura's eyes were filled with tears; she didn't understand why her eyes suddenly got watery. She could not swallow what Chiharu was telling her, as far as she was concerned, he might not have been well behaved but underneath it all, he had a heart of gold.

"…I can't go anyway; the fun fair is on Saturday. We need to decorate."

Sakura's jaw tightened "I thought you said we would do that Saturday morning."

"We have to shop for new outfits Saturday morning. In case you've forgotten, this is one of the biggest social events of the year."

All the other girls agreed and Sakura was left alone in the dark.

"Well, I can't! I made a promise…I'll decorate tomorrow morning."

Tomoyo sighed "You just met this person and you're choosing him over us?"

Sakura was lost; she stood up and said apprehensivly "I'm sorry."

Chiharu glared at her "Fine, you're off the entertainment committee."

All of the other girls gasped and looked at Chiharu for she had no right to kick Sakura off the committee. Sakura was the president, she made the rules and only she had the power to kick anyone off.

Sakura pretended to chuckle before she looked at Chiharu "You really need to grow up." She said walking away.

"That was harsh." Tomoyo said when Sakura was gone.

"If Sakura is really our friend, she is going to have to choose. It will be bad for all of our reputations if someone who is suppose to be our friend is seen hanging around that rebel."

……………………………

Thursday morning Sakura wrote her math test. She took Syaoran's advice and it looked like she was finally going to get that A. On Friday afternoon, she came out of class smiling, despite the latest controversy concerning her and her group of friends. She hadn't spoken to them for days and none bothered to apologies to her.

She rushed outside the school building to the bus stop. Syaoran was leaning against a pole looking aimlessly at the road.

"Syaoran! Syao!" she yelled.

He looked up and before he knew it Sakura had her arms around him. He secretly smiled before he gently pushed her away.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I got an A." she said pulling him for another hug.

She released him and bust into laugher. He smirked and his eyes were drunk with as much happiness as hers. The minute the laughter faded, Sakura looked up at him.

"Happy Birthday."

"How did you know?" he asked.

"Your mother told me. So what are you going to do?"

He shrugged his shoulders "Nothing…it doesn't mean anything to me."

"The big One Eight; you can do most of the things you were not allowed to do when you were seventeen."

He quietly laughed to himself "I've already done most of the things I'm not allowed to do."

A bus stopped in front of them "Are you taking the bus?"

Sakura shook her head "My brother is coming this time."

He nodded and walked in. She stood there frozen forgetting where she was supposed to be.

"Get a grip!" she finally told herself.

……………………..

The surprise party started out very horribly. Yelan struggled to find people to attend his party. Most of his friends lived too far away to come and the few friends he had in Japan couldn't make it.

When Syaoran reached home, they surprised him and he was surprise—to see Sakura there. He was not surprised that no one came other his mother and her immature boyfriend. He did not want to look unappreciative so he decided to be calm about it.

He sat at the edge of the pool in his swimming suit trunks with his feet in the water.

"I'm sorry it's only us." His mother apologized for the third time.

Syaoran looked up "I told you, it's alright. Those people can barely be called friends of mine."

She smiled and nodded "Anthony is setting up the barbeque. He'll probably need your help."

Syaoran slowly stood up "Yelan, where is Sakura?"

"Last time I checked she went to change into her bathing suit."

His heart stopped beating 'Bathing suit? What? She can't do this to me, I get the jitters just by seeing her in he cheerleading uniform. I wonder…is it going to be a bikini….a one-piece…oh please let be a one-piece….'

He looked up and swallowed hard, he's pleading for a one-piece fell flat on the floor. She wore a white bikini with denim shorts. Suddenly everything started moving in slow motion, like in the movies. His eyes glistened in the sunlight and her short glossy hair curled beautifully around her head, and her whole face looked as if she had lights inside her. Her body was his main focus, he couldn't breathe. Her skin was smooth and sun kissed. Her legs looked like they could go on forever and her breasts were….

"You dirty little bastard." Anthony disturbed Syaoran's train of rather perverse thoughts.

Syaoran gathered his conscious and looked at Anthony before looking at Sakura again "I'm thinking about something else." He lied.

Anthony put his hand on Syaoran's shoulder and shook him "Maybe you should put a leash on those hormones of yours. You might just scare her away." He teased.

Syaoran glared at him "Will you shut up!"

Sakura finally reached Syaoran and Anthony "Aren't you going to swim Anthony?" she glittered and sparkled as she talked.

Syaoran rolled his eyes and sighed, she was so naïve.

"Nope, I've got meat to roast." He said walking past her.

She turned around and took a swift look at Syaoran's anatomy. She felt ashamed of herself for loving what she was seeing. She noticed the dragon tattoo on his forearm and his powerful physique.

"How about you Syao?" she finally spoke to him.

Syaoran started to sweat and his breathing was above normal. "Uh…ba…um…" he swallowed walking backwards "Ye…."

He took a step back and suddenly fell into the pool. Sakura laughed with excitement as she watched him swim up to the surface despite the fact that most of the water splashed on her.

"What happened?" she asked.

He looked up at her face then shrugged.

During the rest of the party, they swam, danced, talked and ate. Late in the afternoon, Syaoran had already blown out the candles on his birthday cake. He and Sakura at the edge of the pool and ate the chocolate cake.

"This was fun." She told him splashing her feet in the water.

He nodded thoughtfully then said "I'm sure you had better things to do."

Sakura shook her head "I'd rather be here; my friends aren't talking to me anymore."

"Why?"

Sakura looked at him and smiled "They're just stupid and jaded."

Syaoran's eyebrows rose "Are we talking about the same best friends who are constantly around you."

"Not lately, I never realized how cruel they are." She took one rapid look at him then turned away "Are you still not coming to the fun fair tomorrow?"

He looked up at the water "Uh, will you be there?"

"Of course, I practically organized most of the event. That idiot Chiharu knows I did."

Syaoran didn't quiet understand the last bit of her statement but he pretended to. Sakura looked down at her lap; they had never been so close to each other. It was awkward at times but it felt right. She took another bite of her chocolate cake then gently nudged Syaoran in the stomach with her elbow.

"This is the best birthday cake I've ever had. You were such a good sport I thought the world was literally coming to an end."

"Well, don't get too used to it." He paused "For what it's worth…this is the best birthday I've ever had."

Her heart fluttered, that was the nicest thing she had ever heard him say.

He slowly stood up "Do you want a glass of champagne?"

"Sure." Sakura said without putting too much thought into it. She wasn't going to drink too much, like last time. She was only going to have one glass.

When Syaoran came back, Sakura had on his mother's sun hat and a pair of large sunglasses. She looked adorable; he could not keep his eyes off of her.

"What do you think." She asked him in a childlike tone.

Syaoran blushed "Uh…you…" he was speechless.

She took the glasses and the hat off. Syaoran handed her a glass of golden champagne.

"Won't your mother be mad?"

He shook his head and turned to look at his mother through the patio doors "She's alright with it."

"She's the coolest person I've ever met. She used to act and model; she's a lot of fun. My Father is the most boring human being on this planet. The last time we took a family vacation was when I was eight and that was only because he won it."

Syaoran kept his vision on her during the whole time. His heart was thumping again and his palms were sweaty. It was not just her body that was bringing about this excitement, it was everything about her.

"My father is just as careless as she is. When they got divorced and saw that we were all old enough to understand that their marriage was not working out, it was like they decided to become teenagers again. I hate it, picture meeting your mother at one of your favorite night clubs. I think she's irresponsible most of the time, there's no point in having her around anymore."

Sakura snapped "I can't believe you just said that."

"She lets me do what I want, sometimes I wish she wouldn't." his eyebrows descended "I don't understand why you are so angry."

She looked at him "It hurts to see you say things like that. I don't even remember what it's like to have a mother. Maybe she isn't the most suited mom but she loves and cares for you. That's all that really matters."

He croaked his head and held her hand. He could not figure out where this sudden dose of courage came from "I'm sorry."

It was official, this was it—first love. He had grown accustomed to not apologizing for his actions. She made him do things he would normally never do. She made him feel like he was a good person who could be understood. Syaoran tried to act indifferent, he was afraid that she'll see that he had lost his direction.

Sakura looked at him and thought 'he's holding my hand…this isn't real.' A strange feeling came over her, her heart was thumping and her palms were sweaty. The feeling made her squirm and she prayed he did not notice. She looked in his eyes and saw something she had never seen in them before…..

"Sakura! Sakura!" Touya yelled storming into the yard.

Sakura looked up "Oh crap." She muttered.

Syaoran turned around to see Touya "Whose that?"

"My brother." Sakura hesitated.

Both Sakura and Syaoran quickly stood up before he reached them.

"What are you doing here?" he yelled.

"I was invited." Sakura muttered in a bitter tone.

Touya looked down and saw the glasses of champagne "That's it, we're going home."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

He grabbed her forearm "Have you lost you're mind? What is Dad going to say when I tell him I caught you half naked with a boy drinking alcohol?"

Syaoran sighed and looked at Touya with disdain "Dude, it's not what it looks like."

Touya glared at Syaoran "Don't 'dude' me you little imbecile."

Touya pulled Sakura and forced her to walk "Go change into something decent and we are leaving."

Tears came streaming down Sakura's face as she looked across her shoulder to Syaoran. She felt like she was being separated from the one person that made her not ashamed to be the person she was. She watched him stand helplessly as they departed.

Yelan approached Touya and said "They're only kids having fun."

"Maybe this is how you raise your kids, by giving them access to alcohol and letting them do anything they damn please but that's not how Sakura was raised. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Sakura got her stuff and put on a t-shirt. Touya tightly grabbed her hand and pulled her straight out the door. His car was parked in the driveway and he practically shoved her in it.

"What's your problem!" she yelled at him amidst the tears "We were only talking."

"You're not coming here again! Are you listening to me?"

Sakura clasped her hand over her mouth as more tears spilled down her cheeks "You embarrassed me. I hate you!"

"You can hate me all you want; I know you don't mean it. Some day you will understand."

"I'm never talking to you again!" she cried.

"I don't care!" he yelled louder.

"You don't know the first thing about him—he's my friend."

"He has a very bad reputation, word travels fast. I don't want to see you around him ever."

Sakura crossed her arms across her chest. She kept quiet until they reached home.

The minute Touya parked the car; he looked at her "You have so many things going for you. Don't throw that away Sakura. I don't see why you want him in your life when you've got so many people who love and care about you. You hear stories about this all the time; a good girl like you becomes infatuated with someone on the wrong side of the law. It all ends the same, girl gets pregnant and guy leaves. You might find that rebel thing attractive right now but boys like that don't want a steady girlfriend. All they want is one thing and that's to get into your pants and leave." Touya chattered away hardly looking at her long, melancholy face.

"You don't think I'm responsible enough." Choking back her tears "He's not even my boyfriend."

Touya unfastened his seatbelt. "And let's keep it that way." He got out of the car and slammed the door.

Sakura couldn't describe how much she hated Touya at that moment. She mopped away a stream of tears and took out the present she was planning to give him. Her fingers closed on the tiny box in its little plastic case. She wiped away the tears and opened the car door.

………………………

**A/N: Good? Bad? Reviews plz -**


	6. Fall in love tonight

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 6

**Fall in love tonight**

'Maybe I shouldn't go…it's a dumb fair anyway' Sakura consoled herself.

She stared back at her reflection in the mirror, how did Saturday arrive so quickly? She stayed under the radar through out the whole morning. Now it was time for her to face her problems—the people who were associated with her recent change of moods.

First on the list there was Chiharu, she was the most hurtful person. She was cynical and cruel in the most hidden of ways.

Then there was her brother Touya, it had been a whole day since she spoke to him. He was impulsive and overprotective.

Finally there was Syaoran, how was she ever going to face Syaoran? Her hands trembled at the thought of him. She was too ashamed to think of even talking to him—he probably thought she was a loser or a child considering the way Touya treated her.

She placed a finger on the palm of her hand—he touched it, he touched her hand. She had never experienced anything like it.

"Sakura, Tomoyo is here." Nakuru knocked on the bathroom door.

Sakura sighed and muttered "What does she want."

Tomoyo sat in the living room with her legs crossed and her arms on her lap. She turned her head to look at Sakura as she entered the room. Sakura was wearing a faded pair of jeans and a blue hooded jumper. She threw herself on the couch and crossed her arms.

"I see you're going to the funfair." Sakura said noticing Tomoyo's brand new cerulean dress.

"I see you're not." Tomoyo commented looking at Sakura with uncertainty is her midnight eyes.

Sakura shrugged "I don't see the point anymore."

Tomoyo looked down ashamed "You worked so hard for it, we were wrong to treat you the way we did." She looked up "We were just really worried about you. I'm especially sorry, I'm your best friend. I should have defended you no matter what."

Sakura made no gesture as she waited for her to say more.

"I guess when you are mad at people you forget the things that matter." Tomoyo quickly

took out a charm bracelet that immediately brought back so many precious memories.

"Remember when we were obsessed with these in sixth grade. We got them for each other and promised to be friends forever."

Sakura slightly rose her shoulders "I lost mine and you were so mad at me."

Tomoyo smiled "I told you it was alright, this bracelet still means a lot to me."

Sakura smiled back and immediately, after that they started to talk to each other like nothing was ever wrong.

"Please come to the fair, we need you. We don't have enough people to help us and they'll be tones of leftovers."

Sakura beamed and agreed to come. She changed into her a yellow halter-top and a pair of jeans and they left.

……………………

The fair was better than Sakura had anticipated, many people showed up. There was a live DJ, a few rides and many games. She, Tomoyo and Chiharu had been serving ice-cream, corndogs and other snacks for nearly three hours.

"So are you still going to hang out with that guy?" Chiharu did not waste time to question.

"Uh…" Sakura smiled "I'm not sure."

"Not sure?" Chiharu looked like she was ready to vomit.

Sakura giggled "Relax, we're just friends. It's not what you think."

Suddenly she smiled and hugged Sakura "We're always here for you Saku."

The sun had long disappeared and they were colorful lights everywhere. When Sakura felt like she was just about ready to go home, something happened. She was waiting for a customer when she saw him at the corner of her eye. He looked lost at first then suddenly he saw her. He stopped walking and looked at her.

**What day is it? And in what month?  
This clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time**

She slowly waved at him and he smirked and nodded, she saw his expression from where she was standing. He tucked his hands in his pocket and did something he would have never let her catch him doing…he stared at her. (Not in a stalker kind of way)

**'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you**

She would turn away, stare, turn away then stare at him again.

She felt it again, the same feeling she felt when he held her hand. It took over her like a deadly plague. She longed to be with him.

**One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You've got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here**

She turned away again and looked at Tomoyo.

"Is everyone leaving?" Tomoyo asked.

Sakura shrugged "I think so; we haven't even gotten a chance to enjoy ourselves."

"Yeah."

The minute Tomoyo's head turned from her, she rotated her head to look at him. He was gone.

She started to wonder if she really saw him or if she was imagining it, but she was keen to find out.

"Do you mind…there's something I want to check out. I won't take long."

"I'll come with you." Tomoyo said.

Sakura smiled "Uh…it's okay, I'll be quick—I promise."

Sakura walked away swiftly before Tomoyo could say anything else. She searched for him all over, from the ferries wheel to the kissing booth. She turned around and to her luck, bumped into the person her heart desired.

"I'm sorry." She said looking into his face.

He shrugged and smiled at her. He wanted to say so much but he didn't know where to start…he was always speechless around her.

**'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you**

"You came." She said letting him look into her emerald eyes.

And he did, he looked into them until he could no longer breathe. "I got bored."

She chuckled and flushed coyly "No kidding."

He nodded; they uttered short sentences but each sentence brought a deep meaning.

"I'm sorry for my…"

"We'll talk about that some other time." He interrupted her "right now I just want to…"

**There's something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
Everything she does is beautiful  
Everything she does is right**

He was extremely close, Sakura was nervous. It was far worse than before, she was certain that if he was to kiss her, she would die.

**'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do  
Nothing to lose  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you  
and me and all other people with nothing to do  
Nothing to prove  
And it's you and me and all other people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you**

Unexpectedly he sighed and his eyebrows rose "Isn't that your brother?"

Sakura crinkled her tiny nose and croaked her head. 'That's it, why did you allow me to get so excited.' She thought then concentrated on the image of Touya walking around with Nakuru.

She looked at Syaoran "Ignore him."

Syaoran seemed unsure, he took a step back. Sakura was disappointed; she did not want him to leave.

"Are you hungry? I've got ice-cream and corndogs." she kept her vision on him.

He touched the tip of her nose with his finger and sniggered "Maybe next time, bye Sakura."

**What day is it?  
And in what month?  
This clock never seemed so alive**

"Bye." She said intone.

How dare he leave her so unsatisfied, how dare he made her think he was feeling the things she was. He was either trying to play mind games with her or he just didn't like her that way. Sakura looked up at the stars. She blinked hard and smiled. There was not a more ideal night to fall in love.

………………

Monday morning, she grabbed her school bag and hurried downstairs.

"I'm taking the bus to school." She told Nakuru.

Nakuru had a quizzical look on her face "Touya can drop you off."

Sakura sighed "I'd rather have needles stuck in my eyes."

She rushed out and slammed the door. She saw the first orange leaf on the branch of an oak tree in front of the house; it was the first indication that autumn was on its way.

She ambled down the road and walked up to the bus stop. She waited patiently. Patience was an inconvenient state of mind. She thought of using the time to put a little makeup of her pretty face but then again, it did not seem as important as it once did. She did it for compliments and confidence now the compliments were not different from lies and confidence was something she pretended to withhold. The truth was she was a frightened girl in a scary world.

"Look who decided to take the bus on Monday morning."

His voice came with a gust of wind. It had the power to make her feet quiver and all the breath from her body was withdrawn in an instant.

"Good morning." She muttered turning around.

"How are you?"

She looked at the ground and said coyly "Fine."

He circled around her "Today, we can talk about last Friday. You left so early, it wasn't your fault. I came to your house yesterday; your brother said you weren't home. I got the feeling he was just trying to keep me away from you."

"I'm so embarrassed." She confessed.

He stopped walking "I'm embarrassed, he was right."

Sakura's head shot up "Right?"

"I should have never given you the champagne, I should have…never held your hand." He said in a half whisper.

Sakura could feel her eyebrows twitching "No."

He looked at her and said with a smug grin on his lips "Hasn't it occurred to you yet that I'm no good for you?"

She shrugged "I'm tired of people telling me what is and what isn't good for me. I thought you understood."

The smug grin on his face disappeared as fast as it had arrived "I don't want to ruin something that's…" he paused "So perfect."

"Don't say that, you're being just like everyone else. You're my friend now; you know well enough that what you are saying is not true."

She looked at him teary eyed, he just wanted to grab her and protect her in his arms. She looked away and quickly fixed her blazer and he tucked his hands in his pocket.

"He won't let us see each other." He paused "Listen, I don't want to sound like a wimp but, your brother frightens the hell out of me."

She looked like she was ready to crumble, she was unaware of how much she liked being around him. "I would never let him touch you."

Syaoran chuckled "Maybe I'll see you around. I'm sure you and your friends have made up—face it; everyone you care about hates me. It doesn't make sense for you to want my company."

He paused then gave her a serious face "Sakura…next time you cry, don't hesitate to call. I don't know why but something inside of me triggers when you cry."

She slightly smiled and suddenly a gust of rose petals blew their direction and as they smoothly descended to the ground, the couple looked at each other meaningfully none aware of what was happening.

Suddenly he blinked then half-turned "The bus is coming."

……………………

Last period, Literature; book—Romeo and Juliet.

"Romeo and Juliet, a tragic tale of two star crossed lovers. Was it really true love or mere infatuation? Could their tragic ending have been avoided?" Mrs. Kamiya said looking at her students endearingly.

Tomoyo quickly raised her hand and Mrs. Kamiya nodded with a smile "I believe it was mere infatuation, Romeo was impulsive. He wore his heart on his sleeve. I think after everything, no matter what happened, it would have ended in tragedy."

Mrs. Kamiya agreed with a smile then shifted her gaze to her personal favorite student.

"Sakura, do you have anything to say about that?"

Sakura shrugged.

"That's strange, you always have an answer."

Her gaze shifted to the back of the class, a few of the boys were chatting but one particular one caught her eye. He was quiet and appeared caught up in his own thoughts.

"Syaoran." She said his name and the boy nearly jumped out of his seat.

"Uh…yeah?" he scratched the back of his head.

"Have you ever been in love and what's you're opinion on the play."

A tinge of blush crept across his cheeks, his eyes settled on the girl in front of the class who was now looking back at him.

He swallowed hard and pretended to loosen his tie.

"Come on Mr. Li, It's no rocket science." She told him.

"Uh…I…" he hesitated, how much he hated being in the spotlight "I don't know; I don't know If I've been in love." He uttered in a low tone.

Mrs. Kamiya appeared amused "Will you elaborate on that."

He saw Sakura smile at him "It's easy to confuse the two—love and infatuation. I think infatuation fades but love…love never fades away."

Sakura's jaw dropped in an instant, 'when did he become Mr. Sensitive?' she thought still looking at him.

Mrs. Kamiya smiled; one would think she was besotted with the young man. "And your opinion on the play."

He looked at Mrs. Kamiya then at Sakura "I think two people who feel like they need to be together shouldn't be forced to stay away from each other just because the world is scared to understand their relationship…" he was no longer talking about Rome and Juliet, he was talking from his heart "In conclusion I thought it was…" A boyish grin touched his smooth lips "Bullshit."

Mrs. Kamiya kept smiling at him as though she was unaware of his indecent language.

Sakura wanted to stand up and give him a round of applause but she kept herself anchored to her seat and simply smiled at him—that made him blush.

The school bell rang and unlike the other students rushing to get home, Sakura remained on her seat. At that moment she knew what she had to do, for the first time she was going to put her happiness first.

She smiled to herself as a vivid picture of Syaoran crossed her mind. She had it all planned in her head. She would give him the birthday gift she got for him and maybe ask him out. She knew where he would be, at a corner behind the school smoking a cigarette despite being aware that he had detention—again.

She approached him with her hands behind her back and her head in the clouds. He sat under a shadow on a bench…by himself.

He looked up at her "Oh, it's you."

Sakura let it slide, that was just his strange way of being nice. "What you said in literature today was impressive." She told him trying to flirt.

He dragged on his cigarette then looked at her from the corner of his eye "Do you remember what I said this morning."

She nodded crouching to his level. She wanted to get a better view of his face.

"I told you Sakura, you can't just keep coming to me when you think no one is looking. It's not right."

Her glowing eyes suddenly turned dim "I'm alright with us hanging out."

"Only when your friends are not looking." He reminded her.

She slowly stood up "Why do I get the feeling you don't want me around."

He sighed "I don't." he paused then looked at her shattered face "It was nice of you to attend my party and don't get me wrong you started to grow on me."

She looked down and muttered "I should have seen this coming." She tossed a box that was neatly wrapped in shiny blue gift wrapper.

He caught it and looked at her "What's this?"

She shrugged but said nothing.

He quickly got rid of his cigarette. He swallowed hard and swiftly opened it. In the middle of the box was a friendship bracelet. It was made from wool and had a combination of two different shades of dark green and three beads in the middle.

"I know it's cheap but I don't get my allowance till next week." She started immediately catching his vision.

He felt guilty "Saku…"

"I have one just like it." She interrupted him afraid that he would reject her again "My grandmother gave it to me, she loved making friendship bracelets. I somehow got into it."

There was nothing he could say; all he could do was stare and listen.

"I know you get lonely, like I do. I see it in your eyes. When I'm lonely I look at my bracelet and I don't feel so bad. It reminds me that someone cares about me. I just thought this would do the same for you. Remind you that I care about you."

His eyebrows shot up, he was never good with words or emotions. Sakura was nothing like him, she was outspoken and she was not afraid to show affection. He was now in what he always thought of as _forbidden territory_.

"I don't know what to say." He confessed. He could not deny it, he was touched.

"I promise I'll leave you alone." She nodded and quickly walked away.

……………………..

**A/N: Talk about mixed signals -.-! You know the drill, review if you can. I'm really enjoying writing this now. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter**.

**BTW: Song by Lifehouse, 'you and me'**


	7. Get A Clue

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 7

**Get a Clue**

He had been staring at it for nearly five minutes. It was not the kind of gift he was used to but it was the most meaningful one he had ever been given. He placed it between his fingers and thought hard of all the things she said. He did not mean any of the things he said to her and he knew that he was being a complete idiot. He was afraid that their friendship would develop into something more and he would have to care about someone other than himself. It was nothing more than a selfish decision.

He stretched his hands and put the bracelet in his pocket. There was no way he could live with himself if he threw it away. He knew he would see her early the next morning at the bus stop but there was no telling what she was going to do when they were in each others presence.

The sun rose with dazzling beauty, he wore a haggard and mournful look as he approached the bus stop. He walked past two roles of houses with their fenced stoops and verandas. The wind blew sharply against his hair strengthening the anxiety he was experiencing.

She stood poised next to the bus stop sign with her hands firmly across her chest. Her brown leather satchel hanged from her shoulders to her thighs. Her uniform was neat—as usual. He took in the image of her and like the coward he was, he turned his face away and pretended not to notice her.

She too had it all planned, she was going to stand still and say nothing. Her palms were itchy and she did not know how long she would be able to hold the position she was standing. Her eyes were fixed on the road and his eyes wandered everywhere except for where she was. A few other students joined then and Sakura did not flinch until a certain teenage boy tapped her on the shoulder.

"When will the bus be here?"

Sakura turned around, a boy who looked around her age with get black hair and striking hazel eyes looked at her.

"Uh…" Sakura averted her gaze to him "In five minutes."

"Good." The boy said in a rather croaky tone "I'm Shin, I'm new here."

"Sakura."

In less than five minutes, Shin told Sakura the story of his life. Sakura pretended to be interested and giggled in between just to capture Syaorans' attention.

"Oh Shin, you're so funny!" she said in a pitchy tone.

Syaoran looked at her from the corner of his eye and sighed. If he didn't know any better, he'd think Sakura was trying to make him jealous. When the bus finally arrived, Shin and Sakura were the first ones in, Syaoran was behind them. Shin had his had on Sakura's back then gently it glided further down.

Syaoran's jaw tightened "Dude that's not cool." It came out, why did he say that?

Shin turned around and looked at Syaoran. He immediately turned his gaze to Sakura again withdrawing his naughty hand "Do you know this guy?"

Sakura shrugged "Uh, never seen him in my life." Her statement held volumes of meaning. Her big emerald eyes shone out at him with a half laughter, half disdain look of accomplishment.

Syaoran rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh, Sakura was one crazy girl. She went through such lengths to get his attention making an absolute fool of herself, he thought, with a complete stranger for that matter. Then again, who was he kidding' it worked and he was ready to ask her for forgiveness.

The rest of the week was nothing he thought it would be. He tried to talk to her every single day but she always made sure she was around groups of people. She never said anything to him when they walked past each other in the hallway. She refused to look into his eyes and she kept a safe distance from him. It was driving him crazy; the only thing that gave him hope was the friendship bracelet she gave him. He realized that he was lonely, that was why he stared at it so much.

On Friday morning, the History class had taken an educational fieldtrip to the museum. Syaoran stood behind the crowd while Sakura was in front of the crowd getting in touch with the _'little miss. Suck-up'_ side of her personality. How he dreaded fieldtrips, this time his mother made him go—for the first time she was able to make him do something.

They spent the whole morning looking at paintings and sculptures and in the afternoon they were allowed to go buy snacks from the shops and vending machines outside the museum. Sakura and her friends stood in front of a vending machine laughing and talking. They did not take notice of the amount of noise they were making.

"Saku, do you have extra cash?" Naoko asked looking at a packet of chips in the vending machine.

"You're always broke; I thought you got your allowance just the other day." Tomoyo asked.

"I don't just wake up looking like this. It takes skill, patience and lots of money." She poised gracefully.

The other girls broke into laughter, they knew that Naoko was joking, she used all of her money on pizza just so she can see a pizza delivery boy she had a crush on for more than a year.

Sakura borrowed Naoko the money. While the other girls rushed to sit on the benches in the garden, Sakura was still at the vending machine. The packet of sweets she had purchased was stuck. She looked at it awfully disappointed when an arm reached out from behind her head and roughly hit the machine. Her packet of sweets was dispensed and she was pleased about that but when she turned around, she was not as thrilled.

"Hi." He told her in a slow withdrawn tone.

She barely smiled, she was ready to ignore him and quickly walk past him when he closed his hand over her wrist.

"I need to talk to you."

She stood still as he moved in front of her and slowly loosened the grip he had on her hand. "What do you want?" she asked.

He looked uncertain, as though what he was going to say next was bound to kill him "I see you're back to you're _original_ self."

She sighed, after a whole week of not talking to each other that was the best he could do. She tried to move but he once again tightened the grip he had on her wrist.

"I never changed to begin with." She muttered angrily.

"I want to talk to you" he said leaning towards her face.

She accidentally looked into his tender eyes then swiftly turned her head away. "All you wanted was for me to leave you alone. I'm just doing what you asked me to do."

"You know how I'm like; I tend to say things." He paused and swallowed "I wish I could bring back Monday 'cause I know how I feel about you now."

She averted her face back to him, he released her hand and she said "And how do you feel about me?" once again she was trapped in his eyes and hypnotized by his lips. His lips would do wonders against hers.

"I feel like you are…trying too hard to get my attention. You and your silly little friends make one hell of a noise when I'm around and I saw what you did on Tuesday; flirting with Yukio Shikibu just because I was there. On Monday I should have told you to stop being such an attention seeker" Syaoran blurted then immediately thought _'Oops'_ after that. His face was pinched and tight with the fretfulness he was causing himself.

Sakura's blood boiled in her veins, she frowned and said "You are so pathetic." She walked past him.

Syaoran purposely hit himself hard on the head, she was right he was pathetic. He was having trouble being nice to her and he didn't understand why. He wasn't going to give up so easily. He was going to keep trying until the right words found him.

……………….

Monday afternoon he sat in the yard smoking a cigarette. Anthony approached him and looked disappointingly at him.

"You know, at the rate you're going, she'll probably give up on you. What are you, nuts? She only lives a few blocks from here. Be creative."

Syaoran shrugged "She won't talk to me. I don't blame her, besides her dumb brother will kick my ass if I go anywhere near her." He was able to maintain his cool.

"I can't believe you just said that! If you really like this girl, getting your ass kicked by her brother just for a few minutes with her has to be worth it."

Syaoran shrugged "She hates me."

Anthony shook his head worriedly "That's what women want you to think when they really want you to make a move. Yelan pretends to be mad at me when all she wants is a massage and I…"

"Stop right there." Syaoran interrupted "You're grossing me out."

Anthony wasn't much help; it was up to him if things were going to change with Sakura. He saw her a few times; he saw her at the supermarket, at the park and even right across the street from his house riding a red bicycle. He was too shy to approach her.

Finally an idea stroke him, he would leave a box of chocolate on her doorstep and a message to go along with it. It all seemed easy in his mind but when it came to writing the message, he was like a cat trying to bark.

'_Dear __Wassup Sakura, I've been __thinking__ missing you…I spend ever waking hour thinking of what to tell you. I'm not __fucking__ good with words so please __give me another__ spare me if this letter is shit. I must confess I messed up and maybe...I've never cared about hurting __the peo__ anyone until you…Life's a bitch, we can totally make it better if we hook up._

He quickly squashed the letter in his hands and tossed it in the bin—it wasn't good enough so he tried his luck with poetry but failed at that too. He then searched on the internet for something meaningful to tell her. Just when he thought he was ready, he found himself unable to come near her house. He spent the whole afternoon riding his skateboard past her house.

…………………….

On Tuesday afternoon he had detention, this time it was for falling asleep in class and chewing after being told more than once not to. Since the detention room was being used for a teachers' conference, all detainees had to help sweep and pack the equipment in the gym until four o'clock. Syaoran and another boy who constantly got in trouble, made their way to the gym a few minutes after the bell rang.

Syaoran stopped in his tracks when he saw the cheerleaders practicing. Cheerleaders only meant one thing, she would be there too.

"Are you coming?" the boy asked the startled Syaoran.

Syaoran gulped and nodded hard. He and the boy sat on the benches as they waited for a teacher to come and give them instructions.

Suddenly he saw her, she looked amazing—as usual, in a pair of tight blue shorts and a white polo shirt with the school emblem on the side pocket. She had the customary crowd around her.

The girls started to walk his direction; he sat still and kept his eyes away from them.

"Excuse me." Chiharu said pointing her eyes at him "Do you mind getting out of here, we want to practice."

"Detention is here." The boy answered for Syaoran.

Chiharu sighed and looked at the other girls "This is not fair, how are we supposed to concentrate with him in here. I'm going to the principles office"

Syaoran looked at Sakura to see the look on her face, she was unfazed. The other girls scattered across the gym while Sakura remained in the same position, she stared at him then slowly walked away.

The principle did nothing to help the cheerleaders; Syaoran was relieved because now he could stare at Sakura all he wanted.

When the cheerleaders started practice, the boys started to move the gym equipment. After half an hour, Syaoran stood at one corner with a broom in his hands. He watched the cheerleading squad; Sakura was in control. She came up with every move and taught it to the other girls. He was more than impressed.

"Sakura that is the best routine ever!" one of girls told her on their way out.

Sakura smiled then averted to Syaoran. Everyone had disappeared from the room apart from the two of them.

"How do you do all that?" he asked "I mean I always thought that cheerleading was dumb but that was insane."

She tapped her foot on the floor and pondered whether she should speak to him or walk away.

"I used to do gymnastics." She spoke.

He nodded and allowed a strong silence to settle between them. She then waved her hand and ran out saying "My brother must be here."

…………………………

Friday had to be his day; he had a strong feeling that it would be the day Sakura would find out what was in his heart. He was ready to tear his heart out of his chest and give it to her. There was no better time to let loose than that afternoon.

The sky was streaky and grey; it had become grubbier with every minute. The air felt as though you were being stuffed under a cold blanket and the leaves danced with the wind.

They took the same bus but only approached each other when they reached their destination.

"How was the Science test?" he asked her trying to be untailored.

She was walking next to him and was surprised that he spoke to her. He spoke to her with kindness and patience.

"It was the best one yet." She told him looking ahead. "What about you, how was it?"

"Best one yet" he replied coyly with a boyish grin on his face. "What have you been up to lately?"

She turned her gaze to him then back ahead "I'm looking for a part time job. I want to start saving up for a car and you know the usual—studying, movies, the mall."

"How do you do it, do you ever have time for yourself?"

She shook her head "Honestly, I don't want time for myself."

They walked a few blocks at the same pace having something they never had in a while, a normal conversation. They were enjoying it so much that they decided to take the long way home by walking through the park.

"What made you decide to talk to me?" he asked as they strolled across the playground.

"I don't know."

She stopped walking and turned to look at him. He stopped walking too.

"Why are you trying to confuse me? One minute you hate me and the next you don't then you're nice to me and other times you are so mean. I don't understand you."

He shrugged "I don't understand myself either."

She started to walk again "You know, I wish you didn't do that. Act all mysterious, it's damn irritating. You're lucky I'm the forgiving type."

"What? You're acting like I needed your forgiveness to be content."

"Well do you?" she asked stopping in her tracks.

"The hell I don't. You know what your problem is? You are just too full of yourself. You think the world revolves around you. This was a mistake."

She started to walk fast and he tried to catch up with her "Of course it was a mistake." She grunted.

"I am better off without you." He told her as they made their way to the soccer field.

"Me too!" she spoke louder.

The field was grassy and smooth; it began to drizzle, a scatter of small raindrops came first, and then a thick almost horizontal wall of grey. Of course they were not aware of all this, they were too busy quarrelling to notice the change.

"We should give up while we still can and go our separate ways."

She nodded agreeably as she gradually slowed down "Yeah, I mean what's the use. It's not like I like you or anything and besides, I have tons of friends—I don't need your friendship."

He moved at the same pace "Even if this went past friendship it would be a total disaster."

She stopped walking and so did he. They were facing each other only a short distance apart.

"We are complete opposites; it's bound to end in tragedy." She said in a gentle tone.

"And besides I'm fine without you." He murmured.

"So am I…"

She took a step closer to him and he took a step close to her. He leaned his face over hers and said in a half whisper "You'll only make my life miserable."

"Mine too…" she whispered.

They looked into each others eyes as though they were trying to exchange eye color telepathically. There existed between them a sort of telepathy which made further words unnecessary.

He caressed her smooth cheek with the tip of his fingers. Her breathing was at the same rate as his. Slowly their eyes closed, he felt like he was sinking—it was a startling feeling.

"This is how much I hate you…"

He whispered before gently brushing his lips against hers. She felt her heart ascend and she thought she was going to cry because of the joy she was experiencing. He slowly broke the kiss then looked into her eyes again. She shuddered at his touch and just like she anticipated his lips did marvelous wonders against hers. It was not the falling of the temperature that was making her bones run cold and giving her goosebumps, it was all him. She knew she would never feel anything like it—her first kiss

Her hands somehow found their way to his. He clasped his smooth fingers between her soft ones and she averted her gaze to witness the affair that was happening between their hands. She saw the friendship bracelet she gave him around his wrist.

"You're wearing it." She said still looking at it.

"I've worn it everyday since you gave it to be." He shyly looked at her as though he was meeting her for the first time and his cheeks turned crimson.

She gazed at him.

"I wasn't sure if you still cared…" the color rose up in his face.

"I still do." She murmured with a smile.

He picked her up and held her tight against him. She hung in his arms with her feet dangling off the ground. She gave him her lips and they shared another magical kiss. They locked themselves in a state where they did not feel the raindrops falling on them.

"This doesn't mean I'm not mad at you anymore." She said in his lips.

…………………

**Liki or no liki? Reviews plz… oh and thanks thanks thank you for the last reviews. Ccya. **


	8. I've never

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 8

**I've never….**

Their cheeks brushed and he looked solemnly into the lush of green in her eyes. The rain was still pouring; their hearts were still rushing with the desire not to end an unforgettable moment. They feared the worst, reality would set in and it would all be a pleasant dream. They were afraid that they would never experience a moment like that again; they did not want it to end so soon.

He held her wet face in his hands as water slid to the tip of her chin. His hands ran over her ears through her damp hair. She could feel his warm breath gently on her face. He held her as though he was trying hard to understand her anatomy.

"I don't want to go home." She whispered tightening the grip she had around his torso.

Despite the loud sound of thunder, he heard every word she said. He didn't know how he was ever going to cope with her. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted any other girl but in his mind he doubted if she would be able to accept him. She was full of life and she found it easy to display her feelings to him. When she'd walk into a room everyone would stare. It was like she was covered in Christmas lights. She dazzled people but that was so they would not notice her imperfections. She was stubborn, indecisive, impatient and a perfectionist in her own right. To Syaoran, she was only perfect in her imperfection.

He was like a dead leaf, worn down and forgotten. He poorly expressed his emotions and was apathetic about everything…until now.

She noticed that he did not say much since the kiss. She tried to look into his eyes but his bangs covered them so well. She concluded that he did not want her to look.

"I'm sorry." She flushed coyly "I've never…I've never kissed a boy."

He slightly shook his head "Sorry?" his voice was soft.

She nodded "I must be terrible at this."

He slowly withdrew his hands from her head "No; you are amazing."

She wished he said more, she loved the sound of his voice. He averted his gaze and looked up at the sky. Raindrops fell in his eyes; he blinked then looked at her.

"I've never…" he swallowed hard "…had anything like this."

"Like what?"

He held her hand "I think we better get out of the rain."

She nodded absently; she was still thinking of what he wanted to tell her. He led her under a giant oak tree not ever letting her hand go.

"You've never had what?" she was persistent.

He wiped the water from his face "I've never felt this way about anyone."

Sakura slowly smiled. She could tell that it was hard for him to say. He was not used to displaying his emotions. What she was feeling for him was as much of an adventure as what he was feeling for her. She thought he looked cute; his cheeks were crimson and he was nervous.

She wrapped her hands around his neck and they kissed all over again.

……………..

When Sakura reached home, she left a track of wet footprints on the floor. The second Touya saw them; he shook his head and sighed. He followed the tracks and just as he anticipated they led him to his little sister. She had her head stuck in the refrigerator. Her clothes were soggy leaving puddles on the kitchen floor.

Touya looked at the clock above the fridge then cleared his throat purposely "What do you think you're doing?"

Sakura slowly turned around. Her mouth was stuffed with the last piece of chocolate cake he was looking forward to eating after dinner.

She looked at him innocent and guilty at the same time "Relax; I'll mop it." She swallowed the food "I'm starving"

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

She shrugged turning around to pull out a bottle of soda from the fridge.

"Six o'clock Sakura, six o'clock." He frowned.

Sakura, as though not listening, took a glass from the counter and poured the soda into it.

"I was with Tomoyo." She took a sip of the soda "Exams are in two months you know, we have to study."

Touya felt useless, he was trying to protect her. Since she moved in, he thought, she was rude, uncooperative and she did not respect his motives. She was no longer the person he thought he knew.

She finished her drink, wiped her mouth and rushed to her room. As she took off her wet clothes she thought of Syaoran. What a great kisser he was, romantic too…in his own way. He was like a drug; one could easily get addicted. She tossed herself on the bed still in her bra and underwear. She wasn't ready to go take a shower or dry up. She wanted to lay aimlessly on her bed and think of being with Syaoran.

She hugged her pillow then suddenly giggled.

"Sakura! Sakura!" Touya knocked hard on her door "Will you hurry up, you're cooking tonight, remember?"

Sakura sighed then finally got out of bed and dressed.

Touya was astounded by Sakura's behavior as it progressed during the rest of the weekend. She was singing in bathroom, in the kitchen, in her room even during meals. She had a dreamy look on her face

"Focus Sakura! Focus, you're going to burn the whole house." He told her Saturday night after she nearly set the kitchen on fire.

He did all he could to keep her grounded. He gave her more chores, made her do the shopping and found her a part time job at a fast food restaurant.

"Can I go out now?" Sakura asked Sunday evening.

Touya sighed "The sun is setting Sakura, where do you want to go?"

"Out." She said heading for the door.

"Do you want to borrow my car?" he asked her kindly.

"Nope, I'm only taking a walk."

……………….

She nervously rang the doorbell then looked at the popsicles she bought from the ice-cream truck on her way there. Her cheeks had a tinge of red when Syaoran's mother opened the door.

Sakura smiled and slightly rocked back "Is…Syaoran home?"

Yelan was puzzled; she folded her arms across her chest and slightly shook her head "Didn't your brother tell you not to come here again?"

Sakura nervously laughed "Uh, he might have mentioned it." She said lightly.

"Does he know you're here?"

The smile on her face faded as she shook her head knowingly "No; I haven't seen Syaoran since Friday and…" she paused "You won't tell my brother, will you?"

Yelan smiled at her; she adored Sakura only because she reminded her of herself. "Come in, he's in his room."

Sakura looked around to make sure no one was watching her before quickly walking in. She walked up to Syaorans' bedroom and gently knocked on the door "Syao?"

She slightly opened the door and peeked in "Syao?" she said smoothly. He was not there but his windows were wide open.

"Up here." She heard his voice.

She slowly walked in following his voice. She stuck her head out of the window, looked down then up. He was sitting on roof in black trousers, converse and a black hooded jumper. He looked down at her and smirked.

"Where have you been all weekend? I haven't seen you around."

She put the popsicles in the back pocket of her denim shorts while praying they won't fall. She climbed out the window and climbed up to the roof using the drainage pipe. He watched her amazed. She stood next to him, took the popsicles out from her pocket.

"Wild berry or strawberry." She carefully settled next to him.

He scrutinized her with his eyes. He took note of the shorts she was wearing which complimented her beautiful long legs.

"Wild berry." He replied.

She shifted closer to him resting her head upon his shoulder. He pulled her closer and snaked his hands around her waist.

"My brother has been killing me with chores and I got a part time job. I think he's doing it on purpose." She unwrapped her popsicle.

"What would he do if he knew you were here?"

Sakura shrugged "I don't know and I really don't care."

He tried to secretly smell her hair but she noticed.

"You sound like someone I know."

She snuggled closer to him, it was no help eating popsicles or wearing shorts when the weather was so cold. She just needed an excuse to be closer to him.

"I love it up here."

"You can see everything, including those losers we call neighbors. I didn't think it possible but they know way too much about me. People should learn to mind their own business."

Sakura nodded agreeably.

"I think it's strange that they are the way they are. I mean, I'm used to being judged and…"

"No one can get used to being judged." She told him "I wish we could trade places, I envy the fact that you can express yourself freely, you can make mistakes and grow up from them. I'm not allowed to make mistakes. How am I ever going to know who I am if I'm not allowed to make my own choices? Being with you is the only choice I've ever made on my own."

"Sakura, sometimes mistakes can haunt you. It's best to avoid them. I've made too many to get back on my feet again."

She withdrew her head and looked into his face "Does it have to do with your old school?"

He said nothing; she started to feel like she was moving too fast, he probably wasn't ready to talk about his past with her.

He nodded, he finally unwrapped his popsicle. "I've heard people who don't even know me talk about it. I'll always be labeled." He was unable to hold the sentence, his voice cracked right at the end.

She wrapped her hands around his arm and held him close "You're not a bad person; I don't care what anyone says."

He could feel the void in his heart slowly being filled. Everyone always thought the worst of him but she thought of him as the person he wanted to be not the person he used to be.

"Let's go out, tomorrow night." He said suddenly in a light tone.

She pondered; the next day was Monday, a school night for that matter. Her brother would never let her go out on a school night. Then again she would have to wait all the way till Friday to go out with him. It would be torturous and she wouldn't be able to go through with it. She looked at him then gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Sure, I'd love to."

They averted their gazes and watched the sun set.

…………………………

"I can't believe you called me all the way here just so I can help you lie to your brother." Tomoyo complained sitting on Sakuras' bed.

Sakura clasped her hands beneath her chin "Please."

"All of this for that guy? I can't believe you Sakura."

"It's only a little favor." Sakura sat on the edge of the bed and blushed "On Friday, he gave me my first kiss. I really like him Tomoyo, if you knew him you would see how special he is."

Tomoyo's raven eyes widened instantly "You kissed him?"

Sakura nodded happily "We've only done it twice but it was magical; like in the movies. He was like 'this is how much I hate you.' Then he kissed me." Her eyes glistened.

"He said he hates you then kissed you. I don't get it."

Sakura stood up and sighed "Never mind."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Well, I'll wear a cute outfit under a coat; put my stilettos in my bag. We will tell Touya that we are going to the library to study. I told Syaoran to pick me up from there."

Tomoyo put her hands over her face and shook her head "Oh man! I hate lying; we wouldn't have to do all this if you went out with a jock. You know, you've totally wrecked everything high school rules stand for. You barely know this guy. Maybe you should ask him about his past and see what he tells you before you get your hopes up high."

Sakura simply nodded.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Sakura walked over to her closet "Sorry."

………………

They managed to get past Touya; they made it to Tomoyo's car and drove to the library. They stood in front of the library. Tomoyo shivered and tapped her foot nervously.

"He's late." She told Sakura.

Sakura rubbed her hands against each other "Just a little."

Tomoyo rolled her eyes "He's half an hour late."

Suddenly, they saw a motorcycle, it screeched at a halt on the side of the road. Tomoyo and Sakura looked at each other.

Syaoran steadily took off his helmet, his chestnut locks blew with the wind. He parked the motorcycle and started his way to the startled girls.

"You are not riding that with him." Tomoyo grumbled as Syaoran approached them. She was not surprised that he owned a motorcycle; it was a 'must-have-item' for his **type**.

Sakura crocked her head "Yes, I am." She smiled.

He looked as Sakura first, her hair was glossy, her eyes glistened and her lip gloss shimmered.

"Hi." He said coyly, he didn't mean to be late. He had nothing to wear; most of his clothes were dirty. He made an effort to shave properly and comb his hair.

"Hi." She was just as shy.

He looked at Tomoyo who just smiled at him. He held Sakura's hand and walked her to his motorcycle. He tossed her a helmet. Sakura looked down at it then back at him.

"I've never done this before."

"It's easy, all you have to do is hold onto me as tight as possible." He gave her a naughty grin.

"What did you do to your hair?" she looked at him.

He blushed up to his ears "I combed it, well the wind slightly ruined it and…."

He paused when she ran her fingers through his hair and messed it up "There we go. That's the Syaoran I know."

He smiled at her his eyes lighting up like at the same time.

"I'm wearing a dress." She paused then added "Isn't your drivers' license suspended?"

He put his helmet on and fastened it "Don't worry about it. It won't be a problem, now will you relax. I'll take care of you I promise."

He helped her with her helmet, took off his biker jacket and gave it to her. The second she wrapped her hands around his waist, his heart started to beat fast.

"Don't let go." He told her smoothly.

…………….

He took her bowling, he tried his best to teach her how to bowl but she was a hopeless case. When they were ready to call it quits, she finally hit a pin. She threw her hands in the air then hugged him joyfully. After that they ate at a fast food restaurant where Sakura explained to him about a reoccurring dream.

"Well," she started to blush "In this dream, we are in your living room and I kiss you. You refuse to kiss me. It was quiet disturbing at first."

He laughed soda nearly spilling from his mouth. "That wasn't a dream." He announced "You did kiss me, once, but I did not kiss you back. You were drunk Sakura."

She chuckled, the sound of his laugh made her want to laugh along. She took a bite of her burger then looked up at him.

After the date he dropped her off at the library. She took off the helmet and gave it to him.

"I had fun." She told him as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Me too." He wanted to kiss her again. Her lips gazed at him with abundance, all he needed was to feel her gentle kiss all over again then he would be satisfied.

He got off his motorcycle and ambled close to her. "Will you leave me so unsatisfied?"

She had her hands behind her back and one of her legs started to do what one would refer to as "shy girly leg movements' . "We had so much fun, every minute was fantastic. What more can you ask for?"

He leaned his face over hers "I can think of one thing."

Sakura took a step back and shook her head like a naughty little girl. "Not so fast, I'm not going to kiss you tonight only because…"

"…you want me to spend a sleepless night thinking of what it could have felt like the third time. I swear to you Sakura, you're going to regret this. The next time I see you I won't let you go."

She blushed. She slightly averted her head and saw Tomoyo leaving the library. Quickly she gave Syaoran a peck on the cheek then hurried to catch up with her friend.

………………

Monday morning, he was more that ready to take back what was rightfully his; another tasteful kiss that sprung from Sakura's sinuous lips. He stood by his locker, and like a hungry animal waiting for its prey, he was alert and prepared. As she walked past him in the hallway, he was able to slip a note into her hands without anyone noticing. Part of the excitement of their relationship at that point was that it was partly an affair. No one wanted to see them together; they would immediately tear them apart if they did. Secrecy made the relationship exciting and dangerous at the same time.

Immediately after school, Sakura rushed to the janitors' closet where Syaoran told her to meet him. She opened the door quickly then slipped inside.

"Syaoran…" she whispered nervously. The room was dark; she could only see a shadow.

She felt him close his hand over her wrist. He pulled her closer to him.

"How are you." He greeted.

She could feel his arms enveloping around her waist. "Better now." She replied.

"You owe me something, remember. I couldn't stop thinking about it or you." Her lips remained virgin territory waiting to be exploited. His past experiences taught him things that would make an old woman blush. He was not surprised that Touya did not want Sakura near him; he had a dangerous mind…the mind of a teenage boy.

She gave her lips to him and they shared their third, forth, and fifth kiss after that. Sakura only backed away when she felt his tongue massage hers. The second her lips parted he took it as an invitation to get closer.

She was breathing fast as though she ran out of air during the marathon.

"What's wrong?" his warm breath tickled on her face.

She pulled him closer "Nothing, I never thought it would feel like that."

"Like what?"

"So good." Her lips parted once more and this time they were able to complete the marathon.

It took sometime before they broke the kiss for good; he turned on the light and looked at his wrist watch. He purposely hit himself on the head.

"Oh shit, detention is almost over."

Sakura's eyes widened and she clamped her hand over her mouth "I missed cheerleading practice!"

Sakura fixed her uniform; she waved at Syaoran then hurried to the soccer field where cheerleading practice was drawing to an end.

She caught Chiharu leading the team; the second Chiharu called out her name all eyes were on her. Sakura walked to Chiharu, feeling too embarrassed to look at the squad.

"Where the heck have you been?" Chiharu waved her hands angrily.

Sakura swallowed hard "I was helping one of the teachers and I guess it just slipped my mind."

Chiharu made a face, she wrinkled her nose and her eyebrows descended "You never forget practice." She said calmly.

"I know, it will be the last time."

But it wasn't the last time, due to the same reason; Sakura skipped practice for a whole week. Two days she never even showed up. Her reasons soon became transparent lies. Chiharu was more than determined to get to the truth.

The next week started out as a complete nightmare. Sakura woke up very late on a Monday morning. She had been up all night talking to Syaoran on the phone. When she finally made it to school, after waiting half an hour for the bus, her classmates were already in second period.

She got her first detention for being late and soon learnt her grades were falling.

After school, she entered an empty class where detention was to be held. Sitting on one of the desk was Syaoran; he looked calm and had a smirk on his lips.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her puzzled. His eyes were delighted to see her.

"I woke up late so I was late for class."

He stood up "So did I; in the end I decided to bunk all morning lessons." He sounded proud of himself.

Sakura looked down then her head shot up "Right…" she said dramatically. He could sense the anger in her tone.

He held her hand and moved closer to her. He gently caressed her cheek.

"What's the matter Sakura? It's only detention."

It was more than 'detention' to her, how dare he refer to it as 'only detention'. It was her downfall. She felt defeated. The good girl reputation she worked all her life to maintain—tarnished.

She heard footsteps in the hallway and immediately she moved away from Syaoran almost as quickly as he moved away from her.

Chiharu stood by the door and peered into the room. "Sakura, you're in detention?"

Sakura nodded "I came late; I was studying all night so I woke up late."

Chiharu's gaze drifted to Syaoran then she frowned "Okay, that's too bad. I must be dreaming, I never thought I'd live to see the day."

…………………

After detention, Syaoran and Sakura left together. They started their way to the bus stop when Syaoran decided to find out why she was so frustrated.

"It's only one detention Sakura, it's probably you're last one too." He told her.

She wished he'd stopped using the word "only".

"I get detention all the time. They haven't kicked me out or anything."

She strolled next to him "You and I are not alike. You might come out of the detention room all smiles but this is hard for me. I no longer have a clean record."

"Remember what you said about mistakes? You can only learn from them right?"

She reluctantly nodded "It's not just that. This morning Tomoyo told me that they might remove me as head cheerleader. I love cheerleading so much and most of all I love being the head cheerleader."

He looked at her downcast. He couldn't help but feel like it was his entire fault.

"My grades are slipping." She started to sulk. "At the rate I'm going, I'm going to loose everything I worked so hard for."

He stopped walking and so did she. He grabbed her shoulders and faintly shook her. He had a smile lodged on his face.

"You can get your grades up again; you're a smart girl. You're a much better cheerleader than those other girls and…"

"No, it's easy for you to say. You don't need to study so hard to keep your grades up. I do. It's not just cheerleading it's…popularity."

"Sakura." He slowly released her shoulders "I really want this thing to work between us. I like the idea of having you as my girlfriend. Eventually the world is going to know about us and you might not be so popular after that. Tell me, am I a risk worth taking?"

She looked at him her captivating eyes filled with remorse. He was no good for her, her mind told her. They had only been together for 11 days and already she was on the verge of loosing the image of perfection she held so well. She found herself constantly telling lies and not feeling terrible about it.

She looked into his eyes to remind herself why she was so infatuated with him. She saw her image in his eyes. She thrived on popularity; it was hard to confess. At home she never got attention from her Father. She always felt invincible to him. School was the only place where she felt wanted, noticed and acclaimed.

Then again, something was different now; she had Syaoran who took every opportunity to embrace her. He knew her better than anyone else and he accepted her for her rarely seen imperfections. He made her feel safe and truly happy. Days of crying herself to sleep were over because of him.

She bit her bottom lip "I want to be popular and I want you."

He tucked his hands in his pocket "You can't have both." He said in a serious tone.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

**A/N: R&R plz. Thanks for reading and all reviews. **


	9. Away from the world and back

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 9

**Away from the world and back**

He tucked his hands in his pocket "You can't have both." He said in a somber tone.

It sounded cruel; he wasn't even sure how close it was to the truth. All he knew was that people from school did not like him. He did not want popularity nor did he want Sakura to want it. He couldn't change what she felt; he thought that popularity was her way of hiding from the world. So what if **they** didn't praise her, they would have each other and she wouldn't have to pretend right?

Sakura gave him a long pensive stare. Her soft emerald eyes melted his solid expression, he looked down shamefully.

"You don't know that." She spoke after awhile.

His head shot up, his eyebrows jerked continuously "I do…they love you but hate me, they all do. I can see it in their eyes. Damn it Sakura, I don't need to explain this to you." He muttered tightly "I know how these things work."

Sakura moved closer to him "I don't understand."

"I know what it's like to be loved by everyone. I know how addictive it can be. I don't ever want that again. Why can't we just move on with our lives? When are you going to learn that not everything has to be perfect?"

"I don't know." She muttered unsteadily.

He turned aside for a second and when he looked at her again tears were streaming from her eyes. His heart jumped and automatically he held her hand.

"Don't cry Sakura, please." He begged.

She mopped away the tears but more came back.

"I'm sorry." He put his arms around her and held her to the point where there was not a space between them "I'm sorry for making you cry, I' won't do it again."

Sakura didn't understand; she could feel his heart beating fast as she leaned her ear on his chest. So this is him, she thought; the boy behind those intense amber eyes.

Syaoran felt naked, he overexposed himself, and she wasn't supposed to see that. How could he hide it when it hurt so much to see her cry? He fell in love with her the first time he saw her cry. The look on her face made him feel like he was hit by a tidal wave yet gently pulled into heaven.

She looked at him "I'm not crying because I'm hurt, I'm crying because you're right. It's not often that someone spills the truth in my face. I do want things to be perfect…I know they aren't. Everything is wrong Syaoran….it's always been wrong." She pulled a straight face though her eyes twinkled like stars.

"Like what?"

She shook her head and muttered "I'm not ready to talk about it."

He couldn't complain for he too had secretes he was not ready to tell her. Right now they were even. If one would look at it objectively they would simply conclude that the couple did not trust each other. It had nothing to do with trust, but honor. Time would eventually allow them to purify themselves.

He chuckled "You're such a crybaby."

She managed a weak smile then she playfully punched him on the chest. Though it was painful, Syaoran composed a boyish grin and simply laughed it off.

…………………….

It was a month like no other, two months and two weeks was an awfully long time to keep a secret. Autumn was nearly over, a mellow softness appeared over the city, and the influence of the change in season seemed to imitate the personal change she was undergoing in terms of relationships.

"You've changed Sakura." Chiharu was the first to point it out.

Sakura did not understand the meaning of it. It was easy to trace where Chiharu's statement was really coming from. Sakura did not spend as much time with her friends as she once used to. She didn't do it intentionally, she found herself constantly indulged in other things like her part time job, she was studying for exams and she had chores.

When it came to her boyfriend, the night belonged to them. The day belonged to mischievous glances and gossips. The night was tranquil and slow. The only thing that raced for self control was the beat of their hearts. It presented itself as a better time for them to see each other.

Several nights Sakura would sneak out of the house and tap on his bedroom window. Sometimes they talked about silly things, sometimes it was serious and other times they would embrace each other without having to say anything. She would lay on his bed with him and grasp unto him tightly. Some nights they would sit in his yard and talk at the pool side. Fridays were the best; they went out every Friday night.

One Friday afternoon saw them break away from that routine. Sakura leaned against the bus post and sighed. Now that the days were shorter, Touya became what can only be described as paranoid. He made sure he knew where she was and who she was with.

"We should go somewhere, right now. School is out and we have the whole afternoon to ourselves." She looked at Syaoran from the corner of her eye.

"Where do you want to go?" He averted and looked at her.

"Well, let's see." Sakura stared for inspiration as the cars full of laughing kids roared off, tires screeching, horns blaring.

She turned around her face brightening up "Instead of going home, lets go the market."

He thought for a while then rubbed his chin "The market?"

She smiled "I'm certain you haven't been to the market in Japan. It has everything from the best Japanese dishes to fake designer clothes." She giggled.

He still looked unsure so she walked over to him and held his hands. She swung them playfully.

"Haven't you been to a market?"

"Not since I was a little boy."

She found it all amusing "It will be fun; we can buy all sorts of stuff."

"Sounds fun." He said dryly.

He was not used to that kind of atmosphere. It was compact, there were people everywhere, and people kept bumping into each other. Sakura keenly pulled his hands running towards everything that caught her attention. At first he watched her interact with the vendors, negotiating prices and asking questions. She bought all sorts of stupid things from a pink wig to a straw hat for him. As they went on, he managed to pull himself into her world. He couldn't believe how much fun he was having. He ate food that was not cooked by a professional chef and he loved it. He bought useless and cheap things, he felt liberated.

As the day drew to an end they stood at a humpbacked bridge and watched the clear water flow across the land. Sakura leaned her hands on the parapet and looked down eagerly.

"We should do this more." She said gently.

He nodded.

"Syao, I'm always wondering what it is like for you in Hong Kong. I'm sure this is a stretch. What is your house like? What do you do during the holidays?"

He shrugged "There is not much to say. The mansion is…big." He paused and stared blankly at her "We have a garden, tennis court, basketball court…" he paused again "I can go on forever. It was good for hide and seek though." He sniggered.

She smiled along with him.

"When I was young, it was so much fun. We used to travel all over the world. Mom was always home. We were a real family."

"While you were seeing the world, I was trying to convince my father that I should be a geisha."

"Geisha?" his eyebrow strategically rose.

She nodded, smiled then took a playful bow "Yes master, a geisha." She faked a British accent.

He watched her then thought of how she would look if she was. His face turned red "You would have made a great one. What happened?"

"I was seven when I wanted to do that. I just wanted an excuse to leave home. No one took me seriously; especially my father who said my grandmother influenced me."

He looked at her a ray of light suddenly shining though his eyes "Why don't you come with me, summer after high school is over—we can travel the world together just you and I."

"Huh?"

"You don't need to worry about air tickets; we can use my Dad's jet. It would be so much fun, we could go to Rome and Africa and…" he paused when he realized how quiet she was. She had a distant look on her face.

"I can't." She told him "Dad won't let me."

"We'll runaway together."

It sounded romantic, daring and something you'd only hear about in movies. She wanted to believe it, she couldn't. She smiled at him.

"We'll just have to wait and see."

………………….

They reached Sakura's house at five o'clock, she forced Syaoran to use her bedroom window instead of the front door just incase her brother was in. Fortunately he wasn't and Syaoran found himself standing alone in her bedroom waiting for her. He looked around cautiously. The atmosphere smelled of strawberries. It was colorful with picture frames, stuffed animals and two posters. A rarely visited thought crossed his mind, his cheeks turned red…suddenly the door slowly opened and Sakura walked in.

"He's not here. He's probably gone straight to the soccer game." She said. "We can study in peace."

He looked at her and nodded with a smirk. He noticed a blue envelope on her bedside table. When she wasn't looking, he withdrew it and asked.

"What's this?"

Sweat gathered on her face, her hands trembled. She ambled to him and snatched it, and then she smiled as though her behavior was normal.

"Nothing."

Syaoran looked at her suspiciously; it was obvious that the letter was something she did not want him to see.

"Do you mind turning away? I need to change out of my uniform; I got a huge stain on it."

Syaoran blushed heavily as he slowly turned away. He was tempted to look. His hands itched and his eyes didn't know how much longer they would control themselves. He slightly moved his head then tried to take a peek.

"I can see you." She said giggling after that.

Syaoran blushed further, now his mind was telling him that he needed more of her. It had been two months; it wasn't too early—according to him.

"Done." Sakura said.

He turned around. She was wearing a pair of cropped jeans and a white top. He stared at her for the longest time. She blushed.

Suddenly he grabbed her, pulled her into his arms and gave her a passionate kiss. He was good at it; he loved her reaction to his every move. As his kisses heated so did his desire to not just satisfy himself but to satisfy her. He wanted to take her to a place that did not yet exist for her.

She knew that they were further than they had ever been when she felt his lips on her neck. He was like a wild animal but why did she love it so much? She would die if he stopped. His hands traveled from her waist to her thigh then back up again.

He left kisses on her neck that made her squeal.

"Sakura, what color panties are you wearing." He mused with a saucy chuckle then kissing her further.

"Green." She muttered.

He looked at her for a short second "My favorite."

Soon she found herself below him on her bed, savoring his every touch. She could not catch her breath and she could not stop. His hand went up to her bellybutton then without her noticing, his hand slid to the button on her jeans. He unbuttoned it then unzipped the zip. Sakura was caught up in his kisses, suddenly it hit her. Immediately she pulled away.

"No…we can't." she heaved heavily under his body.

He looked at her the passion not lost from his eyes "Uh…" his mouth suddenly went dry.

"I've never done it before." She said slowly.

He stroked her hair "Don't worry, I'll teach you everything I know." Before he could dive in for a kiss Sakura turned her face away.

"Will it hurt?"

She inwardly wish she'd never let the question slip, she was not even expecting an answer. So many questions were going through her mind such as "Will I be disappointed?" "Will I bleed?" "Should I tell him to be gentle?" "Does he really know what he's doing?" "Should I tell him to stop and wait for marriage like I planned to?"

Syaoran sighed "I don't know." The question made him slightly nervous. "Are you afraid?"

She shook her head "No, go on."

He kissed her once more devouring the taste of lips and her silky skin. The smell of her perfume guided him further. His hands somehow found themselves under her shirt. Before they could move up with the intention of cupping her breast, she shuddered and broke the kiss. He withdrew his hand.

"Sorry." She apologized looking innocent. "Give me a second…"

"Don't worry; it will be good I promise." He hated the way he sounded, he didn't want to seem like he was pressuring her into doing it.

She looked into his eyes then gave him a watery smile "We can't do it without protection."

He nodded "It's in my bag."

She sighed, _he must have been expecting it_, she thought.

"What if my brother comes home?"

He squinted "It doesn't take that long…unless you" He paused and kept his eyes fixed on her. Why did he feel like he was being a jerk? He should have been a little more sensitive.

He could feel her body tremble, she looked scared and nervous all at once and he knew what to do next.

"Why do I get the feeling you don't want to do this?"

She swallowed hard; she was afraid to disappoint him "I do…"

"Sakura, we don't have to if you're not ready. I'll admit, I would be happy if we did but I'm much happier when you're happy."

"It's just that…" she paused and her cheeks turned crimson "…the thought of it freaks me out. Everyone is always saying that there are so many emotions involved and how bad you feel afterwards. It's like having someone else pick your nose…awkward."

Syaoran chortled "That's a strange way of putting it but I guess it makes sense."

There was silence for a short while. She caressed his cheek then smoothly ran her fingers through his hair. She stared at him adoringly then whispered.

"I haven't really thought about it. I want to do it for the right reasons. Not because of peer pressure or because of the fear of letting you down. I'm not ready right now. I hope you understand and you're not mad at me."

He shook his head gently "I could never be mad at you for something like that. You mean so much to me. I'm not expecting our relationship to be anything like my past ones."

It was the perfect answer; she could see that he was getting better at expressing his emotions.

Just when he was about to move away from her, the door opened. Both averted their heads to look at a startled Touya standing between the door frames. Syaoran immediately got off Sakura and rushed off the bed.

A terrifying image stared directly at him immediately dismissing Sakura in the process. Syaoran slowly picked his bag from the floor.

"I was just leaving." He told Touya in a casual tone.

His face was red; this was the worst thing that could happen. Touya's face was red too, red with anger.

"I'm going to kill you." His voice was deep; the earth seemed to shake with every syllable.

Sakura covered her ears "Will you calm down! I can explain, I swear it's not what it looks like." She understood how stupid she sounded; it was every thing it looked like. Her top was half way up and her fly was open. Her face turned crimson as she tried to fix her clothes without letting Touya notice.

Touya walked up to Syaoran, grabbed him by the collar and forced him roughly against Sakura's yellow wall. Syaoran's jaw tightened and he slowly turned his face aside. He did not want to see the rage in Touya's eyes.

"You horny little bastard."

"I didn't do anything." Syaoran muttered tightly. The grip Touya had around his neck cut his blood circulation.

Touya slowly let Syaoran go then suddenly throwing a punch in his face. In less that a second Syaoran felt a blow on his face. He felt blood running from his nose unto his lips. He heard Sakura yelling in the background.

Touya approached him once more punching him in the stomach. He found himself on the ground with his eyes closed holding unto a thin string of pride. When he opened his eyes again Sakura was holding unto her brother begging him to stop.

"Please Touya! No more!" She cried, a fountain of tears flowed to her cheeks.

Touya looked at his distraught sister then back at Syaoran. He wiped away the drops of sweat on his forehead with his hand then yelled angrily "Get out of here!"

Touya left the room leaving the couple alone to deal with the horrifying aftermath. Sakura knelt down "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" she kept repeating.

Slowly he stood up. He did not say a word; he did not look her in the face. He wiped away the blood from his face with his shirt.

"I hate him for doing this to you. It's all my fault, I should have locked it." She looked at him. "Let me take care of you, I'll go get ice." She had painful tears in her eyes.

He shook his head "No, don't, I better get going."

"No! You can't, please."

He walked past her holding unto his stomach. "I'll see you." He said in a casual tone.

Sakura followed him all the way outside where she grabbed onto his hand. Her tears sank in his shirt. "You don't deserve this."

"Please, don't talk so much. I'm used to this; I used to get into many fights. Your brother throws a lousy punch. It was nothing."

Sakura sniffled "Don't pretend it's okay."

"I'll be fine, now will you let me go and get back in."

She gasped and looked at him hopelessly "Why are you pushing me away? I just want to help you."

He freed himself from her grasp and took a few steps ahead "I don't want to talk about this right now. Maybe later, right now I need to get home."

She watched him go. Just when she thought she understood him, he did something that scared and surprised her at the same time. How could he let Touya go so far, he did not attack and he did not justify himself. He took it like it was a brush of a feather against his skin.

She ambled into Touya's room later that night. He was sitting in darkness on an armchair across the window. Sakura stood behind him.

"Why did you do that? You went too far this time."

"Did I? I've known all along, your relationship is hardly a secret. I just thought I'd let it slid. I hate arguing with you these days. " his voice was hoarse.

She said nothing.

"Sakura, this is your finally year in high school, stop messing around. Remember when I told you what that boy's intention is? Can you see now?"

She shook her head disagreeably "You just don't get it. If hitting Syaoran is your way of punishing him then I must be punished too. I let him kiss me, I let him on top of me and I gave him all the right to do as he pleased to me."

She saw his head move "How did you feel when you saw him hurt."

"Huh?" she could feel tears in her eyes "I felt hurt, like someone was stabbing me in the heart but I wasn't dieing."

"That was your punishment."

………………………

**A/N REVIEWS PLZ**

**Dramatic ending isn't it? Reminds me of those teen soaps in a way. THANK YOU FOR ALL PREVIOUS REVIEWS. I'm so glad that every one has individual opinions on the story and the characters. I had to rewrite the ending so it took me some time to finish. Thanks again. **

………………


	10. Addictions to feeling

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 10

**Addiction to feeling**

"It was so embarrassing." Sakura sat solemnly on Tomoyo's bedroom floor. Her fingers meddled with the fluffy white carpet below her. She soon hugged her legs then sighed as more memories dissolved in her mind.

"_It's my life and it's my body. I can do as I please. I'm almost eighteen." She helplessly yelled at her brother "You beat up my boyfriend! How could you do that?" _

"_You lied to me! How could you do that?"_

_Sakura gawked at him "It's not the same thing and you know it!"_

"_You will never see him again."_

"_Don't bet on it." She settled her hands on her hips "What will you do, kill him next time you heartless moron."_

"_I'm so sick and tired of you! You are making me insane, I'm through with looking out for you."_

"_Fine, then leave me and my boyfriend alone." _

Sakura sunk her chin on her legs and hugged her body tightly. She didn't know if she was ever going to forgive him. There was no telling what Syaoran was feeling but she assumed that he was thinking something like "She isn't worth all this."

Tomoyo slumped next to Sakura "You must go back home."

Sakura shook her head hard "I can't, it's horrible. I need…." Her head rose "I need to talk to him…his phone is off."

"Sakura, stop being so insecure. If I were you, I would go to his house this instant and make him talk to me."

Sakura stood up and grabbed a pillow from Tomoyo's bed. She held it tightly to her face and screamed into it. It was her way of controlling her anger and her sadness at some level. She sat on the bed and looked down at the floor "He says I'm a cry baby." She said softly "He's right. All I do is cry when things go bad; I'm not strong like him."

"So what really happened, it's not like your brother to result to such a cruel action."

"It's weird to talk about" Sakura blushed turning her face further away from her friend.

Tomoyo placed her hands on her shoulder irritated "It's got to be really good—I mean bad, for you to not want to tell me. I'm your best friend, if you can't trust me with your secrets, who can you trust?"

Sakura's features softened, there was a tiny gap between her lips but she said nothing.

"Oh I see, you've go Syaoran now." Tomoyo refrained from frowning at Sakura; she said it with smirk and delight in her tone. It was a natural feeling. She spoke to her mother about it, how she felt like Syaoran had stolen her best friend from her. Her mother's advice was not any help; she could not sit back and pretend she didn't feel left out.

"It's not like that." Sakura blushed up to her ears "It's just…fine, I'll tell you but you have to promise never to tell anyone."

Tomoyo nodded moving to the bed and sitting next to Sakura.

"We nearly…you know." She blushed once more "Went all the way."

Tomoyo's jaw dropped, words stuck to her throat "What…what do you mean nearly?"

Sakura shrugged "We ended it and decided not to go further then that jerk walked in before Syaoran could move away from me."

Tomoyo was dumbstruck "I didn't know you were that serious about him. What was it like?"

Sakura looked at Tomoyo puzzled "What do you mean? I told you nothing happened. I freaked out."

"Oh…"

Sakura decided to spend the night. She did not want to go home. Since she left without saying goodbye or telling Touya where she was going, not showing up would be a good way to punish him.

At night, Sakura and Tomoyo slept on her massive double bed. Everything about Tomoyo lived only up to perfection. She felt comfortable and ready to fall asleep when Tomoyo shifted closer to her.

"Can I ask you something?" Tomoyo asked.

Sakura croaked her head to look at Tomoyo "What?"

"Aren't you worried, people at school are starting to talk."

Sakura sat up "Why should I be worried for?"

"Chiharu has become a rumor mill, I'd watch out for her. She said that good looks were wasted on Syaoran and that the boy Syaoran nearly killed is her cousin."

Sakura head shot up "What!? People are still talking about that? Syaoran did not **"nearly kill"** anyone."

"Did he tell you that?"

"Well no, but I have a lot of faith in him, he's incapable."

Tomoyo turned on the lamp light and nodded "I overheard this one girl in the locker room saying Syaoran only dates sluts."

Sakura's shoulders slowly descended. She rested her head on the dashboard. Just when she thought things were only bad at home, they were also bad at school.

"I heard them a week ago, it's hard for me to tell you all this."

Sakura swallowed back a tear "its fine." She muttered; she could feel it; Syaoran's habits were rubbing on her. She trembled and looked out the window.

"No one understands…" her eyes were half closed, a layer of tears covered the surface, if she was to blink, tears were certain to fall but she did not. "I love him." It was the first time those words slid from her lips; for sure the trees quivered, the flowers bloomed and the clouds cleared up when she spoke those words.

Tomoyo struggled to catch her breath "How do you know?"

Sakura looked at Tomoyo and shrugged "I'd be naïve to ignore it." She held her hand to her heart "My heart tells me so."

Tomoyo threw her head on her pillow "Now I've seen it all. Do you know how you sound? You're seventeen, you've only known the guy for a couple of months and you say you love him? It's my mom's entire fault for reading those fairytales to us when we were kids. I always knew it went up to your head. He kisses you then poof, you love him."

"I mean it…I just can't tell him right now."

Tomoyo looked at Sakura "Oh." She did not have the authority to tell Sakura who she was allowed to love. She could not tell Sakura what she should be feeling. For Tomoyo love was still a distant stranger.

………………………..

Early the next morning Sakura knocked hard on Syaoran's bedroom door. When there was no answer, she barged in and said "Quit it Syaoran, I know you're awake."

"Shouldn't you be home?" Syaoran muttered beneath the forest green duvet. He was motionless and his voice was muffled.

Sakura exhaled nosily "I want to see you. Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you." He said sounding clearer this time.

"You could have fooled me, you won't return my calls and…" she sat on a space next to him. She would never find the nerve to tell him how she really felt about him. She tried to predict what was going to happen next. She would confront, he would deny, he would win and she would storm out asking herself why she loved him so much.

The room was dark. The blinds were closed. It was stuffy and depressing with the smell of pepperoni pizza and red bull. It felt like a dark cloud was floating on the ceiling, ready to swallow them. There were so many things she wanted to say that hung invisibly in midair.

"I've been busy." He said his face still hiding underneath the duvet.

"Don't give me that dumb excuse. At least look at me." She pleaded. Her voice was growing meek.

"I can't; not like this."

Sakura clenched her teeth then pulled the duvet cover.

"What the hell!" Syaoran exclaimed trying hard to pull it back. "Will you quit that, I'm in my underwear for heavens sake." He blushed.

Sakura finally looked up in his face. Her mouth slightly opened. She slowly released the duvet cover then looked away. His handsome face was swollen with a purple blotch on his nose and a tiny cut on his lower lip.

Sakura felt tears heating her eyes.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" he said out of the blue.

Every hair on the back of her neck escalated in slow motion. She choked back the tears then slowly looked at him "I did this to you."

He sat up exposing his toned abs to her. Even in the midst of a heart aching moment, Sakura couldn't help but take note of them.

"Your brother did this to me, not you. Remember how I said I won't make you cry? Well, you're spoiling that for me."

He held her face in his hands "Listen, forget about all this. My cousin is coming from England today. He's a real jackass." Syaoran chuckled "We are really close, he's more like a brother to me. I have to go to the airport with Yelan soon. I'll make sure we talk about all this."

She nodded like an obedient house pet. She towered her face over his. The purity of the moment was brilliant.

She pressed her lips against his lips aware of the pressure she was putting on the cut. He flinched then shortly kissed her back. He felt a warm sensation soak his spine.

"Were you drinking? She asked moving away from him and swallowing a look of distaste.

"Does it matter?"

She looked around the room and noticed two empty bottles of bear on the floor. "It thought you stopped."

He knew he had disappointed her, he never meant for her to see them. The incident with Touya brought back so many harsh memories, he found relief in alcohol and isolating himself from human contact—like he used to.

"You don't understand Kura, I needed to get away."

She nodded stood up, turned away then left the room. His excuse was ridiculous but she found herself trapped, forgiving him was the only way to cope.

……………………..

It felt like the longest week in history. Sakura ignored the rumors and acted the way she would normally do towards her friends including Chiharu whom she refused to confront. Chiharu spoke to her with sincerity and love to the point where Sakura started to think that Tomoyo was lying.

On Saturday morning Syaoran and Sakura sat on the steps in front of his house. She held unto her tote and watched his reaction evolve. He squinted then gave her a pensive smirk.

"I've never been called a horny little bastard before." he said lightly.

She gave him a light sigh; she could not sense a genuine feeling from him. His tone was blank barely holding meaning.

He shrugged "Look at the bright side, we don't need to worry about him finding out and I'm guessing since you're here with me, he's not controlling you." He was mild and spoke readily enough. But always he put her off with words that gave no real information on how he was feeling.

She held his forearm and shook him "There is no place for me anymore."

Syaoran took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips "Right here with me, this is your place."

Sakura frowned, she pulled the cigarette from his lips before he could light it then she threw it on the pavement.

"You know how much I hate it when you smoke."

He looked at her from the corner of his eye "Fine, I won't smoke anymore."

Sakura slowly smiled then he added… "Around you."

She lightly punched his shoulder and he chuckled "Hey, I'm only joking. I have tried quitting, it's not easy. When I started smoking, I didn't think it would be so hard to quit."

Suddenly the front door opened and the couple turned around.

"Syaoran Li, I need to talk to you! Now!" Yelan said looking angrily at her son. He was speeding the ageing process for her, all the frown lines were bound to give her wrinkles and she will have no other choice but to result to cosmic surgery.

Syaoran sighed slowly standing up "Oh shit." He muttered.

Sakura's eyes broadened "Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"Yeah." He said casually.

"I guess I should go home." Sakura said mildly then stood up.

"No; why don't you come in? My cousin should be awake by now; I want you to meet him."

She nodded without saying anything.

They walked into the lounge where Syaoran's mother was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed and a letter in her hands. Sakura admired her; she looked like a model posing for a cover shot. She had a frown on her face and she kept on tapping her foot.

"What did I do this time?" Syaoran said boldly exposing two things. He did not take her seriously and he did not care.

"I just got your progress report from the mail."

Syaoran scratched his head "Oh…that."

Yelan looked at Sakura and said calmly "Do you mind if I talk to him alone, you can get something to drink in the kitchen."

Sakura smiled and hurried out of the room. When she reached the kitchen she put her ear up against the wall just so she could hear what was being said.

"I can't believe it's happening all over again." Yelan yelled.

"You're making such a big deal out of nothing."

"You're on final warning." She said sadly "One more mistake and you'll be kicked out. Why do you do this to yourself Syaoran? It's your future."

He was quiet.

"I told you that this was your last chance. You only have a couple of months left before graduation. I will have no other choice but to send you to your father, maybe he'll know what to do with you."

Syaoran gasped then turned his face aside "I don't want to live with him."

"Then your behavior has to change and I've lost all faith in you. If you don't plan to finish high school, why don't you tell me then you can go work for your father."

On the other side of the wall, Sakura was trying hard to keep calm. The only thing she was thinking of was never seeing him again. She held her trembling hand to her heart. _"Why can't you listen?"_ she murmured. She tried to catch more words but their voices were too low.

"Syaoran never mentioned anything about you being **nosy**."

A voice startled her. She turned around and saw a teenage boy staring back at her with an empty glass in his hand. His eyes navy blue, his hair—the same and he wore glasses. He stared at her with a saucy smirk then he chuckled.

"I wasn't being nosy." She said turning to look at him "I'm concerned."

"Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Sakura scowled "You must be Syaoran's cousin."

He turned away to open the fridge "And you must be his girlfriend."

Sakura approached him and leaned on the counter "I'm Kinomoto Sakura." She let out her hand for a shake.

He closed the fridge the looked down at the hand that was hanging mid air. He yawned "I know." He said groggily without attempting to even touch her hand.

He looked down at the carton of orange juice as Sakura scrutinized him with her eyes _"How rude."_ She thought.

Syaoran walked into the kitchen; to Sakura's surprise he had a smile on his face "So you two have met."

Sakura looked at him worryingly _"I don't believe it, how could he be so calm? Is he pretending?" _

"Kinda." She replied harshly.

Eriol drank from the carton "What have you done this time?"

Syaoran grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl "Nothing. It's Saturday afternoon, we should get out of here. Hey, Sakura, what do you think about lake Azuna? Eriol can drive us there."

"It's cold; there is not much we can do there."

"We don't mind." Eriol commented proudly "So when do we leave this place. I'm so bored, Japan can be so boring." Eriol had a smug sneer on his lips.

Sakura glared at him but choose not to comment.

Just as Syaoran suggested, they went to the lake. Eriol drove them there and they packed a few snacks.

The ride there was horrible for Sakura, she already made up her mind about Eriol, and he was a conceited, spoilt and impolite rich kid. In most cases he spoke in ways that emphasized that people who are not rich are less important. Each statement went under her skin, all Syaoran did was listen.

"I told Mr. Brinks that I can buy the school with him in it. He had no authority to punish me to that extent. I'm no maid, why should I be forced to sweep?" Eriol said his arrogance sparkling like stars.

"We sweep all the time as punishment." Sakura commented frowning.

"Then you should complain. I made sure Father heard of it, he was mortified. "

Sakura rolled her eyes and sighed.

They reached there early in the afternoon. The sky was stainless and the heat of the sun refused to be felt. They stood on a wooden pier and stared down at the dark water. The boys seemed to be fascinated but Sakura failed to find the amusement in any of it.

Eriol crouched then grinned at Syaoran "Looks cold, doesn't it?" His eyes then pointed at the lake.

Syaoran nodded while Sakura focused on his face waiting for a familiar expression.

"I dare you to dive in."

Sakura's head shot up and automatically twisted to Eriol's direction "You're asking him to put his life on the line."

"I never turn down a dare." Syaoran did not look at her.

Sakura growled then turned her head away. He was doing it again—being an insensitive jerk. _He never stops to think what all this does to me…I hate seeing him hurt._

"I'll be alright, you worry too much." Syaoran took off his coat then his polo t-shirt and shoes.

Eriol stood up and watched Syaoran dive into the water. One minute he was there, and the next, Eriol could not see Syaoran on the surface.

"Where is he?" Sakura asked moving further to the edge of the wooden pier. The water seemed to flow forever, she felt dizzy.

Eriol grinned "Some where."

Sakura could not believe it, how could Eriol have that stupid look on his face. Her heart constricted and her bones shuddered. She crouched and yelled his name until she could hear her voice cracking. "Syaoran! Syaoran it's not funny anymore." She cried.

Eriol stopped slowly stopped smiling. He stared into the water and searched for Syaoran.

"He's not coming up!" she cried.

………………………………

**A/N: R&R PLZ. I thought I'd make this one shorter, just so it won't get too confusing especially as more characters get involved. The last chapter was the riskiest by far but I really wanted to take a chance. Thanks for previous reviews :D **

………


	11. Incompatible

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 11

**Incompatible**

She held tightly unto his clothes as tears threatened to fall. Suddenly they saw Syaoran's head on the surface; while Eriol laughed it off, Sakura was infuriated.

When she saw Syaoran standing on the riverside, she ran towards him and watched him from a tiny distance. He was trembling, his body was pale and he was drenched. She looked into his face; he had a tiny smirk on his lips.

"You scared me. Why did you stay under for so long?" She asked him.

"Oh, I did?" he ambled closer to her "I'm sorry; I was trying to beat Eriols' record. I thought I could hold my breath longer." He chuckled still quivering.

"I…I don't think it's funny." she bit her words "You really scared me."

He pulled her close allowing her head to settle on his cold chest. He stroked her hair without uttering a single word.

Later, after Syaoran put his clothes back on, they sat at the edge of the wooden pier while Eriol returned to the car for a snack.

"The day is ending." She placed her hands firmly on the wood beneath her.

"Don't tell me you want to go home now."

She shook her head "No."

He watched her for a long minute, he still found her as captivating as he did the first time he saw her. He gently closed his hand over hers. His hand was so cold that she quivered when it made contact with hers. He played with her fingers for sometime as they quietly embraced the moment.

"Please, try your best to not get expelled." She said suddenly. She stole a sideways glance.

"I can't believe you're worried." Syaoran dreaded the topic, he didn't like discussing it with his parents and he did not want to discuss it with Sakura.

She gazed up at the dark empty sky. Her eyes dilated and she sighed "Don't you ever think about where you want to be next year, about college?"

He shook his head "Nope, I'm just happy not to be an adolescent anymore."

He looked at her and she back at him "I find that hard to believe. You're the smartest person I know. You can probably get into any university you want. Why would you want that to go to waste?"

"College…huh?" He said slowly. "What's the point?"

"Syao, you know how important it is."

"I'll only end up working for my father, I can't escape that."

"Do you want to graduate?"

He looked at the sky "Of course I do. Trust me I can stay out of trouble."

She shifted closer to him. She moved her face closer to his, slowly closed her eyes then slightly backed away as though she was afraid to go further. His hands snaked their way to the back of her neck and he pulled her closer to his face then he kissed her mouth. He pressed his lips hard against hers savoring the texture of her mouth as she responded. Her lips were burning hot compared to his cold dry lips. He considered the kiss necessary.

He let her neck go slowly then killed the kiss. His hands wanted to pull her on top of him but he knew that it would only turn him on.

"Syao…uh…" she flushed coyly "Why have you stopped?"

He blushed and placed a thumb on her chin "I needed to see you're face once more before we go on."

She blushed nodding.

………………...

When they reached home, Eriol jumped at the opportunity to bring up Sakura's name. He caught Syaoran in his room playing a video game. He did not seem to notice Eriol walk in. Eriol sat on a chair then casually flipped the bangs of his azure hair back.

"So, that was the** famous** Sakura."

Syaoran nodded keeping his fingers fixed on the analogue and his eyes glued to the flashing images on the TV screen. "What do you think about her, isn't she the best?"

"She's an eye candy but she's too…"

Syaoran paused the game and turned his head to look at Eriol "Too what?"

"Cute and nice."

Syaoran turned his body to look at Eriol, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"I still can't believe you went for that type though. There are so many girls out there who are willing to throw themselves at you, like in the old days. You would have never gone for a girl like her. You really have changed."

He scratched the back of his head "I guess I have."

"Seeing she's still a virgin, I'm guessing she's forbidden territory too. I mean you two have been together for three months, it's not like you to wait so long and it's not like you to even date a girl for more than two weeks."

"How do you know that she's a…"

"She practically flaunts it." Eriol cut in.

Syaoran's cheeks turned a dark shade of red; he turned his back to Eriol.

"Sometimes I don't know where you come up with these things. How does one flaunt it?"

Eriol chuckled "You still have so much to learn about women."

Syaoran released a heavy sigh "It's not like that with her. I respect her. I never respected all those other girls and besides, despite the recent events we're doing fine. I like where we are, sex would change everything….so back off."

Eriol swallowed what was to be a delicious smirk. He sat back and said lightly "I'm happy for you but don't expect me to be moved so easily. I'm God's gift to women, it would be selfish to share all this with just one girl."

Syaoran rolled his eyes then Eriol laughed "I'm only joking."

………………

On Monday morning

The test started at exactly 9:00, after an hour, there was a light knock on the door. Everyone raised their heads to look at the principle by the door then they returned to their exam, everyone except Sakura. The pen was motionless in her hands as she watched the principle whisper something to the invigilator. The invigilator nodded then walked past the first few desks.

Sakura quickly turned her head back to her paper. When she looked up again, Syaoran was standing at the door with the principle.

Everything went in slow motion from there on. She watched the principle talk to Syaoran. He would nod then say something. She tried to make out what it was he was saying my staring at the movement of his lips but failed.

Soon after that Syaoran walked into the class, Sakura's eyes followed him. He walked up to his desk and carried his bag over his shoulder. When he walked past her desk he winked at her, she could not form at expression. Her face was pale.

Before he could walk out the door, Sakura stood up abruptly "No, You can't go!" she yelled.

The invigilator gasped and all the students stopped writing and looked her. She settled back in her seat and looked down at her paper. She could still feel their gazes; she could still hear them whisper. The invigilator had to raise his voice for silence. When she looked up, Syaoran was gone.

…………

She caught him at the parking lot during break. He stood behind the school gate staring blankly at the road.

"Are you…are you leaving?" She hesitated standing only an inch behind him.

He nodded his head then turned around "Yes, my mother should be here soon. The principle wants to talk to her before I leave."

"No you can't, I'll miss you and I love you." Even the way those three words rolled off her lips represented immense implication.

Syaoran suppressed a gasp. His eyes broadened then suddenly he squinted then sighed. He ran his hands through his hair as she watched him desperately with awe. The moment did not want to end. There was a deeply significant pause. Syaoran looked up, he watched a snow flake drift in the air then softly land on the tip of her nose.

"Uh…really?" he swallowed hard his Adams apple making slight movement.

She nodded apprehensively.

"Well." He started to sweat in the midst of the cold "Good for you." He chuckled nervously.

She took a step back and looked away him "You're going now, your mother will send you away and we might never meet and…."

"What are you talking about, I'm not going anywhere." He interrupted.

"But…"

"Sakura, I'm suspended, not expelled. It's for this stupid detention I skipped a couple of weeks ago. I've been given another chance."

Sakura wanted to hide her face from him; she regretted ever telling him her true feeling for him. What hurt the most was that he did not feel the same way. She bit her lower lip and forced a quirky grin. She giggled then took a deep breath.

"You really scared me, uh I never really meant what I said about…you know." She said lightly

"I was caught in the moment."

"Really?"

"One day, we'll look at this and laugh." She said trying to sound light, bright and confident and only sounding as artificial as an amateur actress.

'_I know you meant every word Sakura, I can tell when you're lying. I'm such an idiot, I wish I said something. I'm a coward, afraid to love and be loved. The truth is…I do, I love you more than you know. I don't think I'll ever come around to saying it to you, I just…I can't.'_

He leered at her "I understand."

…………………………

The nightmare started at approximately three thirty, the same afternoon Syaoran was suspended. Sakura walked around the school, her face saddened by her earlier realization. Unrequited love, of course he liked her and yes he cared, but love…love was too much for him.

"Maybe we're not on the same page or it's just me, I'm moving too fast…" her thoughts started in full swing occupying most of her time. Withdrawing her from what was supposed to be her reality, cheerleading and socializing. She sat on the bench and watched her fellow cheerleaders practice.

"Are you feeling better now?" Chiharu asked sitting next to Sakura.

Sakura dropped her head on her knees and muttered "No."

"I know you say you have cramps and I don't want to sound mean or anything but I think you're lying. Something else is bothering you. You're not in pain; you just don't want to cheerlead today."

Sakura closed her eyes tightly almost ready to cry _'Well duh, my boyfriend doesn't love me and I want him to.'_

"Does it have to do with Syaoran?"

Sakura slowly opened her eyes but said nothing.

"You must be divested that he's suspended. You don't need to pretend anymore, the whole school knows that you two are friends…with benefits of course."

Sakura withdrew her head abruptly "Syaoran and I are not friends." She said angrily underneath her breath.

"So he's your boyfriend. Why am I not surprised?"

Sakura looked up at the soccer field "If you don't mind, I really don't want to talk about this right now."

"But I do, the news is on every corner of the school. People are making up stories you know, your ignorance is unbearable sometimes."

Sakura gasped at the remark "Will you…will you just leave me alone."

"I'm on your side Sakura, will you relax. But honestly speaking, you two have nothing in common. I don't see what one could possibly see in a boy like him. Are his looks what you're after? Did he blackmail you or something, come on you can tell me. So people are saying he seduced you, of course I don't believe that nonsense. How long have you been with him? When did you make it official? Aren't you afraid of him…"

Sakura held her hands to her ears. She had no time to sit brooding or listening Chiharu go on about her relationship with Syaoran like it was a threat to humanity.

"Shut up Chiharu, please….keep quiet."

Chiharu first smirked then suddenly she wore a face that only expressed remorse. In the sweetest tone she asked "I'm sorry, I'm asking too much. It's none of my business anyway."

Sakura stood up slowly carrying her bag over her shoulder "I have to go home."

"Oh sure…Don't worry about the rumors they're dumb anyway."

Sakura nodded.

The next day wasn't any better, the second she walked into the school premises it started. First they'd look at her, then they would turn away, then they would whisper something to the person standing close to them.

She went to the girl's bathroom to seek shelter but only more torment awaited her. As she washed her hands by the sink, she withdrew her head to look up in the mirror. _SAKURA IS A FAT SLUT_. It was written in red lipstick for every female to see.

"_Why? Why are they doing this to me? I don't even know what I did wrong." _

Her hands were trembling. She ran and grabbed a roll of toilet paper nearby and tried to wipe off every word. _"I won't cry, I won't." _She told herself.

Two girls walked into the bathroom, the looked at her and giggled.

"No point." One said to the other "Everyone already knows."

She sneaked out of the bathroom after the bell rang and hurried to first period. Lunch time came, quietly Sakura snuck back in the bathroom. She advanced to the toilet, closed the door and sat on the toilet seat. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door.

"Sakura, I know you're in there." Tomoyo said. "You can't hide forever."

She made no sound.

"It will all be over before you know it. They're not all talking about you."

"They are." She muttered "I've been trying to figure out what it was I did."

"Please come out." Tomoyo tried to catch her tone.

"No, I can't."

Tomoyo sighed; her eyes peered around the room. She noticed that the mirror was smothered in red lipstick and the taps were dripping.

"Oh Sakura, you did nothing."

Sakura did not leave the lavatory until the bell rang. She thought of Syaoran constantly and how he would take all this. She felt like she needed him to protect her yet she also felt like it was her obligation to be strong and unfazed by the situation. It was like that the whole week, she had fallen into her own pit of misery.

On Friday, she left school as soon as the bell rang, purposely skipping cheerleading practice. She did not want to be home either so she decided to go to work instead. She sat at the counter and waited upon a woman to make her order.

"I just can't decide." She told Sakura.

Sakura could not smile; she could only stare blankly at her hoping she would hurry up. The feeling was familiar, insecurity. She felt like something must be wrong with her to make the kids at school hate her or for Syaoran not to love her.

"Will you…will you hurry up and order, people are waiting too you know."

The woman looked at her then gasped "How….how rude, what's wrong with you?"

She clenched her teeth "You want to know what's wrong with me, well; my brother hit my boyfriend, the same boyfriend who doesn't love me. Everyone at school hates me and I've lost my popularity and good reputation. Did I mention my boyfriend is also suspended?"

The woman pouted "I'm not surprised, with that attitude."

Sakura took deep breaths when the manager hurried to her side and muttered "Young lady, this is a restaurant not a therapy session. Let someone take over and get ride of the trash."

Sakura sighed then nodded.

She took two plastic bags and pushed the backdoor open. She paused in her tracks, as a tiny smile kissed her lips.

"I missed you." said Syaoran's much-loved voice. He stood against a wall with his hands in his pocket.

She dropped the bags and ran into his arms. She held him tightly rubbing her head against his shoulder.

"Sakura." He said with a tiny chuckle "What's the matter?"

She slowly withdrew her face and looked at him "I'm just happy to see you."

"You look like you're going to cry."

She shook her head "No." she hugged him again "Please don't let me go."

'_This is why I love you, I feel safe in your arms. Everything bad that's happening goes away. I feel alive and dear. I feel complete….'_

"You look so cute in your uniform." He whispered softly "I came to take you away. I need you to come with me."

She looked into his face "Why."

"It's a surprise." He held her hand.

He took her back to the place where they first kissed, the park. He parked his convertible in the middle of the soccer field. They sat on the trunk of the car. The cold air and the strong wind felt like a haven of peace. He took out a picnic basket from the back seat, it all startled Sakura.

"I know it's cheesy but…"

She smiled "No, it's great, it's what I needed. It's not cheesy."

"Good." He opened the basket and took out two sandwiches from a container "Don't laugh, it's peanut butter and jelly, it's all I can make. I usually cheat my way around the kitchen."

She flushed coyly and took the sandwich from his hands.

"Remember this place; we haven't been here since we first kissed. It was an afternoon like this, a Friday too."

"Yeah, I can never forget." She took a bite of the sandwich.

"I meant it when I said I missed you. The great thing about school is that I get to see your face everyday."

"Me too."

He took a quick bite of his sandwich "So how is school?"

There were signs of strain on her face that she quickly covered with a short giggled "Everything is the same."

"So, it's not fine."

She quickly finished her sandwich then placed her hands on her lap. She stared down at her baby blue uniform and the adorable white apron then she played with her fingers.

"Things have changed; here I am trying my best to pour my heart out to you and here you are pulling away. It looks like the tables have turned."

"It's just gossip and lies. Nothing more, I'm trying to not let it all get to me."

He pushed the bangs of her hair behind her ear in order to get a glimpse of her face. She averted her gaze to him.

"It's not your fault. I don't want you to feel that way and I'd rather be in love with you than have people pretend to like me. You mean more to me."

"But this stuff, cheerleading and organizing school events, they make you happy."

"I'll just have to fight for them and if I loose, at least I'll still have you."

He realized a rare genuine smile then jumped off the trunk and quickly took off his navy coat. He advanced to her and placed each of his arms on the side of her hips.

"I have a surprise for you."

"hmmm." She ran her fingers through his hair and towered her face over his.

"I'm trying to quit, see." His eyes pointed at the sticker on his forearm "It's a nicotine patch."

She giggled happily "So you've finally realized that smoking is bad for you."

"No Saku, I'm doing it for you. I know it will make you happy and by the size of that smile on your face it's clearly worth it."

Sakura threw her lips at him and they kissed.

…………………..

Monday morning promised a fresh twist in gossip. Syaoran was returning and all eyes and ears were opened. Sakura boldly stood in front of the school gate and stared pensively at the fate that waited for her behind those walls. Her hands clang on the cold metal bars and her foot kicked the frost on the ground.

"Scary isn't it?" a voice came from behind her.

Sakura slowly turned around. Her eyes caught Chiharu eyeing her from head to toe.

"I'm not afraid." She said in a subtle tone "Good morning."

Chiharu faked a loud laugh. She sounded like an evil witch from a horror movie "You should be. Every one is talking; they're all waiting for him to return. It's not just you."

Her statement seemed to explain everything.

Sakura moved close to Chiharu "Oh."

"I'm sure it's eating you up, it's all killing you." She said with delight in her tone. She failed to hide the pleasure the situation was brought her.

"I was shattered on Friday but Syaoran helped me get over it."

Chiharu crossed her arms over her chest "Syaoran this, Syaoran that. Yuk!"

Sakura stared at Chiharu appalled the look of content slipping from her face. "Chiharu, why are you being so mean?"

She sighed heavily and faked an innocent tone "I'm not being mean, why would I be mean to fragile little Sakura, she just might break!"

Sakura's eyebrows descended and she though instantly _"Tomoyo was right."_

"I've tried so hard to save you from all this. You do realize this means war. I don't understand. You too are incompatible, he's a cancer, and you're an Aries. It doesn't go. You're lucky the girls are still talking to you."

"What exactly did I do?"

"You proved yourself to be a traitor. You chose a boy over your friends, a boy we all don't like. You are so low."

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend nearly killed my cousin, Kenchi, they attended the same school last year, you know, Wally Range Academy for boys."

Sakura said nothing and Chiharu took a few steps past her.

"I don't believe you; Syaoran could never do such a thing. So what if you hate him, what's that have to do with me?" Sakura said calmly.

Chihaur's jaw tightened in an instant and she said through clenched teeth "It has everything to do with you….friend."

…………………………….

**A/N: In official that Chiharu is "mean", there's nothing like a good girl fight to heat up the drama—I mean what's high school drama without one? I hope ya'll enjoyed it. So, Eriol is kind of mean too XD…this fic has many mean people huh. That only makes room for character development and lessons to be learnt. Please keep reading and reviewing, I still have a lot of ideas under my sleeve and I'd like to finish this. Thx 2 everyone whose been reviewing, you make this worth it. Alright then, cya nxt chappie. **


	12. The alliance

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 12

**The alliance**

"I never thought I'd see the day, Syaoran early at school staring at the message board." Sakura ambled next to him giving him a playful nudge on his forearm.

He sighed then leered at his girlfriend "I have to, you see, as part of being on final warning, they want me to take up some after school curriculum." He complained.

"Take up cheerleading, it would be cool if we had a couple of guys on the team." She said in a serious tone.

He laughed putting his arm on his stomach "You're so cute when you're trying to be funny." He looked at her.

She put her hands on her hips "I'm not trying to be funny."

He looked at her then playfully placed a finger on the tip of her nose "I think basketball will be fine."

She blushed as her eyes went back on the board. There was a message on pink paper that wrote **"Cheerleading auditions, in the hall, for more information contact ****Head cheerleader**** Chiharu." **

Sakura gasped and Syaoran looked at her confused.

"Hey, I thought you were head cheerleader?"

"So did I, Chiharu….that….that…that…."

"Two faced bitch." Syaoran supplied.

She sighed "Not exactly the words I was looking for. She's my friend, she said some awful things to me this morning but I think she was not being herself. She's been my friend since preschool. Why would she suddenly turn against me? There is a good explanation for all this…maybe she's getting me back for all those times I played tricks on her."

Syaoran had to strain his eyes; suddenly he smiled "I love it how you always look for the best in people."

"I'm sure by now you know that you've been deported." Chiharu's voice sounded off from behind them.

They stood still, reluctant to turn around. Sakura held her breath then looked at her.

"I know I haven't been that efficient lately but I've been head cheerleader for almost three years. You just can't knock me off like that."

"I already have." Chiharu smiled, her probing eyes cut Sakura like daggers.

Sakura folded her arms over her chest "I guess I'll just have to take it back!"

"Bite me." Chiharu pouted then walked away.

Sakura glared at her then muttered "That two faced bitch."

As she stood there biting on that bitter piece of anger, Syaoran noticed something peculiar, everyone and I mean everyone was looking at them. A frown crossed his face as he tried to dismiss every glare.

"Sakura…" he started slowly "These people are pathetic, they're looking at us like they've never seen people before."

Sakura paused noticing all the glances each student stole. Some pretended to act normal but it was obvious that they were at it. Her jaw nearly dismantled at the sight.

The bell rang and Syaoran automatically held her hand as a crowd of students came their direction, rushing eagerly to class. They knew they were in the way but they stood still. People bumped into them, but none seemed to want to move. Then something miraculous happened, something that made the students stop to give the couple another glance.

Syaoran pulled Sakura into his arms and kissed her lips speaking softly into them "Lets put the rumors to rest." She closed her eyes and kissed him back as her hands snaked around their neck.

It felt like everyone had disappeared now; they were locked in an eternal bliss that told the world that they were unbreakable. How could she not love such an amazing kisser…he was perfect. The way he abruptly swept her into his arms took her breath away. She felt like she could do anything. It was his way of telling her not to be afraid anymore; the world could crash but as long as they were together everything was going to be alright.

A teacher caught them in an empty hallway, still making out. He cleared his throat but the two did not budge. He approached them and yelled "Get to class!!"

They reluctantly separated their faces red. They laughed nervously then parted separate ways.

……………………..

At lunch time, with her satchel hanging from her shoulder, Sakura walked past the queue and made her way to her "supposed" friends.

"Hi guys." She said noticing the unpleasant look on their faces. She couldn't help but smile anyway.

Chiharu glared at her, Sakura literally felt her hot breath on her neck. She giggled nervously and waved at her other friends. Naoko and Rika frowned at her while Tomoyo turned her face away.

"Not you too." Sakura looked at Tomoyo disappointed, her happiness drained in an instant.

"That was some stunt you pulled this morning." Chiharu said tapping a spoon rhythmically on the table. She looked up at Sakura and bit her lower lip "Talk about PDA, you're quiet the attention seeker aren't you?"

Sakura was wounded with Chiharu's intent to make her look malicious "That's not what that was." She said softly.

"Sure, you can't sit here anymore." Chiharu had a weird glint in her eyes and she whispered fiercely in Naoko's ear.

Sakura shrugged "I've been sitting here since freshman year, you can't just chase me."

Naoko looked at Sakura nervously "We all agreed, you're making the rest of us look bad."

"What exactly did I do?"

No one answered; they glared at her then shifted so that there was not a single space left for her to sit.

At that point, Chiharu reminded her of a tiger. She looked at Sakura like she wanted to tear her apart. Even when she spoke her eyes were darting around looking at everyone like she was ready to eat them.

"If you think this is a popularity contest then you're only competing with yourself." Sakura said unperturbed

Chiharu shrugged "You're just jealous because right now you're the most unpopular girl in school. You've moved down the popularity chain, past the geeks, past the Goths right down to the bottom with Syaoran Li."

Sakura slanted her head and her arms were in akimbo "Oh come on, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! A popularity chain?"

The girls nodded apprehensively.

"Well, fine! I had a feeling you'd do this anyway. I can't believe how fast you guys turned your backs on me." She confessed trying to keep a straight face. The truth was, she felt deeply hurt and betrayed.

She retreated and told them flatly "I hope you enjoy your lunch."

……………………….

She sat on a bench under an oak tree in the school yard with Syaoran. The snow on the grass was crisp and white and sparkled in the sunlight. It was his special hangout, no one ate there anyway. She smiled at him opening her bag. "I made you lunch."

"Lunch?" he sounded shocked and shy all at once.

She nodded handing him a blue lunch box that had a green cloth wrapped neatly around it.

"You made this yourself?" he asked opening it.

She nodded keenly.

When it was opened, his eyes glowed at the site of the delicious meal that awaited him—rice balls, sandwiches and a cupcake on the side. He drooled at the sight of it _"I'm the luckiest guy to have such a sweet girlfriend!" _he thought a smile spreading from ear to ear.

As he dug into his meal he looked at her. She had that haggard look on her face and she said blankly "Tomoyo is on her side."

"huh? She is?"

Sakura nodded then sighed.

"Then why is she coming this direction?"

Sakura looked up and saw Tomoyo approaching them. She turned her face away and muttered "What does she want?"

When Tomoyo reached Sakura she said sincerely "I'm sorry for that. I don't know what I was thinking."

Sakura suddenly stood up and hugged her "I knew you were on my side."

Tomoyo found herself talking openly to Syaoran, as though he was an old friend. This surprised her because a part of her had always been a little afraid of him. She noticed how his eyes always embrace Sakura and his hands always find hers.

That Afternoon Sakura walked home with Tomoyo. As they approached her house, Tomoyo looked at Sakura.

"You've changed." She said "In a good way."

"I know, I'm so over that popularity stuff. Chiharu needs to grow up."

"Not in that way, you're happy with who you are."

She nodded, that was _almost_ true now.

"And Syaoran, I misjudged him. He's a nice guy. He's good to you and he makes you happy. I guess the rest of us were only in the way."

"Tomoyo, your friendship means the world to me; you were never in the way." Sakura walked next to her.

Suddenly Sakura stopped walking. She saw Eriol standing in front of her house with his hands in his pocket.

"Hi there." He said looking Sakura then shifting his glance to the raven haired girl standing next to her.

Sakura rolled her eyes and folded her hands across her chest "What are you doing here? Syaoran is at kendo practice if you're looking for him." She said scornfully.

Though he heard every word Sakura said, he just couldn't keep his eyes off her friend. A tint of pink went up to his cheeks.

"Who is this?" Tomoyo asked.

"Some jackass related to Syaoran."

Eriol turned red then looked at Sakura "What is you're problem, you're embarrassing me." He waved his hands in the air.

"Well you are." Sakura said closing her eyes and wrinkling her nose.

He couldn't help but blush in front of her. Though his eyes were fixed on her, she did not seem bothered by him; in fact it was like he wasn't even there.

This was a stretch for Eriol, he always had a way of making an impression on women but this one was different.

Tomoyo's phone rang and she walked a distance away to answer it.

"Do you always have to be such a smart ass, listen just because you don't like me for some reason I just don't understand, doesn't mean you should influence your friend to feel the same way."

"Remember when we first met? You called me nosy and you wouldn't even shake my hand. Then you nearly got Syaoran killed and treated me like I was dumb for caring about him. Besides you are an egotistic spoilt brat."

"Fine, I can be a real jerk—sometimes, but I'm actually a really nice guy waiting for nice and pretty girls like you and your cute friend over there to save me from my misguided old ways—you know like Syaoran." He looked at Sakura with puppy dog eyes.

Sakura clamped her hand over her mouth "Oh my gosh, you're totally crushing on Tomoyo."

Eriol turned red "No…I'm just curious. Will you give us a proper introduction friend?"

Sakura sighed "Friend? Fine, but why would I want my friend to date a jerk like you?"

"Date? I just want to **interact **with her a little."

Sakura sighed at what she felt was a pathetic answer. When the proper introduction was made, Eriol acted like a…a "smooth operator." He took Tomoyo's hand and bend down to kiss it.

"Tomoyo is a beautiful name; it goes perfectly with such a beautiful girl. I'm from England, here visiting your beautiful and ever so entertaining country." What Sakura found ironic about this statement was that when Tomoyo was not present he called Japan 'boring.'

Tomoyo loved his accent and was enchanted but her face expression showed other wise. She slowly pulled her hand away and smiled nervously. "O—kay, it's nice to meet you Ariol."

"It's Eriol…but you can call me what ever you want."

Now he was provoked, _"Is she insulting me by acting uninterested? Is it my breath? This has never happened before, maybe she's a lesbian." _

Sakura shook her head.

"So what are you girls up to?" Eriol winked at Tomoyo.

Tomoyo arched an eyebrow then turned her face away. "Studying, we have exams next week."

"I can help you study, I'm really good at…studying stuff."

Sakura was tempted to push him in the middle of the road with her leg so that a car can run over him.

"Alright." Tomoyo said kindly.

Eriol proved he was useful; he got over the nervous feeling and spoke casually to Tomoyo who did not show much interest in him anyway. Every now and then he'd stare at her and she'd notice with a feeling of uneasiness. Just when she was about to leave, Tomoyo pulled Sakura for a near whisper.

"You're friend is _weird_, he's freaking me out."

Sakura giggled then told Eriol when Tomoyo was gone. Eriols face was bright red.

"She really thinks that about me?" he said in a mellow tone that took Sakura off guard.

"Don't take it to heart. You're just not her type."

He clenched his fingers to a fist and muttered softly "Not her type huh?"

"Listen, you need to relax a little, take it slow."

"I'm not used to this kind of rejection. Is she…is she a lesbian."

Sakura lightly stomp her foot "No! Just because a girl is not interested in you doesn't make her that. You need to get over yourself and ask her out."

He opened the front door "What's the point, she thinks I'm weird. I've never been called that before…come to think of it…" He smirked "It kind of turns me on."

Sakura had to bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Hook us up." He said in an arrogant manner.

Sakura nodded hard "It's going to take a lot; she isn't an easy girl to please."

He looked outside then back at Sakura "What ever it takes."

…………………………

Sakura knocked on the window pane holding painfully unto a tree branch covered with snow flakes. Snow flakes pelted the window pane. She peered through the window and knocked again.

Syaoran ambled to the window and slowly pulled it up. He knew all along that she would show up, that it would be her that would help him end his day. A pink scarf covered half of her face, her emerald orbs smiled at him as she quickly moved through the windows.

He closed the window and she sat on his bed and slowly took off her scarf and stocking cap. Her hair was in messy ponytail with what looked like a 90's scrunchy. He was a bit surprised that she did not try to fix it yet other girls were always fussing about the way they looked. He was glad to see her like this.

"Hi." She said in a flustered tone.

"You could have used the front door." He walked towards her settling a short distance on his bed from her.

Her face was pale yet the smile on her face made her presence radiating. "I know, I just don't want to raise eyebrows."

He held her hands and slowly slipped the thin gloves from her tender hands. His actions of concern turned her cheeks red. He warmed her hands with his the held them to his mouth. He blew unto them and asked smoothly.

"Is that better?"

She nodded.

"You came all the way here, so what do you want to do?"

She looked at the clock on his bed side table, 23:00; she took off her coat and threw it on the floor.

"I want.'' She blushed further "I want to fall asleep in your arms."

It did not show but she was slightly self-conscious of her attitude toward him, she did not want to be one of those girls who clung to their boyfriends like a leach. He was still her first and she still felt inexperienced around him sometimes.

He watched her for a while then stood up, "Fine." He said with a glint in his amber eyes.

She had her head comfortably on his shoulder. Her eyes were half closed and her hands rested on his stomach. His nose found its way sunken in a bundle of auburn bangs. It was like tasting her, she smelled sweet and a warm sensation spread across his body. After awhile he snuck a hand around her waist, he watched the lights of passing vehicles travel the ceiling.

"Are you asleep yet?"

"No, I like this, being in your arms like this. I wouldn't change a thing about it." She murmured.

She withdrew her head and looked at him. She placed her hands on his chest and leaned her chin on them.

"I can't sleep when I'm so happy inside."

He ran his fingers through her hair "I want to try something."

He sat up and she sat up with him. He held her hand and clasped his fingers between hers.

"You see how perfectly your hand fits with mine?"

She nodded stunned by the realization.

"Our hands were made for each other. That means it's the same for us. We are meant for each other. You and I dream like one, we breathe like one."

Sakura thought about it, she didn't need him to tell her he loved her, his actions told her. The way he held her in his arms and the ways he had _changed_—for her. She must have been doing something right for him to have such adoration.

"I know now." Her thoughts found their way to her lips.

"Know what?"

"_That you love me, I feel it."_ Her thoughts said, what Sakura said was different. She looked at him. "My brother won't check up on me." She smiled.

"So all of this, us being so close…in each others arms….alone, it's okay with you?" He suddenly twisted the topic with a cheerful ring in his tone.

She nodded "Yes."

"Just making sure."

Her hands remained clasped between his as she settled her head back on his chest. "I have this memory in my head of this beautiful place with flowers, and this gorgeous sunlight. I'm with my mother and she's holding my hand, I feel one with the trees and the beauty."

"I wouldn't mind being one with you." He muttered lightly to himself.

Sakura slapped him on the chest "Ouch!"

Red streaks crawled up to her face "I heard that, I can't believe you're still thinking about it." XD

"I'm an eighteen year old male, it's only normal that I think about it." (!-.-)

"That's the worst excuse I've ever heard."

He tickled her and chuckled "Really?"

She tried to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing but she found herself cracking up.

When she was able to stop and her voice was back she said "School was crazy today."

He chuckled "That's an understatement. I still don't understand why she would turn on you. She obviously can't compete, she can only trash you but no matter what, there will always be something about you that makes people drawn to you."

She was impressed "I wish we could mend this. She told people that that guy you clashed with is her cousin and…" she clasped her hand over her mouth and bit her tongue.

"I'm sorry; I know you don't like to talk about it." She closed her eyes tightly and swallowed hard.

"Are you that afraid to bring it up in front of me?"

She quickly sat up "I just don't want to make it look like I'm forcing stuff out of you or anything and…."

A longing possessed him tell her everything. With a feeling of resignation, he gathered his thoughts.

"I'll tell you." He muttered turning his face to the side straight after that.

Her eyes widened; at some extent she was afraid of the truth. What if the rumors were true? What would she do?

He turned on the lap light which was no good for their shadows stole the light.

Suddenly she felt him close his hand over her wrist, and then he pulled her closer to him. He made sure she was sitting comfortably and that her face was not in contact with his.

"I used to be so…so full of myself. I thought I could get away with anything, that's what caused me to slip off the edge." His voice was barely audible "I can't explain it but I'll try. I've never told this to anyone."

She kept her eyes away from him since that was what he intended.

"Me and this other guy, Kenchi, we clashed, only because he beat up one of my friends. All I wanted was revenge, I wanted to show him what I was made of and I was not the type of person to be messed with." He paused then gave Sakura a sideways glance. He wanted to see the look on her face before going on.

"After school when everyone was gone, I decided to confront him. I caught him by the stairs. It all started with a heated argument then, right when I was about to attack him, he recoiled and tumbled down the steps and he punched is head on nearby wall."

"But it was not your fault." She interrupted.

"I'm not finished; the next thing I remember is seeing his on the floor. There was blood everywhere. He wasn't moving. And you know what I did?"

She shook her head. Syaoran punched the mattress angrily, a vein tightened up on his forehead and she could tell that he was trying hard to control himself.

"Nothing, I watched him for almost five minutes. My hands were shaking, I froze, and I know I should have called for help but I was traumatized. I remember tears heating up my eyes, I remember being afraid. A student finally saw us. He rushed for help…that was when I moved. They said he lost so much blood and it would have been fatal because his head hit the wall."

She cocked his face her direction.

"I would have helped him…I just stood there. When he woke up…" His voice began to crack as a glass layer of tears covered his eyes "He told them I pushed him…I denied it but no one believed me, not even my parents. The only thing they were thinking was _"We need to get him away from here before he ruins the family name."_"

She bit her lips; there was a burning in her nose. She gazed at him, making him somewhat uneasy.

"You stare at me with those eyes like you don't know who I am. Do you hate me now?"

She shook her head slowly.

"Damn it, can't you see how much it was my fault. It haunts me everyday. The picture of that guy lying there will kill me inside forever. That's why when your brother hit me, I kind of felt like I deserved it…I hate myself for it."

She was still looking at him; there was a small gap between her lips.

"Go ahead! Leave already!" he threw his words right at her. An element of fear presented itself in his disposition.

"Why do you always try to push me away? Don't you think you're good enough for me?"

He took a deep breath "I don't know." He said softly.

"You just said we were made for each other—we dream like one, we take breaths like one, now you're telling me you don't know. Do you think I'm going to run away because of that?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't you. Why would you believe me when everyone else refuses to?"

She laid a hand on his shoulder "Because it is not your fault. It happened, you can't change anything, you can only move on. When I see you I only see someone who wants to be loved. You know I believe in you, stop blaming yourself."

His eyes broadened at the comforting statement. He swallowed back all doubtfulness as she slowly snuck her hands around his waist.

"I don't care…I love you Syaoran." Her tone was soft and childish like.

His eyebrows rose, so it wasn't the first time hearing it but each time she said it, something in him died, resentment perhaps. He could only hold her closer.

"I know I don't always have the answers."

She closed her eyes. "Neither do I."

Her solicitous efforts made a vast difference.

He held her tighter. She felt better knowing the truth, her suspicions and sleepless nights had been put to rest. It was a bitter sweet moment; there was a glint of pain in her heart. After everything she could not find the nerve to tell him the real reason she was crying the day they first met or why the blue envelop in her bag meant so much to her, why it was all a secret.

………………………….

A/N: R&R plz, not much I can say about this chapter. I think it's alright, long though so sry if they are any errors. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE..:) bye


	13. Memories of December

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 13

**Memories of December**

Yelan watched her son from the corner of her eye confused and slightly afraid. Her eyes followed him as he sat at the table and ate his cereal. He was unusually early and in a good mood. She tightened the grip she had on her coffee mug and arched an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked casually.

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?" a smile went up to her amber eyes.

He chuckled to himself "No need to make such a big deal out of it mother, I'm only early, Sakura and I are going to school together."

She held her hand to her heart and nearly choked on her coffee "You…you just called me mother, you haven't called me that since you were…." Her eyes went up to the ceiling then she looked at him "13 years old."

He finished his meal and before he could leave, Yelan grinned "So I heard Sakura's voice coming from your room last night."

His eyes narrowed to her direction then he dismissed her "Uh, yeah." His cheeks turned red.

"Don't forget, you're spending Christmas with your father."

He nodded his jaw tightening. She just had to remind him; it's not like he hated his father. When people, and by people I mean Sakura asked him, he'd mutter angrily "It's not that I hate the guy, I just don't like him." Syaoran felt like after the divorce, his father tries too hard to impress him that he forgets what matters most.

Their conversation early that morning was filled with holes, lines of communication did not exist between the two.

"When you come back to Hong Kong we can spend some quality time together." He said cheerfully to Syaoran who thought _"Don't give me that bullshit; you're only going to leave me home alone with that tramp you call a girlfriend." _

"We're going to go skiing and I bet your dieing to know what I got you for Christmas." He said with laughter in between, Syaoran thought _"Yeah right, you mean you're going to go skiing and I bet you got me another expensive car, what the hell am I going to do with another car when I don't even have a license anymore." _

The words that cut his throat though were "Roxanne and I are engaged to be married."

Syaoran's jaw dropped, his mother would have a cow if she was to hear of it. Syaoran wanted to punch the wall; instead he held it in and simply said "oh."

In his mind it meant _"Are you serious! You can't do this, you'll break mom's heart and I don't want our family to be more separated than it already is."_

He held it all inside, every thought, every word. Around his mother, it was his initiative to look unfazed so that she would not suspect that something wasn't right. It was not his responsibility to tell her but his fathers.

………………………………

He stood in front of her house afraid of the demon being, also known as Touya Kinomoto. He watched the snow covered pavement and looked up at the baby blue front door. All of the sudden it opened and out came the "being". He glared up at Syaoran.

"Hey boy!"

Syaoran frowned then pointed at himself "Are you…are you talking to me?"

"Course I'm talking you, come here now." Touya demanded.

Syaoran heaved a sigh of frustration then walked nervously to the front door. His cheek was prepared to be punched, his wrist was ready to be crushed and his nose was prepared for severe damage.

He felt like he was on a short walk to meeting his maker.

"What is it?" he asked sounding annoyed.

"Are you waiting for Sakura?"

He pointed a finger at Touya and constructed what was supposed to be a serious face "You bet your ass I am waiting for her and there is noting you can do about it. In fact I…" he paused when his eyes met Touya's, a sudden fear numbed his limbs.

Touya looked down at Syaoran's finger which he immediately withdrew "Give me a break, if you're going to punch me, you might as well get on with it. I can't be late for school."

"I'm not…I'm not going to punch you. Come in."

Syaoran's jaw dropped as a suspicious gaze darkened his features. He followed Touya in and shut the door.

"Do you care about my sister?" Touya asked sounding like a concerned parent.

"Yes, more than anyone." He said calmly.

"I don't want you to ever break her heart, she's an amazing person and she's had enough heartache as it is with her mother not being around."

Syaoran nodded.

"If you hurt her, you are going to regret the day you were born."

Syaoran nodded harder this time.

"I mean it and I'm only doing this for her. She won't talk to me and I know if this keeps up, I might loose her."

"So you'll let me date her."

Touya had to strain his eyes, he looked away and muttered "Sure, whatever. You've been doing it without my consent anyway…just don't…don't hurt her." He repeated.

Syaoran would never forgive himself if he was to hurt her. Her pain is infectious, he'd feel it too if it was to happen.

"I won't." he said blankly though the thought of it killed him.

"I mean it brat."

Sakura ran into the foyer and grabbed her coat from the coat hanger "Let's go Syaoran." She held his hand, opened the door and pulled him out.

"Wait here." She said immediately running back into the house.

"Touya!" She started in a bitter tone "I heard everything you said to Syaoran, I can't believe you told him that." Her tone was softer with every word.

"Oh…" he was embarrassed. It was the first time hearing her talk to him in weeks. He smirked then looked at her "Be careful, I trust Syaoran will take care of you. I know you sneak out of bed every night, you're barely in your room and it scares me not to know where you are and…" Touya stopped when Sakura hugged him.

"Thank you." She said softly.

……………………………..

Sakura made it a priority that day to regain her position as head cheerleader. She spoke to a few cheerleaders and asked them about their opinion on the matter.

"She promoted herself." A cheerleader from a lower grade told her in the court yard "Don't tell her I told you so and ever since she took over, we do same cliché routines."

Sakura nodded with a smile. "I won't."

Before she could walk away the girl grabbed her shoulders and gave her a quick shake "We miss you, all of us and I don't care what people say about you. What I know is that you're a nice person and Syaoran is really cute, you look good together."

Sakura smiled even more and flushed coyly.

It was the same with all the other cheerleaders, it seemed like none of them had anything against her and they wanted her back. Sakura took this information to the office and asked the principle if the cheerleaders could vote for who they want to be head cheerleader.

"I don't see what you girls are arguing about. This was your last season. You'll be busy with exams, and prom and graduation year. A week from now all senior cheerleaders will be forced to retire."

It made sense; there was just no point of it. Sakura began to feel like she had wasted her time. She had more important things to do like think of what she was going to get Syaoran for Christmas, after all he was leaving in two weeks. She was disappointed when he told her that they were not going to spend Christmas together.

"Why don't you knit him a scarf?" Tomoyo suggested that afternoon as they strolled through the park.

"No, I'm horrible at that." Sakura bit pulled off her gloves.

As Sakura pondered on the answer to that question, Tomoyo spotted Eriol and Syaoran approaching them. She gently taped Sakura on the shoulder and said smiling "Look whose coming our direction."

Sakura looked up and smiled when Tomoyo moved closer for a near whisper "And he's with that guy."

"Come on, he's not as weird as you think he is. He only acts the way he does around you because he's…" Sakura bit her tongue, _'I can't believe I almost told her_' she thought then giggled nervously at Tomoyo "…constantly constipated."

Tomoyo made a face choosing not to ask anymore questions.

When the boys approached them, Syaoran pulled Sakura a distance away from Tomoyo and Eriol. He held her hands and looked into her eyes; happiness was something he was starting to get used to.

"So…since I'm leaving soon, I got you something." His cheeks turned red.

Sakura pulled her hand to scratch her cheek then nodded. Inside she thought _"Oh no, he beat me to it, what am I going to give him?" _

He fumbled in the pocket of his trousers then took out a silver ring. He held it between his fingers "I wanted it in a fancy box but the store was closed before I could get one."

Her eyes widened and her face smiled "A ring…"

He slipped it around her index finger "A promise ring, look at it properly."

'_Syaoran and Sakura, together 4ever.'_ The words were carved.

"You can get a necklace and wear it around your neck…it will make me happy, as long as you have it on."

She gave him a bear hug, a warm feeling of happiness invading her soul "But I have nothing for you." She said frantic.

"It's fine, I can wait."

Meanwhile Eriol and Tomoyo walked alongside each other. Eriol was trying to act relaxed in his disposition.

"The snow, it reminds me of you." He said his cheeks turning red. His azure eyes watched the snow flakes.

She looked at him "So what do you plan to do after high school?" It was like she purposely ignored his compliment.

"I'm going to Oxford University; I'm planning on studying law."

She arched an eyebrow impressed "Law? That must mean you're really smart huh?"

Red streaks crawled up to his face "I wouldn't go that far; I take my studies seriously."

"Then what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school right now?"

"I left a week earlier, we don't write exams till next year."

Tomoyo looked at him "Lucky you."

As she attempted to take a step ahead she slipped and just when she was ready to take a painful fall, he caught her. His arms were fastened around her as his eyes met hers. Tomoyo forced herself to break free muttering "Thanks, that's so embarrassing."

Suddenly she slipped and fell this time. A giggle escaped his throat which soon vanished smoothly.

Tomoyo cried out "Ouch, my leg."

He crouched "Does it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts" she pouted.

He took her hand and helped her up. He forced her hand around his shoulder as she stood uncomfortably on one leg. They saw that Syaoran and Sakura were caught up in their own world so decided to go straight to Syaoran's house. As he helped her on the way there he said to her "I'm not as weird as you think I am."

"What makes you think I think that about you?"

"Your friend, Sakura told me that."

Tomoyo growled "Oh that Sakura. She says you're rude and full of yourself."

"Do you really think I am?"

"I don't know. You're quiet but when you speak it's always some smart remark that gives people the impression you are rude and arrogant."

"But, I swear I'm not. I only treated Sakura the way I did because I thought she was one of Syaoran's weekly girlfriends, I didn't know he was that serious about her. I would have done things differently. And those other things I said, I shouldn't have. That day you refused to give me the time of day, it got me thinking that maybe I let all this money stuff get to my head."

Tomoyo listened attentively but said nothing.

When they reached the house, she sat on the living room couch as he crouched at her feet.

"Is it this leg?" he asked slowly pulling her leg up. She nodded feeling the pain even more. He pulled off her boot and sock. She chuckled at the feel of his soft hand on her bare foot. Her foot was red, cold and he tried to warm it with his hands. He cupped his hands around the heel of her foot.

Her cheeks turned red then she murmured "That's harassment."

He looked at her startled "Is it?"

She nodded then smiled at him as he slowly pulled away.

He looked into her eyes—it was something unusual for him, he always found it hard to look "straight" into _their_ eyes.

"So I'm leaving for China and I'll be going back to England from there on."

She kept her eyes fixated on him, the more she stared into his face, the more nervous she became. She slowly looked aside and murmured "Oh."

She then felt his fingers on her chin. He gently pushed her face his direction "I wish I met you earlier."

She swallowed hard. He forced her closer to his face without her noticing until it was too late.

"We can't, you must wait for us to grow more accustomed to each other."

He shook his head "I'm not very patient." His breath was on her lips "If I don't do this now, I'll leave wondering what it would have been like."

Tomoyo slowly closed her eyes and their lips met. It lasted half a second then he pulled away slowly.

"When will you come back?" she asked her face looking like an overripe tomato. The strange thing about it all was that the pain in her leg had disappeared.

"Spring."

She sighed. She started to believe that she did like Eriol. She was trying to adjust to the speed in which things were going.

…………………………………….

It felt like a long lonely winter, first Christmas without her father. She was to visit him on Christmas Eve but a snow storm broke out and she was left stranded in the house. On some days she went to the mall with Tomoyo who would peer through the windows of the clothes shops and look at the manikins "What were they thinking matching such horrible colors!" she would complain. They'd catch a movie then sit hopelessly in front of the television screen at her house. Another holiday special…argh.

"Syaoran called?" Tomoyo asked late December.

"Not this week." Sakura said blankly, what was the point of fussing on whether he called or not. She missed him but was aware of his busy schedule.

"Look at the bright side; he'll be here in a week."

She nodded and smiled. She played with the ring around the chain around her neck then look at the TV screen.

"Do you like Eriol?"

Tomoyo threw a cushion at Sakura "No…we're just friends who talk a lot on the phone. Besides I hate long distant relationships."

"I know what to get Syaoran for Christmas!" Sakura jumped out of her seat.

Another week went by and the only commotion then was bumping into Chiharu at her favorite CD store. It turned out that they were looking for the same CD and there was only one left in store. They lashed out at each other until Chiharu gave up saying…

"I don't really like the band anyway; they're corny and so yesterday."

Finally he came back. The day of his arrival, Sakura waited anxiously in front of his house. She sat on his door step with a puppy in her hands. A spaniel. She played with it before she saw a car enter the driveway. She stood up and held the puppy closer to her chest. The door opened and Syaoran ran out.

She stood still and watched him adoringly as he came to her. Suddenly he slipped and fell on his back. She ran up to him and crouched looking at him with a tiny smirk on her face.

"Hi?" she said looking into his face.

"Hey." The puppy escaped her arms and landed on his chest. He flinched then giggled "Who's this?"

"Kero, your new puppy."

He smiled at her then giggled once more as the puppy barked and licked his face.

Later that evening, he joined his mother in the kitchen where she was preparing dinner. He ambled to the counter and slipped his hands in his pockets.

"So how was it at Sakura's?"

"Weird…her brother is actually being nice to be. Though he glares at me every now and then it's…weird."

She smiled "That's nice, I like Sakura. She even came to visit me when you were gone. Maybe because she saw I was by myself?"

"Huh? Where's Anthony?"

"Gone." She said her face turning away from his. It was obvious that she had been crying.

"Gone as in never coming back?" She nodded then looked at Syaoran; she plastered an award wining smile "It's just you and I from now on."

Syaoran nodded, he was slightly relieved that Anthony was gone. Having your mother date someone only few years older than you wasn't exactly something one would be psyched about.

"So I hear your father is marrying that whore Roxanne."

Syaoran laughed at the sudden change of tone "Yep, I wanted to tell you but I thought it was his responsibility to."

"He didn't, your sister told me." She anchored her hands on the counter "How is he? Did she treat you well? Did he?" she asked softly.

"He's fine. Yeah, the house has been redecorated. It looks horrible, I can't stand those stupid porcelain dolls she has all over the place." Syaoran clenched his fist, of course all this was to make his mother feel better, and he figured that they could hate her together. At least they would be bonding.

"Did he keep his promises?"

Syaoran scratched the back of his neck and nodded "Yep."

Her reaction was not a surprised; his father asked him the same questions. She was a strong woman and his marriage was not going to last, Syaoran thought. He her watched for a while and thought of all the changes. Now that Eriol had gone back to school in England and Anthony and his mother broke up, he felt it would be immature to be such a burden to her.

…………………………..

At the beginning, the year presented itself to be less complicated and it appeared like all the drama toned down. With exams and school events in the way, it seemed to pass by quickly. The conflict between Sakura and Chiharu was left in mid air, unresolved. No matter how hard Chiharu tried, Sakura did not have any trouble climbing back on top. She was still Tomedea High's Sweet Heart.

Tomoyo saw Eriol during mid-term break. She was reluctant to speak to him but he kept calling and following her.

"I know I owe you and explanation…the truth is I lost my phone." He told her. "I have been thinking about our date and you and…I want another chance."

"Another chance, I'm almost sure you have many girlfriends who…"

"I go to a boy's boarding school; girls aren't exactly on the menu." He interrupted.

She turned her face away "I know we haven't gone out or anything but I hate this long distance thing."

"I came all the way from England to see you for one week. I mean it. Even if we're not going out, I still want to be around you as much as I possibly can."

And she gave in. They kept in strictly friendship.

For Syaoran and Sakura the changes were only beginning. Sakura was thrilled that their relationship had been going smoothly but one thing couldn't escape her mind. Syaoran did not bring it up; every now and then he hinted it and she'd simply ignore him. It was not fair making him wait.

She looked through Nakuru's dresser drawer. She looked in the bathroom cabinet. She ran her hands through her hair frustrated. The only thing she feared was being caught. Her fear prevailed when Nakuru was standing at the door staring suspiciously at her.

"And what are you doing?"

Sakura chuckled nervously "Uh, nothing."

She held a tiny cube container in her hand with pills inside. "Looking for this?"

Sakura's cheeks turned red "How…how did you know?" she was coy and withdrawn in her disposition.

"Instinct."

"I'd dead broke otherwise I would have gone to the pharmacy to get the birth control pills on my on…Please don't tell Touya, if he knew I was even thinking about it."

"Relax, I won't. You're old enough to make your own decision."

Sakura sat on the bed and looked down "I love him and sometimes he backs away when it gets intense between us when we're making out. Sometimes I feel like it's coming between us. The fact that we can't do anything more than kiss and hold hands. I want to be closer to him." Her face was hot red. Her thoughts were mixed up.

Nakuru threw the container at her "Here, but don't tell your brother I gave those to you. I guess even if I didn't you'd still go ahead with it."

She smiled "Thanks."

"I'm not going to need them in eight months anyway."

Sakura gasped "You're pregnant?"

She nodded. Sakura ran to hug Nakuru "Have you told Touya."

"I can't, this is not what we needed right now. We barely have enough to get a bigger place. I skipped a week and…"

"Everything will be fine."

…………………………………

Syaoran on the other hand was dealing with what was bound to be the one thing that would tear them apart—college. He did not have any plans for it and he assured Sakura that he was not going anywhere. That he would follow her where ever she decides to go. That suddenly changed when he received a letter from Oxford University confirming his acceptance in the University for a Degree in architecture. His mother had secretly applied for him earlier that year. She recalled he had a passion for it before the mix up at Wally Range Academy For Boys. His eyes widened as he stared startled at the letter.

"It pays to have good grades doesn't it?" his mother said proud of him.

The only thing that was going through his mind was how much he wanted to go there now. Eriol was already going there and so did his father. He smiled then frowned "What about Sakura."

"It's high school love, haven't you been thinking about the future?"

"Mom, it's more than that…I really love her. More than you'll ever know, I don't think I can do this." He threw the letter on the table.

"But….she's following her dreams right. Isn't she moving this summer to live with her father then from there on she's going to study journalism at Tokyo University?"

He nodded painfully "Did you expect to go there? You haven't even applied. You need to decide what your future will be. Did you think you were going to marry her?" She said sounding a little uncompassionate.

"Marry her." The words triggered something in him. He later looked out the window, it was quiet. He could hear the owls and the trees blow in the wind. He thought about everything they had been through from the day they met to the first thing he said to her. He closed his eyes and pictured the look on her face, the tears in her eyes and that feeling of just wanting to protect and love her. She broke the ice that surrounded his heart, she changed his life miraculously and it had been almost 10 months since they met. They had small arguments but they never broke up and always called each other to apologies. He loved her so much it was overwhelming and it scared him.

"Marry her." He murmured to himself. He took a deep breath and thought. A soft smile brushed his lips "I'll ask her to marry me."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A/N: (-.-! slightly disappointed how this turned out) I'm sorry people if you think I rushed things through but I can only afford two more chapters after this one on the count of, I'm starting University in a couple of weeks and I just don't want to leave this story unfinished because I've had great support. I don't want to create something ever done and destroy the pace of the story. This is not going to be easy so bare with me. I'm thankful for all reviews…though more would have been great too. (Reviewiesiholic 0.o) If I could have done something different, maybe I would have given Eriol and Tomoyo a better love story. Emphasis more on Touya and Sakura's relationship—maybe I still can and tons of other stuff.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	14. Voices

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does

DefineSanity  
Chapter 14

**Voices**

He held tightly unto her hand and led her through the rocky surface. He pulled her closer each time she fell back. He looked back at her to make sure she was alright. She was obviously startled by his latest request to take her to Lake Azuna late on a Saturday night. He left her no time to tell her brother where she was going or when she would be back. He led her to the lake side and stared up at the horizon. The sun had set and stillness surrendered to the night.

"It's beautiful." She commented sincerely. She was confused, he kept telling her that he had something important to ask her and that was it.

She thought about it, could it be that he wanted to ask her if they could….she shook the thought and took a deep breath as a nervous feeling overcame her.

"You're nervous." He said feeling her hand quiver under his grip.

"It's just that, you still haven't told me what we're doing here."

He grabbed her shoulders like he always did when he was trying to reassure her about something. "I was thinking, it would be um….romantic." he paused then looked at the beautiful scenery "If we spent the night here…together." He swallowed hard.

The word _"together"_ hit hard, was this it. Was this going to be the night? Her cheeks turned red and her feet felt like jelly.

"Stay here, I'll go get the blankets and food and we can start a fire. I think this is the most beautiful place we can be right now." He smiled at her.

She shot him a nervous grin. He rushed away before she could offer a helping hand. She looked up at the lake and told herself _"Don't be nervous, it's no big deal…wait it is! It's now or never and it has to be him." _

When he returned, they found a smooth spot not too far from the shoreline. They gathered a few logs and lit a fire. They sat around it, while he spoke and frequently kissed her face. She was silent. Her body was trying to co-ordinate with her mind.

She shifted close to him then managed to look him in the eye. The stars above were in them. Her gaze shifted and she looked up at the lake. A silence dispersed and he lost her to the night.

The plan was to pop the question at midnight; he secretly looked at the clock on his phone. It was breathtaking to have her in his arms like that. He secured his grip "You're not yourself. You're so quiet."

She looked into his eyes once more, confusion in her emerald eyes. She gave him a weak smile and said softly "I'm ready."

Perplexed, he stroked her hair "Ready for what?"

She kissed him on the lips then slowly pulled away so she could look him in the eye "To take our relationship to the next level, it's been almost eleven months and I don't want it to be anyone else."

_So, she's ready for marriage too_, he thought when suddenly her lips grabbed his. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pushed her tiny frame against his so hard that he fell on his back and she came on top of him.

She broke the kiss momentarily and sat up with her legs on both sides of his hips. He chuckled still a little confused. She took off her coat then her hands fumbled with the first button of his shirt.

"Saku…Sakura…are you sure about this?" he asked finally reading the lines of communication that were muffled at first.

She nodded unbuttoning each button slowly. He sat up and helped her force his shirt off. He held her face close to his and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I love you." The words came out slow and unexpected. His lips barely moved when he said it "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it but I really do that, I hope you know that."

"I've always known it." She kissed him once more.

…………………………

Syaoran was fast asleep; her eyes had been open all along. She could not sleep, an overbearing feeling she couldn't shake took control of her. She shuddered beside his skin.

"_I shouldn't be feeling this way, should I? I'm not suppose to be crying, what if he hears me? But why do I feel like this should have never happen, I probably was not as ready as I thought I was. Wait a minute…it was bound to happen right and I love him but why do I still feel like something has been taken away from me." _

Syaoran slowly opened his eyes, when he felt Sakura's bare body still clung to his he sighed and the words that immediately crossed his mind were _"This was a disaster."_

"Uh, Sakura." He hesitated.

She buried her face in his bare chiseled chest; she did not want him to see the tears that were burning her eyes.

"Yes." She said clearing her throat.

He could feel her tears as she rubbed her face against his chest. He looked down at her and muttered "nothing."

Sakura sat up and pulled the blanket over her chest. "I better get dressed."

He nodded "Of course."

He coyly turned his face aside while she searched for her clothing in the dirt. Each piece of clothing was taken off hastily but awaited to be worn strategically. She put her clothes back on and secretly wiped away the tears that refused to retreat. He sat on the ground in his boxer shorts and snuck a sideways glance. She was fully clothed now but he still felt embarrassed.

He moved closer to the fire and she sat a short distance from him. He threw leaves into the flame, a deepening silence swallowing them.

Suddenly he heard her cries. She sniffed and wiped her face. He watched for a second before shifting closer to her.

"Sakura, I….don't cry. I'm sorry."

She tried to talk; she tried to look at him but failed. He cautiously enveloped his hands around her.

"Why are you crying?" he hesitated once more.

"No…it's not you."

He looked at her remorse growing in his eyes. He couldn't help but feel he was the one to blame.

"Then why?"

"I…I don't know."

Her reply was not good enough. It did not ease the rumbling beat of his heart. He pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around her. He rested his head on her shoulder and muttered.

"I'm sorry that you did not like it…you probably regret it."

She said nothing.

Syaoran thought about the ring in the back pocket of his trousers. This was not the time.

………………………

Sunday afternoon, Sakura and Tomoyo sat at a table next to the window at Clover Café. She played with her bendy straw and poked the remains of her strawberry milkshake at the bottom of the glass. She felt herself sinking and her heart ached.

"I can't believe it. It was not suppose to be a catastrophe. When two people who are in love and passionate about each other make love for the first time…it's supposed to be beautiful and memorable. It makes me wrinkle my nose and hide my face because I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed because it didn't go the way I wanted it to."

Tomoyo looked at Sakura "It couldn't have been **that** bad."

Sakura finally looked up "It was windy, the ground was hard and uncomfortable and there were damn mosquitoes everywhere. I thought I was clueless but he was no better. I was nervous, I kept thinking about the pain and you know what, it hurt. I cried and I guess that made him more nervous."

"It was your first time; I hear they are usually horrible. Next time things might go better."

She sighed "There won't be a next time. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable. We were like two pickles in a small pickle jar. He saw it was a disaster too. We barely spoke after it happened. I don't think I can look him in the eye."

"So you wish you didn't do it?"

"I don't know right now, I just feel horrible."

The door opened and in walked Syaoran and Takashi, his teammate from the basketball team. Sakura hid her face behind the menu and looked away.

"Oh no, he's here. What must I do? He'll want to talk about it and I don't want to."

Tomoyo looked over her shoulder then back at Sakura "Stop being such a coward. He's your boyfriend; you're going have to face him eventually.

"I can't." Sakura slipped under the table. "If he comes here, tell him you haven't seen me."

Tomoyo rolled her eyes "Fine, I still think you're being silly.

Syaoran approached the table with Takashi. He looked at Tomoyo "Hi, Where's Sakura?"

Tomoyo bit her tongue "Uh…not here?"

Under the table, Sakura tried to sit comfortably. If only there was a table cloth. She withdrew her head and ended up hitting it against the table.

"Hoe.." she squealed.

Syaoran looked under the table "What you doing?"

Sakura laughed nervously "I lost my…fork."

He arched an eyebrow and watched her rise to her seat. She waved her hand and grinned at Takashi "Oh, hi there Takashi. Haven't seen you in awhile."

Takashi smiled "hey."

Syaoran looked at her with serious intent. He told her with his eyes that they needed to talk.

"Let's go outside."

She slowly stood up and he allowed her to walk past him then he followed her. They sat between the tables outside. She leaned against a brick wall and watched him attentively.

His face was red when he approached her. He positioned his hand against the wall beside her head. He moved his face over hers and kissed her lush lips. It was merely an experimental kiss, selected pacifically to prove a point. She did not hesitate to break the kiss. The kiss had no meaning and she did not want it.

"Don't you want me to kiss you?"

She turned her head aside "I do, it's just that….not here and now."

"You can't even look me in the eyes. How many times must I say I'm sorry before you forgive me? I've managed not to bring you to tears till last night. It broke my heart to see you in so much pain."

She said nothing; it was like she was numb. How could she possibly find the words to explain what she was feeling in her heart?

"My first time wasn't great either. It was horrible." He tried to consol her.

She was still quiet. His statement only told her that there were others before her.

"Sakura! When will you talk to me? We can't let this hang."

"This is harder for me."

"I know."

"I wanted to make it great but I was so scared to hurt you."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and stared at the open road. He tried to hug her but she did not hug him back.

"We'll finish this later." She smiled and quickly walked back into the café.

He wanted to punch something, he was angry at her for making him feel like it was his fault. She did not want to resolve it, he was trying to be understanding but he could feel his patience leaving him. He walked back into the dinner then left suddenly with Takashi.

"What's wrong with you? She broke your heart?"

Syaoran walked fast "I just don't understand her. I said I'm sorry. She says she loves me but she's so angry that I'm the one who took her virginity." The words slipped by accident.

Takashi blushed and muttered "Congratulations, you've lived every guy's fantasy. You should have seen this coming, in any relationship where deep feelings are involved someone is bound to get hurt."

"That doesn't apply for us. I need to get this off my mind or I am going to explode." He said a little more relaxed.

So he did what he would have done months before. He went to a liquor store with Takashi and used his fake ID to buy alcohol. They snuck it to the school premises and headed for the soccer field.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Takashi asked as they climbed over the gates.

"I've done this before. We can't go at my house, my mother is probably home and besides this is more fun."

"If you insist."

Takashi watched Syaoran get drunk and kick the bins furiously. He was laughing and saying stupid things at first then the conversation stirred to Sakura.

"I'm leaving, and I just might loose her for good." He said in a hoarse tone. "I love her so much it's killing me."

He threw an empty green bottle on the field "I'm furious because everything is not well between us and I want her to marry me. She might say no."

Takashi's jaw dismantled as his eyes widened "You…are you serious."

"You bet your ass I am. I want to be with her **forever**."

Takashi laughed believing it was the alcohol talking.

"I've got an idea; let's go see her right now." Syaoran suggested his head trying to keep balance.

Takashi shook his head "I don't think that's such a good idea, do you really want her to see you like this."

Syaoran stood up trying hard to stand up straight "See I'm fine and very sober." He cackled loudly.

"Let's get out of here before someone catches us."

……………………………

Footsteps hit the floor as an excited Sakura rushed for the front door. She was anxious to see Syaoran; she assumed that it was him. She realized that she had been harsh on him and she had misled him. It wasn't like she was blaming him; she regretted not assuring that to him. She allowed shame to hide what was truly in her heart.

"_I'll tell him everything, how sorry I am, how much I love him. Everything that happened last night is still special to me because it happened with him."_

She opened the door and the smile on her face slowly faded. Syaoran was looking at her with Takashi behind him. The smell instantly tickled her nose but she chose to deny it.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

With a slight node she said yes.

Before she could close the door Takashi stood outside with his hands in his pocket "Your boyfriend has lost his sanity."

Sakura looked at Syaoran then back at Takashi "What?"

"He's drunk and I really have to get home. He wanted to come here."

Sakura shook her head and the two bid their goodbyes.

She ambled to the living room where he was sitting on the couch humming a song. She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Oh, how mature. The first time things go wrong between us you turn to beer for comfort."

He eyed her from his semi open eyes. "Is your brother home?"

"No." Sakura felt ignored.

"Good, I have something to ask you. Well, it's supposed to be romantic. I wanted to ask you last night but you decided to give me your virginity last night so that idea came to halt so here it goe…"

"We have school tomorrow morning, what are you thinking?" She interrupted her face turned crimson.

"Damn woman, will you let me finish my proposal."

Her eyebrows rose strategically, _"proposal?" _"What are you talking about?"

"I love you Sakura, I love you so much it makes me want to puke." He chuckled.

Sakura consumed a look of revulsion that failed to blend with the happiness in her eyes.

"I love you when you're happy; I love you when you're sad. I love you when you cry, I love you when you're mad and you won't tell me what you're feeling inside. I love you when you come knocking on my window with your hair all messy. I love you in your cheerleading uniform; I'd love you in rugs. You make me happy and I never want this feeling to end."

Sakura clamped her hand over her mouth as tears of happiness filled her eyes. Suddenly he knelt on one knee. This was when Sakura took a step back.

"What…what are you doing?"

"Will you marry me?"

She took another step back.

……………

…..

"You don't mean that, you're drunk." She stuttered.

"No, I planned this a long time ago. I even have a ring. it's a replica of the real thing. " he searched his front and back pockets "Oh shit, I thought it was here, looks like it's in the pocket of the trousers I wore yesterday. Anyway, marry me."

She shook her head nervously "We're still in high school."

"High school will be over in four weeks. We'll get married and we'll live in England and…"

"England?" she interrupted.

"Yeah, I've been accepted at Oxford and…"

"I'm going to Tokyo U." she interrupted once more.

"But you can change, don't you want us to be together?" he stood up.

"I do, I thought you were staying here, with me."

"In a couple of weeks you're going to live with your father, my father is marrying Roxanne in a few months so I have to leave. After that I have to go to Oxford. I've always wanted this." He stood up.

"It's my dream to go to Tokyo U, I can't afford to go to Oxford and besides, it's too late for me to apply."

"I'll ask my father to take care of the expenses and it's not too late, he knows people. Remember when I said we should travel the world together, we can do it now."

She shuddered "I just can't."

"Are you saying no?" he asked frown lines on his face.

"No…I don't know."

He grabbed her wrist "You need to tell me now. I need you, I'm lost without you."

"Syaoran,"

He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her so hard she flinched. "Don't say no."

The smell of alcohol in his breath made her pull her face away.

"Syaoran you're hurting me." She said between clenched teeth.

He let her go and watched the tears in her eyes.

"Has my love led you to insanity? I love you Syaoran but we both had dreams before we met and right now I don't know. I want to be with you but if we move too fast, it might just be disastrous." She ambled to the chair and threw herself on it.

"It won't" he said approaching her.

She looked into his eyes "Where would we live?"

"We can get an apartment next to my University." He leaned over her balancing his hands on the couch, each hand on the side of her head. She looked up as his body overshadowed her face.

"I can't."

"You can't or you won't?"

She said nothing.

"Have you noticed how hard it's always for you to make up your mind? I've always felt free around you; the floor below me disappears when I'm around you. I've told you every one of my secrets. There is nothing you don't know about me…but you, there is so much more about you I don't really know. I don't know about your past, about your mother and why you insist I'd not see that envelop in your bag. The thing has been there for almost a whole year now, are you that scared of the truth?"

"You don't know anything." She held her last breath and bit her lip.

"Only because you won't tell me. I might be drunk but I know exactly what I'm talking about."

Sakura said nothing. A tear drop fell from his eye and landed on her forehead. Another tear dripped on her lips. She could taste the anguish. Her heart was pounding in his hands as tears overflowed her own eyes. The pain felt too real, he slowly retreated. He watched her for what felt like the longest while then he left.

Even when he was gone his presence still lingered. She stayed in the same position he left her until she felt free to break the chains around her eyes and cry.

……………………….

The next time their eyes met was in a crowded room. The rapid chaos had become her reality. He swiftly looked at her then turned away as they entered the hall for assembly. She felt goose bumps on her spine. For some reason looking at him only brought her pain. Her tears were all that was left of yesterday.

Syaoran was a brilliant actor. He smiled and walked around the school premises with a look of content.

"_What did he expect me to say?" _She thought standing at the main entrance after school "_Now he won't talk to me…oh Syaoran why?"_ Lonely words whispered to her.

He walked past her and she took the opportunity grab his hand. He stopped walking; he did not look at her.

"I hope you're as happy as you're pretending." Words stuck to her throat.

"I can't talk to you right now." A transparent layer sheltered his eyes.

"Is this it? Is this your way of telling me it's over?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**A/N: I just love intense chapters, their so fun to write. I hope this makes up for the last chapter. So, I only have one chapter to go and I'd be so happy if this story made it to 200 reviews. So please, please review. Bye **


	15. The last song

Disclaimer: I do not own card captors clamp does and the song is by maroon 5- 'won't go home without you'

DefineSanity  
Chapter 15

**The last song**

He looked at her, a softening depth in his eyes. She tugged unto his blazer like a child would.

"Please, we really need to talk." she suggested.

He nodded agreeably "Fine, let's get out of here."

She tried to figure out the connotation in his tone but was unsuccessful. She followed him up on the roof. He stood close to the edge and stared ahead as his hair blew in the wind. He had his hands in his pocket and an expression so serious there were tight lines of irritation on his face.

"I don't want to break up with you."

Sakura slowly smiled "Really?" she said in a sweet tone.

"I'm trying my best to believe that you refused my proposal because you need more time."

He averted his gaze at her and took out a ring from the pocket of his blazer. He grabbed her hand and gently placed the ring in her palm.

"I **need** you take this."

Sakura stared at the silver diamond ring, it was beautiful, she would have loved it if she was intending on marrying him. She took a step back and slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry but I will not marry you." She said trying to sound as sympathetic as possible. She held the ring between her fingers "If you think me marrying you will be proof of my love then you're wrong."

He shook his head "I need you to keep it!"

"It doesn't make sense. It's not like the promise ring you gave me, it's an engagement."

"I know that! I told you, I thought it through and if you only saw things my way, you'd see I'm only trying to save us. If you have any better ideas, spill them out!"

She crouched and placed the ring on the floor. She took a step back and sheepishly smiled "We can see each other on holidays and you can visit me."

His eyes were fixed on the ring on the floor then he looked at her "But you don't get it, it won't be the same. I don't want to go through those things where we become complete strangers. Time separates, things will change."

"If we believe that what we have is real then it will come back. Time can't kill it."

He bend down to pick up the ring then he placed it in his pocket "You don't seem to be bothered that we might not see each other for months."

"No, that's not it."

He bit his lower lip for a second "Oh really?"

She nodded.

"Then I don't see the point of us seeing each other. I'm loosing you Sakura and you're fine with it. I can't force you to do anything but I don't think I'll be able to hold myself around you." He took out the ring from his pocket once more "…and this, let's just forget about this." He threw it in a far distance "let's forget about us and everything we have." His voice carried volumes of meaning. His eyes were burning holes in her.

She growled "Is this how you really want it to end? I can't talk to you when you're like this." She ran past him and made her way down stairs. Tears were in her eyes and she could not stop running.

She slowed down when she reached the hallway on the second floor. She mopped away the tears then closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, Chiharu was standing in front of her with her hands across her chest.

"You're needed in the gym; they need you to help them get a band for prom." Her tone emphasized discomfort, she sounded like each word was choking her.

"I can't, I need to get home." She paused and with a cheerless sigh she pushed Chiharu aside "Will you get out of my way please."

Chiharu rolled her eyes "I've been looking for you for nearly half an hour, I don't need this."

"I don't care, besides after all you did to me, what the hell makes you think I'll go anywhere with you."

Chiharu grabbed Sakura's hand "I'm not the one looking for you! The other girls are. Apparently you did a great job organizing the entertainment for the fair and they need your ideas."

"What?"

"Did I stu stu stutter? They sent me to look for you." Chiharu enhanced her ferocity with an almost perpetual snarl.

"Let me go."

"Just come."

Sakura struggled to escape Chiharu's grip but when she did, she pushed Chiharu against a nearby locker "Leave me alone."

She took a step back then started to walk away. Chiharu quickly walked passed her and stood in front of her.

"That really hurt you little bitch!"

Sakura thrust Chiharu with both of her hands "Don't call me that! You're the bitch, you pretended to like me all these years and you…from all people betrayed me!"

Chiharu tried to catch her balance as her feet automatically took steps back "You won anyway right. You can now sleep well at night." Chiharu looked into Sakura's eyes then abruptly slapped her on the cheek.

Sakura glared at Chiharu as the pain soared on her left cheek. She growled and pulled Chiharu's hair—from there on came screams, shouts and cries. "Whore!" "Slut!"

Chiharu managed to get the upper hand and slammed Sakura's head against the locker. She looked into Sakura's eyes and muttered "What's the matter with you…I can't believe you're fighting back and you…." Chiharu stopped talking when she saw tears in Sakura's eyes.

She felt the sudden need to comfort her. It came as a major surprise to her considering how much she thought she despised Sakura. She had used Syaoran as an excuse to betray her. The truth was, she was envious of the emerald eyed beauty. She recalled that from the time she met Sakura, she had always been overshadowed as 'the friend'. The less perfect one; the one who is trying but can't do it. The one who can't live up to Sakura's standards. It was like having your skin peeled off yet not feeling the pain. No matter how hard she tried, Sakura was still the ultimate overachiever.

She made up lies about her and used her time trying to find ways to bring her down. Not all of it was about popularity; it was about achievement and feeling like you have a purpose. A time came when she realized that it was not Sakura's fault. It was her fault for not being smart enough, pretty enough and creative—she concluded. By then it was too late, she had already betrayed Sakura and she was too ashamed to apologize. It attacked her like a parasite every single day. If she decided to be nice to Sakura, people would see that she was only a fake.

Tears filled her eyes as she stared at Sakura. Her heart beat like a drum. There were so many things she wanted to tell Sakura.

"I sorry." She muttered.

Sakura looked up "Sorry?"

Chiharu nodded "For everything I've done to you. Sometimes I find it hard to love myself because I'm not like you. You have the whole school at your feet, a boyfriend, great friends and family. The world belongs to you. I'm nothing." She released Sakura and took a step back.

Sakura struggled to catch her breath "That's not true." She muttered underneath warm breath. "My family is not great, it's completely broken and I probably don't have a boyfriend anymore. And great friends, you were my great friends, you, Naoko and Rika. I like the way things were. I was never that open with you guys but your friendship meant the world to me."

"Oh please, you're even good at making people feel sorry for you. It's hard to admit but, I've always been jealous. You might not have seen it that way but I always viewed you as competition. I really wanted to be Head Cheerleader but you beat me to it in junior high. When I ran for class president you beat me two times in a row and made me vice president because you felt sorry for me. You managed to even get a boyfriend and your first kiss before me." She was smiling but there were still tears falling from her eyes.

"But you once said you kissed Takashi and you went out too."

She cleared her throat "I lied; Takashi thinks we're just friends."

"Chiharu, I didn't know you felt that way. You shouldn't, I've always thought you were a great person. You were always there for me and you're the most funniest and down to earth person I know. Syaoran once told me that not everything has to be perfect."

Chiharu hugged Sakura and she hugged back. The girls looked at each other then laughed. Sakura's hair was sticking out and her uniform was all wrinkled up. Chiharu's hair hung loose over her shoulders and her face was red. They decided to walk to the gym together.

"I don't mean to intrude or anything but why were you crying?"

"I think Syaoran just broke up with me." She said biting her words.

"But why?"

"He's leaving and he wants us to be together and he thinks marriage is the only solution. I'm only eighteen years old, I really love him but I don't want to get married now."

"He's impulsive isn't he?"

She nodded "A little. We've been doing horrible; we haven't had a decent conversation since…" she paused as red streaks crawled up to her face.

Chiharu smirked; she sensed what Sakura was trying to say. She pondered for a second then held her hand to her chin "That can't be. You're going to prom with him."

Sakura sighed heavily "That's not happening. I think he's lost his mind or we just don't understand each other the way we used to. I love him and I will miss him, I don't even know if I can live without him but that's not enough for him. He hates me."

"Did he say that?"

"Not exactly."

"You must tell him how you feel. You owe it to him."

"It's too late now and I'm disappointed at how tragic it all turned out."

"That's messed up. Listen, he'll come around. True love always comes back. High school is almost over and prom is coming. Let's make it the time of our lives."

"I don't think I'm going to prom."

Chiharu's eyes were filled with joy "Yes you are." She said excited. She changed her mood in order to cheer Sakura up "If my memory serves me right, you wanted to go as Helen of Sparta. The face that launched a thousand ships which makes Syaoran your Greek lover"

Sakura shook her head "You don't understand I'm not going and Syaoran doesn't like proms anyway. He once told me that he didn't care about social events."

"He's changed hasn't he? I'm going as Juliet and my date—Takashi, if he says yes will be Romeo."

"There is no point. I will not go with anyone else."

"Look, the way I see it, you have three weeks and I'm sure you'll be able to settle it. You and I are friends again so there must be hope for you and Syaoran too."

………………………….

Almost two weeks and four days had passed, two days till prom. It was an unpromising spring; they did not utter a word to each other. It was like they never knew each other at all. She'd spend her days studying for exams and designing her dress for prom with Tomoyo. Words could not describe how much she missed him. She aspired for his company more than anything she had ever known.

She used up endless nights crying, hoping that he would tap on her window and sweep her off her feet. It was her fault too, she was too afraid to approach him. She did not want to see him fearing that their eyes would meet and she would die inside. Sometimes when he was not looking, she would watch him from the corner of her eye. Even when they were in the same room she missed him.

He'd look in the mirror every morning trying to compose the perfect words to tell her. Each time she was near he would get so nervous that sometimes he'd hide from her.

Tomoyo decided to trap him in an empty classroom and investigate what was keeping him from fighting for her.

"I said a lot of thing I shouldn't have said to her. Now will you get out of my way?" He demanded to Tomoyo who was standing in the middle of the door.

"But you love her."

"Yes! I'm leaving after prom night, things are better that way. It would hurt to say goodbye and if we get back together it will only hurt more to leave her."

"Why don't you tell her that!?"

"Because I've hurt her enough, I know she hates me now. I'm the idiot who tried to keep her but only drove her away. I'm surprised her brother hasn't kicked my ass yet." There was desperation in his tone.

"He's busy; he's expecting a baby so he's working overtime." Tomoyo said with a vivid picture of Toya in her mind.

"So how is Sakura?" He's eyes softened.

"She's well, but you know how Sakura can be sometimes."

He smiled at the thought of her "She's probably all smiles, pretending to carry on with her life. She's pretty good at it but I can tell, I can always tell when she's going through something unpleasant."

"You really miss her huh?"

He gently pushed Tomoyo out of the way and smirked "Don't tell her that though. Tell her I still love her."

"You should tell her." Tomoyo could not help but feel sympathy for the couple. She wished she could open his eyes so that he could see that holding back is a mistake. He did not supply a reply.

……………………………….

On the afternoon before the day of Prom, Sakura walked through the empty hallway on the first floor of the school complex. Mrs. Kamiya, the literature teacher had requested to see her concerning her application for journalism at Tokyo University. She stood at the door and before she could twist the door knob, she heard Syaoran's voice coming from the other side. She wanted to walk away at first but found herself drawn to the conversation. She fixed her ear to the door and listened.

"There, I'm done." Syaoran's voice sounded off.

"Thank you for doing this for me and for coming early. You really are good at **it**." Mrs. Kamiya said.

"It's nothing."

"I know you were worried at first about your peers finding out."

"No, it's fine, really. It's my pleasure."

Sakura gasped, "What does she mean by **it**? Oh no, is Syaoran…is Syaoran sleeping with Mrs. Kamiya."

Suddenly the door opened. Syaoran was standing in front of her looking into her eyes. He was puzzled and nervous all at once.

"You were listening?" He asked, his tone emphasized discomfiture.

Sakura took a step back, her mouth was wide open and her feet were shaking "I can't believe you."

She ran off and this time he ran after her. She suddenly disappeared and he was left in an empty hallway by himself.

"_What's wrong with her, did I do something wrong? I didn't say anything that can possibly make her retreat the way she did. Mrs. Kamiya was only thanking me for tutoring her son in mathematics and for setting extra work for him…I don't understand her." _

When he was about to turn away he saw a blue envelop on the floor. A familiar envelop. He had wanted to open it since the minute he saw it. He picked it up. He decided not to read it…at first, so he kept it in his bag the whole day. At night, a different thought crossed his mind.

Questions she left unanswered. The real reason why she was in tears the first time they met. Everything he did not know about her was in that letter. Trying hard to brush off the guilt he opened the envelop. It was not sealed so it would be easy for him to give it back.

_My Daughter Sakura,_

_This letter explains everything. The content in it is the truth. Each word will break you but I've decided to give it to you. As you become a woman, I know that you will wonder about me. You will ask your father why he made you believe I died that day I left home. Do not hate your father for this, it is not his fault. It is mine and I've granted him the right to give you this letter when he feels like you are ready. How does one tell their child that they were not fit to be a mother? That is how it was like for me when I had you. I underwent depression when you were born, I could not stand myself and I could not stand my own child. I could not feed you, hold you in my arms or even look at you. What kind of mother hates her own child? I'd ask myself frequently. I thought things would change after I got help but nothing did. I would spend endless hours trying to avoid you and your brother. Your father tried his best. I am not proud of myself. I pushed everyone away including your father. You believed I was dead because I'm barely in your memories…if you think hard, you won't really find me there. So, I left. I did not tell anyone where I was going. You were four back then. I needed something new; I needed a new identity, a new start. I believe your father would raise you and your brother well. _

_Your Mother Nadeshiko_

Syaoran gasped after reading the letter. Everything made sense. He looked at the friendship bracelet she gave him for his birthday. It was the nicest gesture of affection he had received from anyone in a long time. It had been her way of telling him she cares. Now it was time to give back.

He knocked on the baby blue door early morning the next day. Anxiety built up in the pit of his stomach as he waited for her to open the door.

"Not you." She said her eyes half closed. Her clothes were craggy and her hair was disheveled—it reminded him of his own hair.

"Come with me." He demanded.

She pouted her eyes turned sharply towards him "No."

"You must, we don't have the whole day." He said reaching for her hand.

She pulled away before he could touch her "I'm not going any where with you Syaoran. I have a busy day ahead of me so I'd really appreciate it if you'd just leave."

"But Sakura."

She looked at him, stiff lines were on her forehead and her eyes were dark with despise. "Listen you! I said no and…"

Her words were cut off when he grabbed her waist and carried her over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" Sakura yelled and screamed but he only tightened his grip on her. She tightened her fingers into a fist and started to punch his back. "Let me go you bastard!"

He carried her up to his car and shoved her in. She tried to escape but he locked the doors and started the car quickly before she could move. She soon accepted the fact that she was trapped but she refused to talk or look at him.

"You sure put up a fight." He told her making a right turn. There was a smirk on his face, it made her disgusted.

She remained silent.

"We're going to Utsunomiya to visit your mother."

Her jaw dropped. She grabbed the stirring wheel yelling "No, I want to go home!"

He pushed her away and she fell back on her seat "You don't know anything about my mother, she's dead."

"Is that what you want everyone to believe? I know she's not."

Her eyes quickly became teary "You can't, I didn't want anyone to find out."

He tightened his grip on the stirring wheel "Why not? You couldn't even trust me and I…" he paused and his jaw tightened "I can't believe you'd hide something that means so much to you."

"Your situation is different from mine."

He shook his head and took a quick look at her "Let's get this straight…"

"How did you know then." She interrupted fastening her seat belt.

"I have your letter; you dropped it yesterday when you ran off."

Sakura gaped at him "And you read it? You're so nosy. That letter is personal."

"Don't lecture me about being nosy. What the hell were you doing listening on me and Mrs. Kamiya's conversation?"

"Why, afraid I'll tell people about your affair."

He looked at her surprised then back at the road "Affair, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I've seen the way she looks at you. It's only obvious that from all students she'd pick you and you took her with open arms."

"Huh?" he was even more confused.

"I know you're having sex with Mrs. Kamiya."

Syaoran's mouth opened then he burst into sheer laughter. Tears came into his eyes and he held his hand to his stomach. He laughed so hard his jaw began to hurt.

"Me and Mrs. Kamiya? Is that why you were angry at me Yesterday?"

"Yes!" She said a little confused.

"You can relax, I'm not. For starters she's married and she's thirty. I was tutoring her 10 year old son Keitaru, he's horrible at math."

Sakura's face turned bright red. She turned her face aside and looked out the window "I…I'm sorry for jumping into conclusions."

A moment passed by before he looked at her and said coolly "I'm sorry for everything. I was a jerk."

She looked at him then looked up at the narrow road. She wanted him to say more but he left her in the dark instead.

"Why do you want me to visit her? You read the letter, she hates me. There must be something wrong with me for my mother to abandon me. That is why I was crying. When we first met, I had just received this letter from my father. I've read it a million times; it's so hard for me to believe."

"I'm sure it was not her intention to make you feel this way. She was sick at the time. I did some research on depression and what she did is understandable."

"What about me? I needed a mother, it would have been better if she died than abandon me. I feel like I was nothing but a mistake to her. I was happier thinking she was dead. My father always ignored me, I think it's because I reminded him of her. He's been so lonely ever since."

"You must talk to her, tell her how you feel."

Tears threaten to fall but she was able to quickly absorb them "I can't! I hate her!"

"For years, I've hated my father. I've always felt like he abandoned us. Because of you, I learnt to forgive him and things are better now. You taught me not to look for the worst in people and that everyone deserves a second chance. Don't you think your mother deserves that too."

She said nothing.

They reached her house early afternoon. It was an old style Japanese house covered with ivy, flowerpots in the alley and a big tree. A train track ran behind the building.

They were able to stop at a shop and get Sakura better clothing. They had been in the car for nearly 10 minutes and Sakura had no intention of coming out. He tried to place his arm on her shoulder but immediately pulled away.

"Interesting neighborhood, I like it." He said happily.

"Come with me." Her voice was soft with a hint of fear.

"Alright."

They rang the door. He heard was beating uncontrollably and she though she was going to faint. A little boy opened. He stared at them then smiled.

"Hello." He said. When Sakura looked at him, she skipped a heart beat. He looked just like her mother. He appeared to be nine and from the sound of his voice, he was witty.

"Hi." Sakura hesitated.

"Is…is Nadeshiko home?"

"Yes." The boy said then yelled "Mom! Someone is here to see you."

The boy disappeared. Syaoran could tell that she was trying to control her tears and that she was even more hurt. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder "You can do it."

She nodded absently.

"I'm sorry about my son, can I help…" the woman stopped when her eyes met Sakura. She held her hand to her heart barely able to sustain her breathing.

"Mother?" Sakura broke down in tears. She looked the same; time did not wither her beautiful appearance. Her hair was still long and fair—nothing changed.

"Sakura…where did…" she looked like she was going to faint.

"You probably weren't expecting this but…" Sakura looked cross her shoulder to Syaoran and her tears evaporated "I had to see you. I received your letter last year; it made me feel worthless and unloved. I know what you were going though was hard but did you have to leave me? I need you there for me. I'm alright though, I have people who care about me and if you don't it's fine."

"I do." The woman said softly "You've grown up to be such a beautiful woman." She wiped the tears from her eyes "I always knew that Fujitaka would raise you well. Come in."

Sakura looked at Syaoran, uncertainly stained on her face. He gave her an encouraging node. She averted her gaze to her mother then nervously walked in.

…………………….

Syaoran had been waiting for nearly two hours. He fell asleep in the back seat. When Sakura came back, she sat in the passenger seat and sighed.

"How was it?"

She turned to look at him. A weak smile was on her lips and slight sadness in her eyes. "It's all too much to swallow right now." Her smile slightly widened "…but I'll be fine. I'm just glad I came. We still have many things to talk about but I think I'll be able to let her in my heart."

He nodded then smiled at her. Her happiness was as imperative to him as the air he breathed.

They reached her house at six thirty. He parked on the road side. There were no other cars in sight, and they were quiet until Sakura looked at him heartily.

"Thank you, for this."

"It's nothing; you did the same for me. You freed me from my past."

She wanted to say it, it was on the tip of her tongue _"I love you Syaoran."_ Instead she opened the door and smiled "Are you going to prom?"

"No, I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I have a lot of packing to do. Mom left for Hong Kong yesterday." He remerged with the plastic smile "And besides, I don't 'do' proms"

"What about graduation?"

"My father is getting married the same day, Roxanne made him change the date. He says he'll ask the school to mail my diploma."

"So you're not going to be there." She said despondently.

He nodded. His eyes were burning bright and his hands trembled. "I guess this is goodbye Sakura."

A wave of fear nearly choked her; she could not speak _"Goodbye! It can't be! I hope tomorrow never comes"_

She swallowed hard. "Goodbye then." Each word inflicted pain. Her mind searched for answers that would haunt her. She was ready to step out of the car when his hand closed on her wrist.

"Please stay."

"I can't." she hide her tears from him. It would hurt to see his face once more. She had to get away while she still had the chance. Letting go was too hard of a thing to do.

He released her and she walked away. He watched her until she disappeared into the house. He observed the house as the lights from her bedroom came on. He could see her shadow lurk in the bright light. She was out of reach now and forever. When the time came he drove away.

**I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen**

**She left before I had the chance to say**

**Oh**

**The words that would mend the things that were broken**

**But now it's far too late, she's gone away**

He spent every minute thinking of her. He thought of her face when she smiled, how her eyes would light up. Her happiness made him want to be in her presence, always. He placed a neatly folded pile of clothes into his suitcase.

-- (Flash back) --

"_Why do you always try to push me away? Don't you think you're good enough for me?"_

_He took a deep breath "I don't know." He said softly. _

"_You just said we were made for each other—we dream like one, we take breaths like one, now you're telling me you don't know. Do you think I'm going to run away because of that?"_

"_Yeah, why wouldn't you. Why would you believe me when everyone else refuses to?"_

_She laid a hand on his shoulder "Because it is not your fault. It happened, you can't change anything, you can only move on. When I see you I only see someone who wants to be loved. You know I believe in you, stop blaming yourself."_

_His eyes broadened at the comforting statement. He swallowed back all doubtfulness as she slowly snuck her hands around his waist. _

"_I don't care…I love you Syaoran." Her tone was soft and childish like._

---(End of flash back)---

"I miss you Sakura." He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the friendship bracelet she gave him. "I have to be with you tonight." He stood up abruptly. He grabbed his coat and ran out of the front door.

**Every night you cry yourself to sleep**

**Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?**

**Why does every moment have to be so hard?"**

**Hard to believe that**

**It's not over tonight**

**Just give me one more chance to make it right**

**I may not make it through the night**

**I won't go home without you**

"He's not coming and he's going tomorrow." Sakura explained sitting at a table with Tomoyo. "I should have said something."

Tomoyo sighed. She was aware that if anything was going to bring Syaoran and Sakura back together, it was destiny.

They sat at a table alone while other students were dancing and taking pictures. It was a spectacular scene. The lighting was significant; it made the atmosphere look like a beautiful summer night where a blue moon was covering the earth like a blanket. A band was playing in the back ground and all the tables had white table cloths and roses.

Sakura looked magnificent in a white empire waist gown that fell gently to the floor. She had a tiny gold crown in her hair and added auburn extensions that made her hair appear long and curly.

Tomoyo dressed up as Cleopatra, since Eriol could not make it, she accepted an offer from a boy called Daniel who had been her lab partner for two years.

"Why don't you go dance with him?" Sakura said pointing her eyes at Daniel who was talking to his friends.

"But…" she sighed "I imagined us with the guys of our dreams."

"It's prom night, you should be having fun."

"So should you."

Sakura smiled "I'll be alright now get out of here."

"_I'm not okay; I don't think I'll ever be." _There was a battle between her heart and her mind. She could not grasp the smile for long.

She rested her hands on the table and tapped her fingers. Another disaster—she never suspected prom would be so mind-numbing.

**The taste of your breath, I'll never get over**

**The noises that you made kept me awake**

**Oh**

**The weight of things that remained unspoken**

**Built up so much it crushed us everyday**

Syaoran ran to the main entrance. His heart was beating like he had been running a marathon for days.

"Your ticket please?" A girl blocking the entrance asked scrutinizing him with her eyes. He was not in the right attire—Jeans, t-shirt, a jacket and converse sneakers. She averted her gaze to the clip board.

"Uh…I think I might have lost it." He lied.

"Party crashers are not allowed in."

Syaoran rolled his eyes "I'm not a party crasher, I go here!" he yelled at her.

She heaved sighed "If you have no ticket you can't get in."

Syaoran sighed heavily. He ran his fingers through his hair frustrated. All he could think about was being with her.

**Every night you cry yourself to sleep**

**Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?**

**Why does every moment have to be so hard?"**

**Hard to believe that**

"Okay…what if I pay you."

She looked at him then looked around "What's your offer?"

After brief negotiations Syaoran was allowed in. The place was packed. He tried to stand on his toes but he could not see her. Aggravated, he walked past people calling out her name "Sakura, Sakura…"

**It's not over tonight**

**Just give me one more chance to make it right**

**I may not make it through the night**

**I won't go home without you**

"I can swear I heard Syaoran call my name…I've lost my mind." Before she could close her eyes she saw him slowly approaching her. At first she sat frozen, stunned and confused. Then he smiled at her and that was when she knew.

He let out his hand "Would you like to dance to me."

"Yes."

**It's not over tonight**

**Just give me one more chance to make it right**

**I may not make it through the night**

**I won't go home without you**

Her head was on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed as she moved smoothly to the rhythm of the music. Her heart was next to his. He held her gently in his arms. His precious Sakura.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear "I'm so scared of what the future holds. I'm afraid of my life without you."

"Me too."

"But I know now. I have to let you go and you will…you'll come back to me Sakura." His voice began to crack."

She rubbed her head against his shoulder.

**Of all the things I felt but never really shown**

**Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go**

**I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh**

"I've wanted to touch you and talk to you but my feelings about leaving you got in the way. I'm sorry for not being understanding. You mean the world to me."

"Syaoran."

"Wait…" he tightened the grip he had around her waist "You look so beautiful and I want this moment to last forever."

She slowly opened her eyes "I'm sorry too. I'm always scared of getting hurt. I'll miss you."

**It's not over tonight**

**Just give me one more chance to make it right**

**I may not make it through the night**

**I won't go home without you**

He slowly let her go. She withdrew her head and looked into his eyes. "Can I make one thing clear?"

She nodded.

"I was bitter but my feelings for you did not change, not for a second…."

**It's not over tonight**

**Just give me one more chance to make it right**

**I may not make it through the night**

**I won't go home without you **

**And I won't go home without you**

**And I won't go home without you**

**And I won't go home without you**

"…I don't want you to go." Her tone crumbled at the touch of each word.

"And I don't want you to cry for me. Remember I made a promise to you."

Sakura absorbed his words. They were tattooed in her mind and she would never forget them. All she wanted was there and then and all the words she needed hear.

…………………………….

He opened his eyes; he could still feel her in his arms. Her delicate frame lay peacefully under his gentle embrace. The sheets left her shoulders bare and she grasped tightly unto them. He buried his head in her neck then kissed her shoulder.

Sakura opened her eyes and flushed coyly. He ran a playful finger down her spine causing her to recoil. She released a short laugh then said tiredly "Hey, that tickles."

She turned around and looked up at him. "Shouldn't you be packing?"

He stroked her hair "I don't want to move off this bed yet. I want to hold you some more and kiss you some more and…" he nibbled on her ear and whispered "It's just not fair."

"1 hour more won't hurt." She said under his ministration "When's your flight?"

"In one hour."

"Syaoran, aren't you scared your going to miss your flight?"

He kissed her lips "Uh, it's your entire fault for being so damn irresistible. Aren't you glad we did this…again and again and again…"

Sakura blushed. "Yes."

She could not think of words to describe what was shared between them the night before. Her mind with flooded with memories of love and fulfillment.

She took his lips and teased him by gently stroking her lips with his then abruptly pulled him closer for an intense French kiss.

It had been a night to remember.

After awhile the sound of a horn from outside interrupted them. Syaoran sighed irritated.

"Who's that?"

"My driver." He reluctantly let her go and started to quickly trousers on.

Reality hit again, he was leaving. She had forgotten the meaning of his departure. She wondered if she could stand alone and if she was really going to be alright. He left the room in order to go speak to the driver.

She stepped off the bed and picked up her dress. Tears filled her eyes then spilled down her cheeks. She covered her body with the sheets and dropped the dress. He walked in and hurried to the chest of drawers.

"He says he'll wait for me but I only have fifteen minutes to pack. I'll be lucky if I catch the flight." He pulled out all of his clothes and tossed them on the floor. He looked at her and stopped what he was doing.

"What's the matter?"

She stood up "I'll come with you." The tears had dried from her eyes "I can start packing, as long as we're together right?"

"And College?"

"You're idea was great, we can both go to England."

"And your father, I think you two have a lot of catching up to do, and your mother too."

"I…" words stuck to her throat.

He ambled close to her and held her shoulders "Don't throw your dreams away. I love you so I'll let you go…for now so you can fulfill your dreams and when you're done we can finish from where we left off. I'm lucky to have met you." He smiled at her then pulled her into his arms.

Though she had accepted the fate, she couldn't help but cry anyway.

"Please hold me for the last time."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

One year and six months

"_He's gone….he left, sometimes it feels like he was never here. So here I am still alive, still standing. There is not a day that goes by when I don't long for him. I wonder where he is whose he's with…does he think about me. He tries his best to call as much as possible but things couldn't help but change. I tell him I miss him and he simply masks his feeling with a simple joke. I think of us…I think about me and how I've changed. You never know who you will meet and who will make a difference in your life but he…he did more than that. He taught me how to love someone with passion and integrity; he will always be the boy that saved me." _

Sakura closed the pages of her diary when there was a knock on her door.

"Come in." she said while opening a nearby drawer and placing her diary in it.

"Can I use your room? I need to change this little guys diaper."

"Sure."

Nakuru was holding Yukiru in her hands; Yukiru is Touya and Nakuru's 1 year old son. He was looking at Sakura excited. Nakuru walked in and carefully laid the baby on Sakura's bed.

"You sure are something." Nakuru started paying close attention to her mission.

"I wouldn't go that far."

"Don't be so modest. It's great that you were able to bring your whole family together for Christmas. Who would have thought?"

She smiled "It was nothing, Mom was hard to convince but she came around. Tomoyo was excited when I told her Eriol was going to be here."

"And your boyfriend?"

Sakura stood up and walked to the window she took a deep breath and replied calmly.

"He's parents got back together so this is their first Christmas together as a family. We're spending this summer together; he promised to come to Japan."

"You must be excited."

Sakura had a vivid image of him in her mind. She relaxed her shoulder and flushed coyly "You have no idea."

………………………………………………………………THE END………………………………………………………………

A/N: Sad isn't it,(sorry, they don't get married, most of you wanted them to) the ending makes room for a sequel and maybe one day I'll write one—I am tempted to write an epilogue on all the scenes I cut out and the summer the couple meets again (sigh), anyway. I know it was long and hopefully no one got tired but I just had to fit this all in plus I had to cut many scenes T.T, I'm sad it didn't turn out how I panned but that would have meant another chapter and I don't have time to write one right now. I hope it was some what satisfying and sorry for any errors. Special thanks to:

**Star02****Ms.Popularity****Otaku Nayami****BabieLuvly101****puasluoma****meow-mix23****euphoria.bebe****, yang-v, ****tennislover431****-Kori Kage Tenshi-****YumYumXP****lhaine07****, harmony, ****Singing Fool****, Frank Was Not Like Other Sh.., ****Bagel-chan****tears-of-redemption****Cherry Akira Li****witch cheri****butterflyangellover14****jennycuenca****Otaku Nayami****broken emerald****SailorCSH ****Chupachuppp****StarAngel02****Mo-Chizzle****rosy-fric****asya asyraf, ****HiMeH****pavang****Ms.Popularity****MULAN-IFUWEREGAY****AkitoxXxSana46****LadyMidnightGuardian****kitti.kaede.****sakuraxsyaoran****cactuspd****micati****ED Renalds****xxxemiko.itooshixxx****amethystwolfe, ****witch cheri****Bagel-chan****reader, ****Cherry Akira, Li****KibumiWong****To'xx'y.****SailorCSH, ****insanity-ward****bruhareviewer****KibumiWong**HiMeHbruhareviewer xSpecialEditionx Luvia LollipopCHAOS digi-gal-rox

For reviews and constructive advice.

Bye


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